Quote:
Originally Posted by Sally Pineapple
Zoemom may I stick my nose in and make a suggestion?
Your rant sounded just like my life and when I put it on another board that I belong to a reader wrote to me to go to Amazon and get a book called Co-dependent No More. That book gave me so much insight into myself that I never knew. As I read it all I could say was me, me, me...
It really opened my eyes that I am a Co-Dependent and the Enablers will continue to take advantage since you allow them to do it to you.
Off my soap box, but this book saved my sanity.
Good Luck.
I appreciate your response. I actually read that book quiet recently at the recommendation of a friend of mine. It described me a bit, but ultimately, I have a lot of mental issues as a result of a highly abusive father while growing up (severe OCD, depression, bi-polar syndrome, anxiety, paranoia, and adult ADHD) that require medication on a regular basis. Actually, the only issues I medicate for is the OCD and the anxiety. Everything else I am okay with managing on my own, and in a way, enjoy it as it motivates me to overcome certain obstacles. In fact, if I can keep the OCD and anxiety at bay, everything else is hardly noticable, but if they flair up, I am a one woman wrecing ball. However, right now, something is very askew in my system that is causing me to be rather irrational despite those medications. I have two voices in my head right now...the rational one telling me I am acting nuts, and the irrational one telling me I will die if I listen to the rational one. I am batty and at least I know it. That is something I guess. I chalk my recent bought of insanity up to losing weight and throwing my metabolism off kilter.
Anyways, it is rather hard to live with me, and I know that. My husband is an amazing and awesome person. Last night is a prime example. I was fine, until I saw a flower pot had been knocked over by the cats. The rational side of me said to just pick it up, vaccuum the dirt, and no harm done. The irrational side of me flipped the freak out and starting ranting about killing the cats (I would NEVER do that!) and started crying whilst heaving my guts up because of the anxiety and the "mess". My husband pulled me into our room, told me to lay down with a cool rag over my head. He then proceeded to spend 4 hours detailing the room the cats had knocked the flower pot over in and progressed into the other rooms of the house as well. He even helped my daughter alphabatize her books, knowing full well that last night was my turn to read a story to her and I would end up doing that instead of reading if I saw the disarray they were in.
The roommate even pitched in. I actually am rather surprised by that one, he never pitches in. Even though he is a slob, my husband has only to be asked and he will jump right on it. I guess it helps that he has his own form of mental illness so even though he doesn't get mine per say, he gets it. I just rarely do because I tell myself I am the only one that can do it "right" or I am the only one who will pay attention to the details. Or I tell myself that he needs rest because he is so much older than me, or he is the bread winner, or a million and other excuses. My husband is clueless on a lot of things, and he has to be asked a lot, but he is really good with just doing it, and without complaint.
The roommate on the other hand, I have to nag endlessly. He and I get into it frequently about his slobbishness. At least my husband keeps his isolated in his study. My roommate drags it all over the house. The clothes, the left over Chinese food, the three week old pizza box that was apparently in his room and somehow made it to my laundry room and sat there for two days before I discovered where the garlic smell was coming from. Or, he'll push me out of the kitchen when I am cleaning it and start doing it himself...except he uses a dirty rag to wipe the counters down (then REHANGS it so people can dry their hands on it...EWWWW!) He never uses hot water when washing the dishes, rarely uses soap, never rinses anything before putting it in the dishwater..ultiamtely...he creates MORE work for me. He literally drives me nuts. And he knows it! In fact, the flower pot was ultiamtely because of from him. Instead of putting it outside or in his room, or even on the mantle, he put it on the floor next the the cat's scratching post.
My daughter only has to see me doing it and she jumps right on it. She is an amazing kid like that. Granted, her idea of clean and my idea of clean are far different, I don't have to say two words to her about it. And she will cme ask me to check it. If I do and mention she forgot something, she jumps on it without complaint. I have a really awesome kid.
My issues are mostly mental, and I know that. (Granted, the roommate and I are going to tangle if he doesn't wipe his sweet tea mess up out of my fridge...this is the forth time in two weeks!) I am usually in control with medication. I haven't wigged out in many a year, until the past week or so. I really think my body is adjusting to the weight loss and the medications are being metabolized differently then they once were. I have an appointment early next week to get my pysch meds re-evaluated.
WOW! I just realize I told a bunch of people I barely know how messed up I am. It has taken my pysch close to ten years to get that much info from me. Feels good getting it off my chest, but I am sure it makes me sound like I need a straight jacket. Heck, maybe I do. I am sure there are far worse things out there then giving myself a hug.