Binge Eating Disorder
Step 1: admitting powerlessness over my food addiction B.E.D
That is what I have.
I just want to take a record of this for my own sake here but if this is triggering look away now!!
MY TRIGGERS:
Trigger time: night-time (after 6pm), snack times during the day
Trigger feelings: boredom, isolating myself, feeling upset, angry
Trigger places: the kitchen! other peoples's food in the kitchen
Family eating unhealthy. feel ashamed of being bigger. mentality of the "fat kid", don't feel any happier now than when I was big.
no self-respect, no self-esteem whilst fat, not being happy with my physical appearance-dating being a disaster. quest to lose weight
"if i look perfect on the outside, then I'll feel perfect on the inside"
obsessive calorie counting
fad dieting-detoxes, weight watchers, counting points, eating vegetarian stuff etc
undereating to get quick results
sometimes I can't keep myself away from temptation-skipping meals the next day.
obsessed with self-improvement, with fitness, not living my life
"I thought by losing the weight, I'd feel happier but I feel the same"
if weight loss is not the answer, then I don't know what the answer is
Feelings before a binge: anxiety, stress, depression
Feelings upon the first bite: relief "thank god, i feel semi-ok/normal now", euphoria, a high
Feelings as I keep eating: urgh I'm such a pig but since I've started, I might as well continue, feeling like a failure
Feelings afterwards: disappointment "I've let myself down", failure
Trigger foods:
Sugar:
Jam
Peanut butter
jelly including sugar free jelly
Pastries, bread, bagel, rolls
Pasta
Rice
Muesli, most cereals-all bran is okay as it's not nice enough to overeat. weetabix would be a "yellow" food-sometimes its ok, sometimes its not ok
the worst cereal offenders: special k-seems healthy but its not, special k with red berries,
sweetened yoghurts, diet yoghurts
all cakes
ice cream
tinned fruit in juice and syrup with the ice cream
cream
milkshakes
chocolate
sweets
cereal bars including the special k bars..they are the WORST for me. nature valley bars
nutri-grain oats one are terrible too
nutrigrain strawberry or apple or blueberry are a yellow food as they aren't nice enough to binge on, the fruit in them tastes so synthetic
flavoured porridge
flavoured water-volvic touch of fruit
all fizzy drinks
fruit squash
tonic water
alcohol will trigger off a binge. any alcohol. it gives me a false appetite.
Carbs
porridge-yellow
cereal-red
pasta-red
brown rice-red/yellow, not quite sure about that one
couscous-red, too easy to prepare, very quick
sandwiches-all kinds
sushi-yellow. a lot of mayo usually in the filling..dodgy.
Bread alternatives
ryvita-too easy to binge on, it's just THERE, right in front of me. its a
yellow food, not nice enough to binge on all the time but i have to be careful around it all the same
ricecakes are a red food, tastes too much like really dry stale popcorn, almost makes me think i am having popcorn
pumpernickel bread-never bought it but i prob would binge on it so it's a red food
anything white is the absolute worst white bread, white pasta
chocolate covered anything is red-chocolate covered apples, toffee apples, hard sweets, werthers originals, penny sweets, jelly babies
chocolate covered brazil nuts
Nuts and seeds
cashew nuts-red
sesame seeds-yellow
pumpkin seeds-yellow
peanuts-red
brazil nuts-red
bombay mix-red
Dairy foods:
cheese is a trigger, way too nice with everything!
natural yoghurt and skimmed milk are ok. skimmed milk is yellow-as long as there aren't any other reds around, then its fine!
ALL dried fruit are red! wayy too sweet
Vegetables
sweetcorn
carrots-yellow, sometimes its ok, sometimes its not
potatoes, chips
parsnips-yellow food
turnips-yellow food, well actually its ok because it takes too long to cook to binge on.
red onion
spring onions
normal onion is okay as it's not sweet enough to keep eating a load of it
beetroot
Fruit
Fruit is not my first go-to binge food but IN THE ABSENCE OF OTHER BINGE FOODS, I will binge on fruit, any fruit that is about
especially:
apples-red, especially pink lady apples as they are very sweet indeed!
not so much bananas as they fill me up too quick.
bananas-yellow food
grapes
nectarines
mandarin oranges
plums
kiwis-yellow food, they're not nice enough to eat a whole pile of them
tinned fruit-too easy to eat, just open the can etc
Fried food
any kind of fast food, ready meals, jar of sauces, diet foods make me eat twice as much! same with "low fat" etc etc
baked beans is a trigger
other types of beans prob aren't as they are harder to prepare, have to soak them etc.
Types of food that trigger me:
Fast food-incl any kind of take out
most chinese food
most indian food
tapas
italian food-the pastas, cannelonis, pizzas, roast potato and rosemary with garlic on it
Condiments/Dips/Side Dishes
Too many spices in the house-sometimes dip my finger into the really spicy curry mix I have! That is so disgusting I know yet I do it in desperation
salsa
rosemary sauce
vinegrette dressing
any kind of salad dressing
balsalmic vinegar on its own-if I put it onto vegetables I'm going to roast, then it's fine. it's a
yellow
garlic dip
sweet chilli dip
brown sauce
mayo
curry sauce out of the pack-I think if I made my own, and measured it out, it would be okay
dried herbs-the Italian mix is a red one,
the single ones are fine. be careful around the rosemary too! the mixes of herbs and spices are the problem!
sour cream
guacomole-yes when its paired with the other dips
I have to be careful with the amount of sauces, even passata and canned tomatoes I use. The more passata/tinned tomato I use on a chilli, the more food I'll add to it
table sugar
tomato ketchup
salad cream
mayonnaise
coleslaw
potato salad
waldorf salad
Food situations in the kitchen
I usually binge on DRY foods, not cooked foods.
Leftovers trigger a binge for me-only make the food I need at each meal
Food lying around the house-fruit bowls in the kitchen omgg!!!
brown bread just lying beside the microwave, tempting me!
knowing that bread is in the freezer and i can just pop it in the toaster
Safe foods:
Green:
I never binge on:
Any green veg-not enough sugar to binge on
natural yoghurt-not nice enough to binge on
fresh herbs and spices
fresh fish
frozen fish
tinned sardines-they're horrible, i barely eat them as it is!
tinned salmon-not nice enough
smoked salmon-not nice enough
prawns-dont really like
plaice-not nice enough
bass-not nice enough
red meat-not nice enough
Yellow:
tinned tuna-if there are red binge foods about, I will use it to binge on
cold cuts-if there are red binge foods about, I will use it to binge on
almonds-surprised I haven't binged on them but the high calorie count puts me off bingeing on them. I eat three in the morning so they're fine for now but will keep an eye on it
skimmed milk-if there are red binge foods about, I will use it to binge on
dried herbs and spices-in the absence of red binge foods, I may use these
fresh melon-too hard to cut up
fresh pineapple-too hard to cut up
Trigger foods in a nutshell:
convenience food, so easy to binge on, so easy to prepare
that's why I'd be better off buying the pinhead oats-longer time to prepare, brown rice-longer time to prepare (NOT the uncle bens ones, the other ones!)
tinned fruit
tinned tuna
cold cuts
anything with a high % of sugar and/or salt
Newcomer abstinence log
