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Gabe 03-27-2012 01:20 AM

About losing and gaining...
...not weight, but faith.

This isn't something I've felt comfortable posting about anywhere else. My blog is solely about my weight loss journey, and I feel somewhat iffy about posting about religion there. And the one message board that I post on that isn't here is a very secular board. Religion in general isn't really well-received. And I'm mostly okay with that, since I'm about as agnostic as they come.

Growing up, I was pretty much agnostic, too. We didn't really discuss religion in my family. My mom's a lapsed Catholic, and I'm pretty sure my dad's been an atheist since before I was born. When I was about 13, I started to get more interested in Catholicism; I'd always been interested in mythology, and religion seemed a natural outgrowth of that. I also read the entire Bible cover to cover.

I decided to go through the RCIA, which is the whole baptism/confirmation in one shot thing, when I was 14. But, really, even towards the end of the process, I felt like I really couldn't reconcile the theology with my own personal beliefs regarding right and wrong. And paganism--specifically, self-taught eclectic Wicca--felt more right. And so I identified as pagan instead.

That lasted about 10 years, until I was 24. I got it in my head to research the origins of the faith, and...really, for me, examining anything too closely ruins it. And, moreover, I never really felt connected to any local pagans. I never put much stock in magic, and really thought of the religion as more theological and natural than as a vehicle for ritual and magic. This didn't really mesh very well with any of the other pagans I knew. Basically, one day I realized that I didn't really believe in any of it anymore. And so...agnostic again.

The thing is, though, lately I've been feeling a lot of the old feelings stirring again. The archetypes, the changing of the seasons. I've been feeling the same sort of emotional connection to them that I once did, and I have no idea of how to deal with that, really. I don't know that I believe, and I know I'll never know anything, but I just...I feel something.

So I put it out here, because I have no idea where else to put it.

drake3272004 04-03-2012 08:57 PM

Self discovery, that's the wonderful thing about being Pagan. No boundaries and infinate beliefs.

I was raised Catholic, til I was discrimated against (twice) and wasn't able to get the answers I was seeking. Instead I was given lame explainations that didn't add up. Then was told to just have faith.

I believe in what I have experienced. I was agnostic thru high school and would have started to lean towards being atheist except that I had some experiences with spirit.

The closest beliefs that I can identify with is Pagan, so that is what I tell people. However, I am always studying and always searching. And my experiences in life shape that and I leave myself open to possiblities.

As for magic, life is magic. And prayer is magic.

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