*hugs Sakai* I think about you all the time. Adoption is probably the hardest thing any person will ever do. Seeing someone for therapy is definitely an excellent idea, and keeping in touch with your cousin and his family is good too. I have a friend who gave her first daughter up for adoption because she was young and so afraid she wouldn't be able to give her daughter a good life. She has the most awesome, wonderful, gorgeous daughter and they get to spend time together often.
Sakai - Just wanted to send you hugs. I agree with Keller, the decision you and your partner are making about your cousin adopting your daughter is one made from love for her. I also agree that counselling is a good idea. Be prepared after you have her to have triggers that will set you off. Also places may send you congratulations on your baby coupons and mailers etc, those can be big triggers, seeing babies in public can be triggers, hearing a baby cry in public, walking down an isle at the grocery store that has baby products can be a trigger etc. (These were all major triggers for me after I lost my first born) also specific dates were triggers too. I know adoption and losing a baby is different but there is still grief involved in both.
Racrane - That is very upsetting about your laptop. I had mine die a while ago and I actually cried.
Keller- hope the migraine is gone, they really suck
As for me we had a consult with the high risk OB on Wednesday and a level 2 ultrasound to look at the baby and well I decided to find out the gender. We are having a big, strong, active, healthy girl I am so happy. The not so great news is that she is measuring pretty big and they think she will be about 9-10 lbs at birth (DS was 9lbs 12oz @38 wks) So they don't think I am a good candidate for a VBA2C since she is big and I have had 2 c-sections already. They want me to book an elective repeat c-section between 38-39 wks. I need to talk things over with my midwife but I am actually not too upset about it, however I do not want to have a c-section till sometime between 39-40 wks as I want to make sure she has good lung development and that one week can make a big difference. DS' weak spot is his lungs, he has had bronciolitis 3 times since 17 mons that we have had to take him to the hospital for breathing treatments and he gets illness induced asthma from Nov-Mar and it is scary I believe this stems from him being a c-section baby at 38 weeks.
Thank you Biancasimone and butterflymama.
I'm not looking forward to the triggers. They already happen somewhat. It's really hard because lots of people come in the shop in the middle of the night because they have small babies (I think this is because 1. it's more comfortable than shopping in the crowd with a new baby and/or 2. new parents just happen to be awake at that time. I used to love Ooh and awwing at the new little babies, now I keep my eyes to the floor when I see a cart with a car seat in it.
Butterflymama. Sucks that you have to get another c-section, but I guess it's for the best if your baby is that big. But I can understand being nervious. it is surgery and with the issues your son has. Good luck with all that. I always think about you, We're so close in out dates.
Dr. appointment in a few days. Last one before I go to appointments every 2 weeks. I'm excited to find out if I dropped or not. Or if they can tell me if her head is down. I also figure now would be the time to talk about a birth plan? I don't really have one other than I want to go natural as long as the labor moves along at a good pace. Also want to make sure our hospital will let baby room in with us instead of going to the nursery.
Butterfly - those size estimates can be so far off. That said, whatever way she comes out, it'll be worth it when she's here. Congrats on the girl!
Sakai - I also think about you often. It will be hard, but ultimately, I think it will be worth it to know that you're giving your daughter the best opportunities for her life that you can.
Keller - our families aren't getting the call until we're at the birth center (we're going to, hopefully, do much of our laboring at home), and they know not to show up until after they get a call that he's born. Luckily, I have a very respectful family who we've talked about this with, and they agree that me, Sarah, and our doula are the only ones who need to be there until a few hours after birth.
Had kind of a rough weekend. It was our anniversary, and we had plans, so I found myself having to get dressed up in dresses and having to try to make myself look presentable not once, but twice. Turns out, there's no dress in my closet that makes me NOT gigantic at 9 months pregnant...who knew??
Also, on Friday, we had our doc appt get switched from our regular midwife to a nurse practitioner, who read me the riot act about my weight gain (my regular midwife is fine with it, she has seen my food journals and knows my exercise pattern and says my body is just doing what it needs to do...also she estimated my body fat percentage and says I have actually put on a lot of muscle in addition to the baby fat, probably from doing body weight exercises with all of this additional body weight), told me I never should have gone off the Metformin that my regular midwife pulled me off of at 20 weeks, told me that I'd be likely to GAIN weight after he's born, etc.
