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Old 06-13-2011, 07:34 PM   #1  
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Default So annoyed that people don't realize I'm pregnant.

I'm 37 weeks! My good friend is 34 weeks and where ever we go, people ask her when her baby is due. No one ever notices I'm pregnant. They just think I'm very heavy. This has happened since the beginning but it's starting to really hurt my feelings. I know she was MUCH thinner than me to begin with and that's why people notice but UGH.

This weekend we went to a spa and spent some time in a clothing optional whirl pool. The other women asked her when she was due and no one said a word to me. When my friend said something about me being pregnant, they were surprised and assumed I was due months after my friend.

I know, I know -- it's so silly but for the first time in my life I'm heavy for a reason and everyone just assumes I'm fat. It's killing me.
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Old 06-13-2011, 08:30 PM   #2  
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I feel your pain. We are similar in height. Is your friend short by any chance? I was about 266 when I got pregnant, had really bad vomiting for 5 months and lost 25lbs, put 20 back on by the time I was about to pop. So I was around 260-264 at my last appointment.

People would tell me all the time that I didn't look pregnant. I know they would say it to compliment me, but yeah, it pissed me off. Being an apple shape to begin with, and having a daughter who was not only a footling breech, but also camped so far by my backbone I am not surprised at people's reactions. It is very common for the first baby to not show as much as the second and so on.

I have a friend who was pregnant a year after me. 5'8", so taller, and she started out at 180 and got to 225 with the pregnancy. And guess what? She had the same issue, and was ticked that she didn't have the perfectly rounded belly that you see on small petite gals and celebrities.

My sister in law is a petite thing. She never even looked pregnant. She just looked like maybe she was bloated from pms or something. Crazy. And this was with baby #4.

And don't be upset. A lot of people probably do notice that you are pregnant, but since you have a larger frame, they don't comment [just in case they are wrong--can you imagine, asking someone when her baby is due and she's not preggers?] so keep that in mind.
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Old 06-13-2011, 08:42 PM   #3  
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I am so sorry that this is happening to you. I have thought of this scenario in my life because I am tall and heavy and people think I am pregnant when I am in fact not. So, with my apple-shape people will be afraid to ask. I am sorry to hear this. And it is not silly that you feel this way. Not at all.
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Old 06-13-2011, 08:50 PM   #4  
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Old 06-13-2011, 09:07 PM   #5  
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I did that to an acquaintance once and I felt awful. She was 7 mo with twins and I didn't even realize. It was bad lighting when I saw her and she was wearing black. Also, she has a big frame and is very tall so the babies had plenty of room, but I felt so embarrassed! I'm 140lbs so I thought I would have this cute belly, but not so far. I have loose skin anyway so I have this "b" shaped tummy and it just looks... misshapen. No cute little beginnings of a bump on this girl. Plus I have wide hips and right now the baby has plenty of room.

I'll tell you what though. I have never felt more beautiful and happy in my own skin than I do in this moment! People keep looking for a belly and only see bloat (and ask me when I'm going to start showing- rude!) but I just don't care. You are truly a beautiful woman and perhaps like my acquaintance people are just captivated with all of you rather than one singular feature.

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Old 06-13-2011, 11:32 PM   #6  
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I'm sorry. But enjoy your pregnancy anyway.

You know it is happening because of the flip side of that coin.

"People think I'm pregnant and I'm not! Ugh! I'm just heavy!"

So people stay silent to play it safe.

