Pregnacy hormones are the pits sometimes...there was a point about a month ago that I cried hard, every day, sometimes many times a day for almost 3 whole weeks. And you'll cry over the strangest things...like forgetting to add garlic to the breakfast eggs. @.@ and normaly upsetting things emotionally distroy you.

As for the dentist, things went great. They did allow DF back there with me. Which was nice because he kept me from freaking out the 10 minutes I was sitting in the chair waiting for the dentist to finish with the person next door to me.
The cavity was small. (Which I figured because it wasn't there at my last check-up 6 months ago) so they didn't have to give me a shot, they used a laser, tottaly painless (just smelled like burned fingernails) Took maybe 6 minutes from start to getting out of the chair.
I never knew how much of a wreck I'd been for the past two weeks because of this visit. Now that it's behind me and it went well, I no longer feel anxious and down, which I figured was because of the addoption. though I still feel iffy, I'm not at the point of breakdown like before.

Heartburn!!! every day, almost constantly for the past 4 days...I never get heartburn and I didn't have any until 4 days ago. It just won't go away.

What the heck? First few days into my 8th month and all the pregnancy stuff happens. Back pain, swelling feet, heartburn...I suddenly can't move while in bed without something twisting, pulling or otherwise causing pain. Oh well.

I too can't wait to start seeing baby pictures from all those a month ahead of me. I'm surprised i'm almost there myself. i can't believe over a half year has already past...feels like only a dozen weeks.

Sakai, I was the same way....heartburn and all that hit all at one time, without warning! And turning over in bed is an Olympic event. It's ridiculous!

I was at a party with my boyfriend this weekend. It was his grandma's 75th birthday party and it was a big deal. Well, klutz that I am, I spilled his mom's lasagna ALL over my new blouse. I left to go to the bathroom to deal with it and I just started bawling. I texted him to come to the bathroom and he reluctantly went into the girl's bathroom for me. He even cleaned up my shirt while I was hysterical. Eventually, I calmed down but that was quite the hormonal moment for me.

Awwww! But how sweet of him to come help. The crying got better for me, but I'm told it gets worse again after the baby comes. Poor DH...he'd better watch out.

Speaking of crying, just really feel like doing that myself today. Just realized that this is my last "free" weekend before the baby comes, really. Even if she comes on or after her due date (May 21). I've literally got to work ALL weekend next week (including a 12 hour overnight event, then all day Saturday and Sunday to finish a project), then all day Saturday, May 5, and Saturday, May 12. No time to just lie around and enjoy being pregnant and without a baby to take care of.

Things are not looking goodbfor the near future.

Doctor appointment today showed no cervix dilation or thinning at all, high blood pressure(which I've never ever had before) and baby boys head is no longer dropped in the birth canal either. He said unless some miracle happens that being induced will be the only way to go and if that don't work, a c section will become necessary. The only good news is that I don't have strep B. Blah!

Keller- That sucks! Are you waiting for the baby to come when he wants? or are you getting induced? (or only after overdue?) maybe he'll drop by then. I keep reading that many babies don't drop until labor starts, or never drop at all (the labor is just longer than most) but do fine anyways.
Even though I have 8 weeks left, I keep talking to the baby telling her to keep her head down. I DO NOT want a c-section. For one, I don't want the extra time needed to heal, I really need to get back to work ASAPI can't really afford to miss 3 paychecks by staying out of work for at least 6 weeks.
Also I know it's normal for C-section moms to have to stay in the hospital for 96 hours give or take. Meaning I'll have to sign over my baby without having the opppertunity to take her home for 24 hours. (AZ law states papers are not signed until 3 days after birth.)

Also, I DO NOT want to be awake for a c-section... you can just pick to be knocked out right?? I would need serious mental therapy if I had to stay awake while they dig around in my body. Even if it's a baby comming out, I don't want to know people are cutting me open and sticking their hands in my guts. I would really, really rather just sleep and wake up later. That is the only thing that is frightning about labor, least to me.