THEN, at some random Rotary event, a woman in the lobby came up to me and quizzed me on how much weight I'd gained, then proceeded to tell me about how HER daughter is 28 weeks and has only gained 10 lbs, and that she thinks she can make it in under 20 lbs total, because it's just SO hard to lose afterward, and don't I wish I had just gained 20 lbs, on and on.
So basically, I looked huge, and then got called huge twice. Fantastic! Add that onto this being the most uncomfortable weekend of my pregnancy by far (it was in the 90's here - I was hot, I was retaining water, and I was generally pretty miserable), and it was NOT GOOD.
I decided that today I am focusing on this beautiful little boy inside of me and letting my insecurities go. It's not right to bathe him in such negativity!
WOW Amanda!!!! That would definitely be one of those times where I smile and say "My doctor and I have talked about my weight gain and I'm actually exactly on track! I plan on losing the baby weight healthily by breastfeeding (well, if you plan to do that) and exercising and eating well!" then secretly punch the person in my mind, then let it go! People are weird sometimes. Especially to pregnant women. (everyone knows/is/was that person that random people walk up to and start creepily rubbing their pregnant belly without permission...) Also, don't a lot of pregnant women gain the most weight in the last 10 weeks? Her daughter is about to triple in size (maybe )
Butterfly, I was wondering about vba2c because a friend of mine (who is a doctor, starting her ob/gyn rotation this summer or fall) was saying some doctors/hospitals won't allow many women to do it because after 2 cesarians there is a chance of medical complications (I guess as opposed to vbac or 2 cesarians). I thought about my mom bc I was cesarian but I don't know if either of my brothers were. Mom may be a 2vbac as opposed to vba2c ;-)
Today was a unique day.... I 'worked' at a 'real job' at an 'office' from 8 AM to 4 PM. I don't know how some of you all do it. I came home and CRASHED on the couch for like an hour until I had to pick up DF from work. Thank goodness I only have to 'work' this 'real job' at an 'office' for like 2 weeks (grading portfolios for K-12 students).
Getting a little worried/frustrated. Still haven't felt the baby move, and I also think that I have gestational diabetes. I took the glucose test and got 128 for my non-fasting level. The 'danger level' is 129 and the 'take the 3 hour test' level is 130. However, I HAD been fasting (didn't realize I was taking the glucose test and skipped breakfast ) and the level is supposed to be about 110. Needless to say I'm a little worried about the baby more than before. I did get an adorable tiny doctor (and crossed my fingers that she will be my doctor when I give birth! The doctors rotate apparently) instead of my normal smart-alec nurse at the last doctor visit.
WOW Amanda!!!! That would definitely be one of those times where I smile and say "My doctor and I have talked about my weight gain and I'm actually exactly on track! I plan on losing the baby weight healthily by breastfeeding (well, if you plan to do that) and exercising and eating well!" then secretly punch the person in my mind, then let it go! People are weird sometimes. Especially to pregnant women. (everyone knows/is/was that person that random people walk up to and start creepily rubbing their pregnant belly without permission...) Also, don't a lot of pregnant women gain the most weight in the last 10 weeks? Her daughter is about to triple in size (maybe )
Secret punch? I might have LITERALLY punched! Everyone forgives the pregnant lady...just remember that!!
Don't let 'em get you down, Amanda. You're doing what you need to for your little boy. And that woman is just calling on karma to dump 80 pounds on her daughter before her due date. Just wait.
Though I do get jealous of the women who actually get through pregnancy gaining only 10 pounds or something like that, and then have perfectly healthy babies. I'm still right at 40 pounds at 36 weeks, so I'm calling that good. May make my goal of staying below 50!
Was Pretty upset yesterday. I finally broke down and told DF everything I was feeling...No i don't want to give up my baby...what am I supposed to do when I come home? I can't act like the last 9 months never happened.
