"My food addiction was acquired so I could survive and cope in earlier, painful circumstances. Thus began two myths: First, that pain was to be avoided at all costs, and second, that eating would relieve the pain free of charge. These myths were useful then, but they are insanity today.
As I become willing to accept the truth that is revealed to me in this program, the myths I clung to so desperately lose credibility. I no longer need to be anesthetized; I can stand still and feel my feelings. I don't think something is wrong if I'm not happy every minute.
For today: The more I accept the reality of what is, the more comfortable and serene my life becomes."
This is so true!! I have been "sitting" with my feelings for the last two days. It is so different than eating over them. We had thousands of dollars in house problems pop up suddenly. Lots of stress, lots of sitting and thinking.
I LOVE the saying that it's a myth that pain is to be avoided at all costs. It isn't easy to sit with pain. As a person who wants to find a reason for everything, I will try to analyze it, find the root of my fealings that cause me the pain. What beliefs am I holding on to that cause me to fear this situation. The fear and anxiety being the pain.
Anyway, I admire my DH, he seems to be able to just let it pass.
This hits home because I've really had food on the brain starting yesterday.
This morning, I was really trying to get in touch with why do I want to eat?! I realized I am stressed about the next month and all that I have on my plate with relatives visiting, birthday party to plan, going out of state (to my mother's which is a major deal in itself), Thanksgiving at our house, then more relatives, and then the holidays and a vacation to Mexico in the midst of it all. I'm actually excited for it all and love to have a lively house with friends and family. But there is prep work to make it all happen.
So, this is how I'd normally cope: I'd start eating right about now to deal with the anxiety and then have no energy to deal with it all! INSTEAD I will make a list, take my long hike in the morning and then accomplish things daily from the list to get ready for all the action instead of waiting until the last minute and then crashing for a week when it's all over. Then maybe I'll be able to really enjoy being with friends and family. What a concept!
I had to sit with my feelings last night. I had a craving for something sweet. After being puzzled for a moment and wondering where in the world it came from, I paused and remembered it's my disease. Apparently I had an open door for my disease to talk to me through-- could have been the tired door.
So, I sat and meditated on the fact that it's my disease, and it's okay to hear it and feel it. I knew that I couldn't fix it; I just needed to live through it. So, I turned my focus to something else (the computer and TV) and after a while the desire completely left me.
I am so thankful for this program. I am so thankful that I know that I don't have to eat over my feelings or just because I desire something. Later last night I thought about all the things that in the past I would have eaten to try to fix the feeling. None of them would have worked, and I would have continued eating trying to find the one that would fix it.
Hmmm. I have found my sanity through finally feeling my feelings and working through them. I did not have sanity when I was compulsively stuffing my feelings with food. This is one of the basic foundations of OA.
True. It's the illusion of sanity that the disease provides me with. I read the "Big Book" over the weekend, by the way. I don't agree with everything it has to say, but reading it was a step in the right direction...
I guess.
Hey Elizabeth,
Wow, that's great that you read the Big Book. What parts did you read? What stood out to you?
It's normal to not agree with everything that it has to say. Some of us change our opinions over time as we recover. Some folks say, "Take what you like and leave the rest."
When I listen to others share their recovery, and I look back on my own recovery in progress, I can't find a thing to disagree with in the book-- but that's my story. I WANT recovery more than anything else, so I am willing to embrace the program in its entirety.
You took a big step by having an open heart to try the book.
I read chapters 1-7, and 11. I, too, subscribe to the "take what you like and leave the rest" philosophy-- for the time being, anyway. And though I realize the importance of embracing the program in its entirety, I also think it's possible to develop a more or less personalized approach to recovery, that's tailored to one's individual needs & idiosyncracies. (That is, other than the ones we have in common...) Of course, it could be that I'm just afraid I'll have to sacrifice who I am in order to recover; that I've identified with the disorder to such a great extent, I feel as if my individuality is at stake, along with what endures of my mental "freedom". None of this makes perfect sense. And here's where the book & I agree: "There is virtually no other solution than that of a spiritual approach".
No, but I've been thinking about buying "Take it off and keep it off" by Anonymous... I have read one or two other books on the subject, though. Namely, "Overcoming Binge Eating" (just last week) and "Dieting: A Dry Drunk" (less than six years ago, when I first came to the realization that I had an eating disorder-- although, I've been fading in & out of denial ever since).
I highly recommend "12 Steps and Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous". It's a reality check and guides you through the program step by step. I re-read step one about 20 times when I first investigated OA. It took a while for me to digest it and get over my own denial.
It can be ordered through the OA website or through amazon.
For Today
