Hi. I have a problem that I am trying to overcome when it comes to my spiritual life- which for me talking to anyone in my real life... well it's a struggle and i'm very uncomfortable with it.
Let me give some background- I came into pagan/wiccan beliefs after not believing anything my entire life growing up, then spending two years going to a pentacostal church and not understanding any of it. Well, I was going strong with Wicca for a couple of years but as I grew up (I was about 16 at the time and now i'm 28) I realized that I really didn't believe in any deity. I don't believe in a god or goddess. and I didn't feel right calling myself wiccan or pagan anymore.
I am torn from feeling I cannot be pagan or wiccan without actually being a believer in a higher power. Is it possible to be a Wiccan or Pagan Atheist? It's a stumbling block for me- because while I enjoyed meditation and magick and the spiritual feeling of just sitting in the forest or on the beach- I kind of feel like everything in the natural world is connected and divine in and of itself, without a higher power or creator. I don't know how to express this into my daily life or what to call myself and I feel like a fraud if I call myself either atheist or pagan. Would love to hear anyones thoughts on this - I feel like in my struggle to find a definition for myself I have completely neglected the spiritual side of me and now I need it in my life again.