I'm tired of people asking me if I'm excited for the birth...Heck no i'm not. I'm excited to see her, yes. But I wish I could just be pregnant forever and keep her in there with me always. (Which is weird sounding but the truth to what I'm feeling.) It's almost like knowing that baby is safe and healthy while inside you, but once born and on their own will have a host of serious health issues and has a good chance of dying.
Which is very dramatic sounding for someone like me. But it was the only way i can explain these feelings. because she'll be here...and then she'll go away.
Df cried, and then i felt bad for dumping up all my bottled feelings on him. he wants to keep the baby too, and feels less a man because we can't.
It was a terrible day.
i got up around 7P.M yesterday after the breakdown and splilled on facebook how I was pretty down and had little to be happy about these days. How DF tries hard to keep my spirits up and I feel bad for stressing him out.
My cousin's wife (adoptive mom) happened to be online at that time. and messaged me. Both she and my cousin were feeling horrible for us, and wished they lived closer so they could do more to help us cope.
So she says... "don't worry about dinner, just kick back tonight and rest."
And I was like "0.o ....oookay"
she and my cousin ordered us pizza online. Which really made me LOL. Because I know how much of a crazy pizza person she is and I should of known what she was up to.
Just kinda neat she sent me pizza from like 4 states away. (big states too lol)
it was just a strange, funny end to a really bad day.
I felt better today, enough so that I was able to Tye-dye all the baby clothes I brought. I had planed this last month (because I LOVE tye-dye) but suddenly couldn't bring myself to handle all the tiny clothes. but today I washed all the clothes. and DF and I sat down and tye-dyed. I'm about to open them up (the dye's been setting while we slept) and see how they turned out.
On a funny note. baby was kicking and moving so hard she was hurtting me pretty badly. at one point she mashed my bladder so hard i sounded like i was in the middle of painful labor. Df calls baby by her name in a scolding tone, sits next to me and sets a hand on the ball sized lump jutting up from my belly and scolds her again and tells her she needs to behave in there.
so she stops moving altogether. and then he goes..."Good girl." With a pat to the belly. show-off
.... -.- she never listens to me, but she listens to him all the dang time. poo.
Mandalinn: That is awful what that woman said to you. It drives me crazy that people somehow think it's okay to say anything about weight to a pregnant woman. It's like we don't have feelings or something... anyway, just keep taking care of your body and you know it'll be okay.
And Sakai: I don't know what to say except I am really thinking of you right now.
Also, I have a question. Is/did anyone get charley horse cramps in their calves? I am getting horrible ones about ten times a night and sometimes can't walk the next day. I am now wearing compression knee highs, drinking tons of water. My doctor recommended I started drinking a gatorade a day. I stretch at night and they still come no matter what. Anyway, advice would be great.
Racrane- Oh the cramps...Curse them to heck. I used to get them in my 6th- 7th month. I get muscle cramps all the time and used to eat a banana a day to help fight it. (I guess low potassium(sp) makes it worse) but in my 6th month of pregnacy i would wake up every night to a pulled muscle. i pretty much trained myself not to strech my legs when I sleep. it always feels like my calves were right at the point where they were about to cramp up.
I think the gatorade will help. you might want to try bananas. and see if there is anything you happen to do before the cramp. Do you strech? Streching too much? are you on your feet lots? try a heating pad to keep the muscles relaxed, and massage is alwasys nice ^.^.
On the leg cramps - put a bar of regular, plain old soap in your bed, at the bottom of your sheets where your feet go. You can say it's an old wive's tale, and maybe it is, but I swear it works. I had put a bar of plain unwrapped Ivory in after I started getting leg cramps at the end of the second trimester - the bar fell out one day, and I didn't realize it, and got leg cramps again that night and for two more nights until I realized it had fallen out - put it back under the covers, and not another leg cramp since.
Manda- I feel you on the heat. It's been 90+ degrees here for about two weeks now and sticky hot. We have our AC on 70 though so whenever I can, I stay home and inside. As for the comment, people can be so insensitive but just know that YOU are Spensers Mom and YOU are making the proper decisions as to eating and exercising and his health.
