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-   -   I'm fat I get it ... Can we move on with the day? (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/pcos-insulin-resistance-support/197314-im-fat-i-get-can-we-move-day.html)

Nicoyaangel 03-21-2010 05:19 PM

I'm fat I get it ... Can we move on with the day?
So we are at my dads house [My sister, my dad, my mom & my boyfriend]. My dad [being the "A" hole that he can be!] decides he wants to start talking about what my sister has been up to [her running]. Then he decides he wants to go around the table and ask people how much they weigh. Seriously, who does that!?! My sister 130 down 10 pounds - My mom 140 [her goal is 130] my dad 145 Guess who's turn it is? Think I answered? - NO! I get it I'm fat -- thanks for the big slap in my face.

I honestly think I was diagnosed with PCOS at the age of 12. My dad took me to the dr and I'm walking out with BC pills [I was no where near sexually active]. My dad just said take this - the dr said so. Nobody would tell me why but whatever - I wasn't allowed to ask questions back then. Just recently my dad and mom were talking about his grandkids [from his other kids] and says "Amalia can't have kids!" Then shuts up like uh oh I said too much. I know he knows something but he was always like that with me - never tells me anything.

He always has something to say about my weight & compares me to my 5'5 130lbs sister. How fair is that?? That's great that my sister is running - good job - but what about all my efforts? This gives me motivation to keep going but you can also see why I sometimes give up. I try to have my "Taadaaa!" moments but it's never good enough.

Then he starts trying to pick on my boyfriend about the car accident we had [that was not our fault] Sorry we don't have money like you do dad to take the guy to court. I had to speak up. It's one thing to talk about me but you try and intimidate my boyfriend? Oh buddy you have crossed the line. Never EVER talk about my boyfriend or my mother. Two big no no's in my world

I got a hair cut yesterday. Spent $20 on my haircut yesterday to make me feel better about feeling more feminine. Hope I'm not the only one who's felt unfeminine - if so how embarassing. I'm going to start taking better care of me - not to someday have the topic at the BBQ get together to be about me but because I want to show my father that I'm not that fat lazy person he thinks I am but the girl that has started to love herself again - no thanks to him of course.

Had to vent - thanks :)

Twitter 03-21-2010 05:26 PM

As a Mother, it is heartbreaking to me to hear a parent treat his child that way. You do this for yourself, not to prove anything to him! You actually sound like you already know that, which is great for you. Don't ever allow yourself to fall into the trap of thinking you can't or don't deserve it because of any negative comments from others.
Hope the haircut perked you up!

mammasita 03-21-2010 05:31 PM

Sounds like my father......always picking at something.

Anyhow, I have PCOS also. Irregular menstruation, a bit of facial hair in places it's not supposed to be, weight issues. I was told in 1997 I would need medical help if I ever wanted to get pregnant. 3 years later, I was getting ready to have my reproductive system checked on and x-ray'd and whatever else they needed to do to figure out my irregular cycles and inability to get pregnant. Two days before my appointment, I took a pregnancy test that happened to come in the package of ovulation predictor kits and it was positive.

My son just turned 9.

Keep your head up when it comes to your family. Have you tried setting boundaries with him? Asking him to refrain from weight comments?

Nicoyaangel 03-21-2010 05:49 PM

Twitter - [BTW Im addicted to Twitter LOL] I love my hair! I am waiting for it to grow out so I can leave it curly. I have natural curls but my hair was damaged that I chopped it off to start fresh. But it looks nice straight. I will do this for me. I am going to lose this weight and my sister will stop calling me 'fatty' and I will show him that I never gave up on me no matter how many many 'low blows' and 'cheap shots' he takes.

Mammasita - That gives me hope that someday I will have kids :) I would love to adopt also but still want a few of my own. I'm looking forward to that day & the day I buy my house :) My father has no filter. Asking him to stop is like asking a two year old not to have the terrible twos LOL Not gonna happen. I love my dad - dont get me wrong & believe it or not our relationship has improved. But the cheap shots will always be there. They have been there since I was little. I have never ever been thin EVER! Maybe when I was a baby but that's it. I discovered Vitamin D milk and it was all down hill from there. I don't drink that anymore well aside from the fact that I'm lactose intolerant lol. And I haven't had Vitamin D milk since I drank out of a bottle. After that we only have 2% or non fat.

Twitter 03-21-2010 05:57 PM

You really sound like you have a good head on your shoulders girl! Many of us could come up with an excuse for why we are heavy, but the bottom line is we ate more than we moved, basically. I am glad you have an improving relationship with your father and hope that someday, he and your sister will realize how much their words can hurt.

Nicoyaangel 03-21-2010 06:26 PM

Thank you Twitter. I hope so too. But while they are doing that I'm going to get on it and really do this for me and my future my family. I'm done making excuses - I have to lose this weight.

My boyfriend was wondering why I was in such a bad mood at my dads house npoor thing, he thought I was mad at him. So I had him read what I wrote. He grabs me, hugs me and says let's go to the park and go walking :) I love that!!! He didn't just hold me and say everything will be ok but he is taking us to the park. But he had an even better idea - let's walk to the park - which is about a mile or mile & a half away. It's a beautiful day outside and it gets dark later - so we are walking to the park! LOL Im just getting the dog some water and we are heading out.