Keller, I've read the same thing Sakai did...that some women don't dilate or have the baby drop before labor starts at all. There are supposedly some things that will help though, like sitting and rolling back and forth on an exercise ball. Don't know if it's true, but one lady I know SWEARS it made her baby drop a lot. She's still pregnant, 37 weeks, 3 cm dilated and the baby is already at a +2, which is nearly in the birth canal.

Sakai, I'd ask the doctor at your next appointment. I have heard that some will put you completely under, and others refuse to. Best to know before you go into labor!! I feel the same way, but if I have to have a c-section I'll just be awake for it. My hospital doesn't do the anesthesia to knock you out fully unless there's some other medical issue.

I know that some babies don't drop at all so i'm not ruling it completely out.

The thing is- At my 33 week appointment, he had already dropped. By my 35 week appointment, he had dropped a ton more. At 36 weeks- he could feel his head halfway in the canal when he did the strep B. Now this time, at 37 weeks- he's worked his way back up completely and turned himself sideways. My doctor thinks it's now a possibility that he could turn into a breach position. =/

He said that it would basically be a miracle if he comes on his own or if my cervix opens at all without help, from how my body is working backwards and how I already have steady contractions(Not BH Like at all he said after monitoring him), the outcome he sees in this situation is 98% of the time induction/scheduled c-section.

The original plan had been induction at 37 weeks anyways, until he screwed up the weeks. He said he won't let me go past the due date without attempting induction now. I'm all for induction but I DON'T want a c-section.

I can only take one week off school without failing my classes and a c-section has a 4 day hospital stay here at least. Not much time to get home and situated. But if it comes down to it, obviously I don't have that choice. They refuse to knock you out completely, only give you pain medication.

I go back next Tuesday and he'll probably check again but he said not to plan on anything.

Mindi- As for the ball, no luck. I've been doing that for weeks to relieve some of the pressure on my pelvis and the pain. It's obviously gotten me nowhere. Nor has sex, which he said is the "easiest" way to kickstart labor on it's own.

Sakai- Hopefully you don't have to have one so you get to spend that extra day with baby girl. As Mindi said though, i'd definitely check with your doctor. They would know hospital standards- as here it isn't doctors choice, but hospitals choice.

Racrane- Your bf sounds like an awesome guy! Hormonal breakdowns suck, especially when it's in such a "public" place.

Manda- LOVE the pictures. They turned out great! =]

Keller: My boyfriend really is a great guy. He's been so good to me throughout the pregnancy. I hope you don't have a c-section or at the least you have a good recovery time. I completely understand about having to be in school.

I'm now counting my calories again because my doctor said I need to gain weight. I realize I was only eating about 1600-1800 calories a day, so I upped it to around 2100. I feel icky for eating so much but as long as baby is healthy that's what matters. I just didn't realize how little I was actually eating.

I'm almost certain my hospital won't knock me out because the meds for that do reach the baby and it makes it difficult for them to start breathing. So unless it's really an emergency, or the spinal wont work...I'm sure I'll have to be awake. But I'm gonna ask anyways. I don't know why but I have a feeling she's in there sideways or head down but tilted slightly. (Just from how the movments are on both sides of my body and/or I'll feel a bump up under my ribs on the right and down at my hip at the left at the same time.
But obviously I'm no doctor and I don't really have a clue as to her position. ^.^

On a slightly emberassing note, I've been leaking from both breasts since I was 5 months along. I know when it's happening because I'll get a weird itching/tingling in the nipples. it wasn't a problem at first but now it's becoming more than a few drops a day and I'm gonna start wearing nursing pads just to save my bra ^.^ I know this is normal, i'm just surprised it started so early. 3 months ago it was just clear, but it now has a yellowish/white color to it.
I know it really dosn't mean much, but I hope that means my milk will come in fast and I can nurse her for the few days I do have her. we're still planing on having me pump for the 3 weeks my cousin and his wife are in town.

Today my insurance company sent me a package.
It had a baby blanket, sipppy cup and the book "What to expect, the first year."

I cried.