Racrane- I've gotten Charlie Horses my whole life so it was no surprise that they got worse in pregnancy. The only thing that has ever helped me is a heating pad and not stretching my leg when I sleep. The soap trick sounds like a good deal to try though!
Bianca- Scary about the GD. Are you going to do the 3 hour test as well? If it's well managed, there's no need to worry. I know doctors take extra cautions when when have diabetes and pre-eclampsia, or at least our office does.
Sakai- I've been thinking about you and hope your days have been better. Glad that your cousins can help you out and are truly involved even states away. They sound like a great support system!!!
As for me, another appointment today showed that Baby Boy moved even farther away and is still turned. No change to cervix or effacement. He said there's no pressure and it's STILL highly unlikely that he comes on his own or breaks my water. So an induction date will be set at my next appointment. Heartrate was 149 and he's been rolling like crazy today. I'm just really freaking out that it's going to come down to a c-section. I mean, really, if he comes out healthy- I don't care but I've never had a major surgery(or even a minor one at that) before and the thought makes me wanna have a anxiety attack =/
I've also heard the soap trick, Racrane. Somewhere else I also read that ketchup helps...like if you can stand to do it, slurp down a ketchup packet or two. I'd try the soap first!!
Sakai, that's hilarious about the pizza!! How funny!
OMG! so I go to my Dr. appointment yesterday.
So my due date is june 10th...and I just found out that from june 6th-9th all 3 OB dr's will be out of town. (a meeting or class or something I can't remember)
So they will bringing in an OB from another town to deal with anyone who happpens to go into labor at that time. Now I might have to deliver with a stranger OB.
Of course at the time I'm sure I won't care much once labor really gets going.
Not to happy about it. I've already been seen by all 3 OBs and i'm really comfortable with them.
Other than that the appointment went fine. baby's head is down, but I've not dropped yet. I guess my different looking belly is due to the weight gain. (40 pounds now, oh my gawd!!)
Sakai - That is really funny about the pizza I am glad you were able to get out how you are feeling to your DF and you guys had a good cry. I think it is really important for you both to keep talking to each other about how you are feeling. I am also glad you guys got to tie-dye the baby clothes That really sucks about the OB's being away seems kinda irresponsible on their part. Well a lot of first pregnancies go past the due date anyway so hopefully you will get an OB you know.
Amanda - I am sorry that that women and the nurse practitioner were so insensitive. That women's daughter should watch out because I had only put on like 5 lbs at 30 weeks and now I am gaining over 2lbs a week. I haven't really changed anything just what my body is doing.
Racrane- I had horrible calf cramps in the middle of the night too at about 28 weeks or so. They really suck.
bianca- VBA2C do carry some more risk with them in terms of uterine rupture but not much more then VBAC but there are lots of factors that can affect it including length between sections, type of scar, etc unfortunately the more sections you have the increase in other risks too like placenta previa, the placenta growing into the scar etc. If I was going to have more babies after this one they would actually be more encouraging of trying to have a vaginal birth. Anyway it does suck about having to have another section but at least I have a few weeks to prepare myself and to write up a birth plan that inc-operates the section and yes it will all be worth it when I am holding my baby girl in my arms. Don't stress too much about GD, if you do have it it can be control most of the time with diet and exercise.
Well I told my supervisor today that today was my last day of work, I work part time at DS' preschool and was hoping to work till mid May but it was getting too hard and I was not able to do the job to my standards so I am done. I am sad and happy about it for many reasons. Well now I have some time to work on getting stuff ready around here (there is so much to do!)
I am so happy. The not so great news is that she is measuring pretty big and they think she will be about 9-10 lbs at birth (DS was 9lbs 12oz @38 wks) So they don't think I am a good candidate for a VBA2C since she is big and I have had 2 c-sections already. They want me to book an elective repeat c-section between 38-39 wks. I need to talk things over with my midwife but I am actually not too upset about it, however I do not want to have a c-section till sometime between 39-40 wks as I want to make sure she has good lung development and that one week can make a big difference. DS' weak spot is his lungs, he has had bronciolitis 3 times since 17 mons that we have had to take him to the hospital for breathing treatments and he gets illness induced asthma from Nov-Mar and it is scary 
