Well, this seems to be the end of my current foray into the pregnant and nursing board (don't worry, I'm sure I'll be back sooner rather than later, lol!) I am out of milk and so am not nursing anymore. I got an infection about a month ago and my milk supply decreased dramatically. I was able to keep up with one feeding per day but he's just not getting enough even for that one feeding. **sigh** I was hoping to make it to one year. I must admit I feel like a bit of a failure. This is emotional for me and I'm having a really hard time dealing with it. But, Eli is a much happier baby now that he's getting enough to eat. He's smiley and sleeping better... all around a much more cheerful kiddo. I know that getting him the proper nutrition is what's important (and not starving the poor kid!) but I'm having a hard time with the fact that I couldn't provide that.

C'est La Vie.

It feels a little weird... I've either been pregnant or nursing since January of 2008. This will be an interesting change for me.

I'm sorry, you're not a failure. I'm sure I"ll be feeling the same way when my Eli weans since he's my last.
Like you said, he's a healthy baby cause you nursed him no matter how long it was. ((hugs))

HUGS! You're not a failure! You've got a healthy baby and he's happy and that makes you happy. There's nothing more to success than this! Sure, you can be disappointed. But not in yourself, just dumb circumstance.

What an exciting new part to your life! Nursing or pregnant since 2008?! Wow! I know that I'd be excited by the chapter to your story. Anything planned now that you're not nursing?

I'm sorry Gale! But I think you should still be very proud

Sorry.... I know it sucks when you have to end nursing before you plan to. You've done so awesome!!

Please don't beat yourself up about this. You did great with the amount of breastfeeding you did and should be proud of that. I'm very impressed by how long you managed to do it.

I had a terrible time and only lasted about week, crying every time I breastfed, and wrestled with the decision to give up completely. I felt like a failure. So I completely understand how emotional this is. But you're doing what's best for your son and that's what's important. You've been doing this for over 2 years! I'm sure you're going to be sad for awhile. It sounds strange but you're mourning a huge loss in your life so it'll take some time to get over. But it'll be ok. xoxo Big Hugs & Much Love

Thanks so much for the support ladies, you are wonderful!

I'm feeling a whole lot better about all of this since a little time has passed. Eli is sleeping like a champ now and his nap schedule has regulated. He is much happier all around. I'm enjoying wearing real bras again and not having to be home by a specific time to breastfeed... it's kind of nice in some ways.

@Jessica - I don't have any huge plans now that I'm not pg or bfing anymore. I would like to start rock climbing again (and leave the kids with a sitter), but I still have some weight to lose before I can do that... I don't think I can haul my current body weight up a cliff yet. Soon!

@Gale - Well, I will tell you that my love BEFORE pregnancy was rock climbing but I only did it in an indoor gym. I was so sad when I read something like, "Activities to avoid in the first trimester: None! Except rock climbing..." You don't have to wait too long though! That's super exciting.

Hi Gale,

You should be so proud that you did your best and that you were able to even bf a little.
I had big plans to exclusively bf my 1st baby, Benjamin. Turned out he was an extremely sleepy baby and an extremely slow eater. I pumped around the clock, but my milk supply plummeted early on. I did everything to try to exclusively bf. I was never able to. I also felt guilty. In retrospect, I know now that some things are just out of our control. Every baby and postpartum experience is different.
I honestly wish that I could formula feed my 2nd baby right now. I am still breastfeeding, but I honestly have never enjoyed it. Just not good at public nursing. Wiggly baby and it is awkward for me. Don't mind it at home though. Like you, I will do it as long as time allows. But if it ends tomorrow, so be it! =) No guilt!!! Just enjoy the babe while he is little. You can only do your best.

Sounds like you're heading in the right direction in moving on but I wanted to add support and comfort too. I have 12 and 9 yr old boys. I'm still emotionally connected to the birthing and nursing experiences for both but there's enough distance to have in nice perspective. My oldest son and I had such a traumatic emotional nursing experience (with him hospitalized a couple day for insufficient feedings in his first week). I had to stop nursing him, but I pumped for 13 months afterwards to supplement his formula. I pumped 12 times a day round the clock for 13 months to eek out a very limited milk supply.

For my youngest son, I nursed and pumped to build up enough supply (with added forumla supplementing his nursings). By the time he was 4 months, I could nursed him without pumping afterwards or supplementing with forumla. He ended up nursing until he was 5 years old (not all the time, just at bed or when hurt for comfort). We both had finally weaned off at that point. It still was super strange to realize I'd never be pregnant or nurse ever again. I really depressed myself about the only thing left in life was menopause... I was so sad for a bit but kept finding the joys in things I could do now that a pregnant/nursing mom can't. It got much better and I moved on.

Both kids had such different nursing stories but everyone thinks they're identical twins (though one's shorter by a few inches so you'd think it would prevent that idea). They're both healthy, have great eating habits and good in school. So, I don't see differences in these aspects of their lives due to their different beginnings. I was so worried at the time. Looking back, I'm just glad I got to do some breastfeeding with each (well ALOT with one). Now at this month's annual mamogram, I was glad I nursed in hopes for positive breast health since there's so much cancer in my family. A new perspective nowadays for me.

Good luck in rock climbing and all the other adventures to come.

I was really bummed when I read that while I was pg with my first! I used to use rock climbing as my strength training (cause I HATE lifting.)

I've only climbed in a gym a few times, I'm an outdoor climber as a rule. It is a whole other ball game! It's not easier or harder, it's just a completely different sport. I don't know that I'll make it out there this season, but next year for sure. We have a pretty long climbing season here in northern NM (March-early November, usually... if you can stand the cold) so I'll probably hit it next spring when I weigh a lot less. I would like to get one full season of climbing in before we start trying for #3 and I'm hoping that next year is that season.

I'm so sorry it didn't work out the way you were hoping for, but I'm glad your baby is happy and healthy! We have to remind ourselves that it's what matters most at the end of the day, right? It will be interesting to see what your body can do now that it's *yours* again!