I was certain of what was going to be in there, I never should of opened it. I saw the cup and lost it. I was doing so well too.

I know I should seek out some help. but I've visited other forums for birth mothers and they are all just so depressing. Df and i do have to talk to a therapist before the birth (part of AZ adoption laws I guess) so that's something. Don't know when because my cousin is setting the appointment up so the bill goes right to them. I do expect to be a huge mess after the adoption.

Though part of me feels like I deserve it for not trying hard enough to keep her. Not trying hard enough to fix our $ issues....not trying hard enough to get over my fear of added responsibility.

Today is just a bad day...

Sakai- Think positive. What you're feeling is natural when giving a child up for adoption. Don't think you "deserve" anything because it's not the right time or situation for you. You, as a mother and your partner as a father are making the decision not only thats best for you but BEST FOR HER! It's the most selfless decision you could make. I hope you find somebody to talk to soon and get the counseling/help that can make you feel better about this decision.

Today is a blah day. I have a migraine and i just finished my trigonometry test. Everybody keeps bugging me about "When is he coming?" and it's so frustrating.

I've already told them all that i'm not telling anybody when I go into labor or until he's a couple hours old(that way I can feed him right away, get moved to recovery room, and spend time as a family etc.) Our families are soooooooo nosy and think they need to be first to know. So we've personally decided to put the news on Facebook at the same time so there is no "Well I knew first" or "Why wasn't I first to know?" fights. Everybody will know at the same time or when word of mouth gets passed along. We've decided it's the simplest way to go since we both want a completely natural birth with the two of us and calming music- no interruptions or drama. They can't seem to understand that i'm doing what I need to do.

Hope everybody has a great friday and weekend. I'll be doing some major cleaning since df works all weekend!

I'm sorry, Sakai! :hug: Hormones and the situation means what you're feeling is completely normal. I hope you're okay.

Keller: Sorry you have a migraine. I hope it goes away.

I'm very upset because my (old) laptop decided to completely fail on me. I lost everything - my pictures, music, my schoolwork assignments. I'm very depressed. Luckily I lost nothing too important for this next month in terms of school (though I did lose the baby shower guest list and addresses) but I'm more upset about the pictures. I have some on facebook, but not all. I SHOULD have backed it up but I kept putting it off. I don't have money for a new laptop, even a cheapie.

Anyway, I probably won't be on here as much anymore because I'll now be using the school computers and then in the summer I'll use the library ones.

Baby's doing fine and he's kicking me A) when I go to sleep at night and B) on the rare occasion I take a nap. It's like he knows, lol.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Racrane- That really sucks and I feel for you. Mine crashed and deleted windows so I had my moms laptop forever because I had to have it for school. All the classes at our college are half online so I have no choice but to have internet. Hope you figure it out soon or can figure out how to get a new one. Sometimes it's just a simple fix- like completely restoring it and reinstalling programs if you know anything about computers.

Still have a migraine. Ugh! Slept off and on all day yesterday and last night though. The light isn't bugging me so much anymore but it's still pounding.

Can't believe there's only two weeks until my due date. TWO WEEKS!!!! Seems like I was just crying when I found out in August and just finding out it was a boy in January. Where has time gone?

Thanks guys,
It was a bad emotional day for me. Things are a little better now. not good, but better.

Keller- I think it's a good idea to post everything at the same time. That way you don't have to worry about forgetting to call someone and hurting feelings.
The only people were gonna tell when I go into labor is my cousin and his wife because they had a change of plans. Instead of comming in june 1st, they are comming june 7th unless I go into labor, then they'll catch the first plane over. So we'll still have a whole day of just the three of us before we get visitors. (if baby comes early. I am due june 10th, but I don't think I'll make it.) Which would only be my dad and a close coworker friend of mine. DF's family is out of town and not sure if they are going to come down to see the baby in person before the adoption or just wait for pictures.

baby is dropping a little. no downward pressure on the pelvis yet, but she is moving in places lower than I've felt her move before. Plus I can breathe, finally! and the bump tilted down a little...my armrest is gone hehe.