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Old 06-14-2011, 01:19 AM   #7  
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I'm sorry! That's so not fair! My sister is the same height as you and had the same thing. She was not heavy but with a long torso it tucks in and never really popped out. So you might have the same issue at any weight. You're almost to the finish line. Hang in there!
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Old 06-14-2011, 01:48 AM   #8  
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I promise you , it is worse to be asked if you are pregnant when you are not.
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Old 06-14-2011, 03:28 AM   #9  
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First off lots of hugs to you! Some people just don't realize that there is more than one way to "look" pregnant. Also I encountered this a lot, I was overweight enough where it was obvious I was pregnant, but also obvious that I'm obese and I think some people didn't want to be the one person that asks me if I'm pregnant in the event that I wasn't. And I was OBVIOUSLY pregnant. In fact at 40 weeks and a day pregnant we went out to dinner and were talking with the server who asked if we were going to have any more kids as she was doting on our 2-year old. My jaw hit the floor and I was like "uhm... I was due YESTERDAY!" ha ha! And I delivered a 10-pound baby, looked very obviously like I had a baby bump, etc.

I think people don't want to risk sounding rude. It's a lot easier to assume a skinny girl smuggling a watermelon is pregnant and not risk it ya know?

But oh just wait until you're a few months post-partum, under your pre-preg weight, WITH your newborn baby and someone asks you when you're due. Someone did that when I was out with Logan and I just had absolutely no response for them but a shocked, blank stare. (And I was only 195 then!)
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Old 06-14-2011, 03:41 AM   #10  
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I feel ya. It was one of those things that I actually feel like I missed out on. My first child was a very internal tucked in baby so I really did just look fat for most of it. I had lost 30kg before I got pregnant with her, I kept the pregnancy quiet and left work when I was 6mos pregnant. When I returned someone actually said "I wasn't sure if you were pregnant or just putting on weight again".
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Old 06-14-2011, 09:44 AM   #11  
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I had the same thing with my last pregnancy too. For my height I have a long torso (have to buy talls in lots of brands for shirts) so I don't pop as much as someone with a shorter torso would. And, I was heavy to begin with so I think people didn't want to risk asking in case I was just getting fatter (all in one spot )

I also agree with the other posters that say people play it safe. My husband, for one, will NEVER ask a woman if she's pregnant... even if she is smuggling a watermelon and naturally a size 2. He made that mistake once during adolescence and will never, ever repeat it. He won't even ask when a woman is due if he knows she's pregnant, just in case he got his wires crossed.

I'm sure you look beautiful! I wouldn't worry too much about it, people are just nervous these days.
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Old 06-14-2011, 10:20 AM   #12  
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Gale, that's a great point. I will never ever ever comment on a pregnancy unless invited to do so (as in, I KNOW she is pregnant and it is common knowledge). I would never want to be wrong. My best friend, who carries a lot of weight in her middle, was standing outside of a bar smoking a cigarette when someone approached her and started lecturing her on smoking while pregnant. They were both beyond mortified. I would hate to be on either end of that assumption.
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Old 06-16-2011, 02:14 PM   #13  
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Thanks for all the wonderful words of support. I'm coming to peace with it. And I agree, making a comment and then NOT being pregnant would be so much worse. I remember when I first started working in this building and I was pregnant and saw a woman in the 2nd floor bathroom and I thought FOR SURE she was pregnant and she was NOT. Luckily, I kept my mouth shut.

I am also trying to see the positive. Because my body is going a route that is more... (let's say) subtle, I am hoping this means getting my body back will also be a shorter route. If that's not true, I don't really care.
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Old 06-16-2011, 03:11 PM   #14  
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Goddess Jessica, big hugs.

Like Gale, I do not ever comment even if it's bleeding obvious. I was fairly slim/average after having my son, about 145lbs after the bloating went away, but people still asked me when I was going to have the baby (even holding a 2 week old in my arms), because my stomach was still outrageously swollen for weeks after. That hurt. So I vowed to never comment.

Congrats on your baby
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Old 06-18-2011, 06:52 PM   #15  
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I was with my three kids last week and walking and a woman asked when my next was due. My baby is four months and I was feeling pretty good about myself!

Most people don't ask me when I'm pregnant, until the third tri. I think a lot of it is in what I was wearing. Some shirts made it very obvious, while other things didn't make it as obvious.
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