Thank you ladies! I am so happy I can come on here vent [and be honest] and you all know what I'm talking about. I'm glad to not be alone :)

maryblu 03-21-2010 07:05 PM

I am just going to add something here...if your sister has to call you "fatty", she has some self esteem problems of her own. A sister is supposed to have your back, not pick on you. How hurtful could she possibly be? If you are the "bigger" person, heehee, you will be extra loving and supportive of her..she needs it!

You go, girl. All of the maintainers, all of the success stories, prove it can be done, despite obstacles, no matter what. You have the advantage of doing it sooner rather than later. You go, girl!

Lifeguard 03-21-2010 08:36 PM

I'm happy for you that your boyfriend is so supportive - it's important to build that support system. I'm sorry your father & sister are so nasty.

5factorgirl 03-21-2010 08:44 PM

Sorry you had to go through that. As a parent myself I can't even imagine someone hurting their child intentionally like that! What a jerk. Sorry he's your dad and all but that was very uncalled for!

You are an amazing person and what's important is you and your health. Not what he thinks of you. Just focus on yourself and do things to make yourself feel happy!

astrophe 03-21-2010 08:55 PM


I'm sorry. I wish I could say I haven't BTDT but I have with my Dad too. I know how frustrating it is!

It got better when I decided I'd just get up and go home any time my weight was brought up. It isn't up for discussion, period.

I remember in the heydey of laying the boundaries I once told my dad "Look, I have PCOS, I'm obese, it sucks, I try to improve as best I can. But you are being rude, and I don't see where you even bother to try to improve that."

So a few times of my just calmly saying "Ok, thanks for the visit!" and just going home solved the bulk of it. If they want to talk about PCOS in an educated way, fine. But I'm not up for being the freak show for dinner entertainment, and I have my own home to be at, so I go. :P

They all know that I'm just going to get up and go home if I feel like it's crossed a line. They've gotten better and actually tried to educate themselves more about the condition.

Two of my other cousins have turned up with it so that also makes it a bit easier -- I'm not the only one any more! It also makes it easier that time has passed.

I think for Dad it also was tied up in the mental adjustment of "These are my kids, so I'm in charge and all in the kids business because I AM THE DAD!" While I didn't get the dx til I was in my mid 20's, there'd been "something wrong" since I started menses at 13. So through part of this PCOS journey both my parents were knee deep in my health business because I was their child.

He had to learn that his role is now "I'm the dad to two adult women, and I'll always be the dad, but some of their stuff is their private stuff and I don't go there. It isn't my job because they are no longer my dependents."

I think that shift was easier with my sister because lucky me... I was the oldest and had to transition to "Adult Daughter" first.


Nicoyaangel 03-21-2010 11:51 PM

Maryblu - I think my sister does have a little hate for me because growing up I was daddys little girl. Besides that I have the perfect hair and [the one thing she always has to mention] the bigger boobs. LOL I love my sister & she has been there to let me go running with her since she is a runner but I know there is more behind that whole name calling thing. I know the hate for being daddys little girl thing because she told me one time. But I still don't think the name calling is going to help. That's why I'm on a mission to lose this weight and look HOT! They want to call me names well fatty isn't going to be one of them :)

LifeGuard - He is AMAZING! He has accepted the fact that I have PCOS, supports me in everything I do & is my man cheerleader through it all. He drives me nuts sometimes [what man doesn't LOL] but I can talk to him when my phone is dead & I can't come here to vent haha

5factorgirl - I don't understand why my dad does that. It's not like my sister is perfect. He makes it seems like her & his other three kids made something of themselves and I gave up. Which I didn't. I just figured out what I want to do with my life. Ya I'm almost 27 but hey better late then never.

Astrophe - Oh I do that all the time. Before I leave my house my step mom always says "ok how long are you going to last at your dads today?" It's a joke between us [nothing bad] But she knows when I come home before my mom leaves my dads something happened & today was one of those days. I just wish he would have told me when he found out what was wrong with me instead of shoving pills down my throat because "the dr said so".

I have noticed that when my sister and or mom are not there he is fine. I've been visiting him for a long time now and he has never done this. But whatever - I will lose this weight.

Heading over to the March forum to post my great news for today :)

kittycat40 03-22-2010 08:02 AM

Hi, just read your post and wanted to say what your father did was totally waaay beyond inappropriate.
I am so glad that your bf is as awesome as he is. You sound fairly awesome too! Keep taking care of yourself and perhaps limit situations where you are certain you'll be insulted.

Sassy_Chick 03-22-2010 01:42 PM

Hey just wanted to offer another :hug: and just say that I understand and leave it at that. ;)

You go girl! Your doing marvelous! :)

Nicoyaangel 03-22-2010 04:05 PM

Babble - I read your response this morning. I'm on my lunch break so have a moment to respond :) I thought the same thing too since English is his second language but then I thought to myself why didn't the dr tell ME? I am the patient and I'm old enough to talk to about this kind of stuff - for gosh sakes we were in the middle of Sex Ed at this point. I remember that clearly because the ultra sound lady was being a smart butt with me about my knowledge of the human anatomy. Ugh! Any ways so that came to mind. Now I'm mad. Well upset that everyone involved didn't think to tell the person who was going through this - ME! Thank you :) Just lately have been feeling that way also because all I've been wearing is sweats - nothing but nap now I'm shopping for me and going to dress cute and do things for me. I deserve it.

Kitty Cat - Thank you :) Moving forward I will.

Sassy!!!!!! Where have you been??? Missed you darling!! Oh it has been a big up and down ride but I have actually been doing better than before. Happy to see you on here KIT :)

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