reclaiming past resentments, guilt, and shame
I was at work last night, and I kept going over and over an old experience in my head. I had given away the resentment, guilt, and shame in my 5th step long ago. I have been living free from it since. However, last night it came to haunt me.
As I was feeling pinned down by it, the thought occurred to me, "Hey, I already gave this away. I already made amends. I've already been forgiven. This isn't coming from God. This thought process isn't good for me."
So, I stopped what I was doing, and right then got on my knees and prayed about it. I thanked God that All had already been washed clean, and asked for the willingness and ability to accept freely the gift of freedom from this old haunt. I let it go.
Then, I got up and finished my work in peace.
Before program, I didn't know how to do this. I used to wallow in my guilt and shame for days, years. I hadn't ever experienced freedom from it. Now that I know what freedom is, I can tell when I'm not enjoying it, and furthermore, can do something about it.
I'm so thankful for OA and the peace that I now have in my life.
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