2nd weigh-in. warning: food mentioned.
Cycled over to the gym this morning for my 2nd weigh-in since joining OA. Kept saying the serenity prayer in tune with the rotation of the bicycle wheels so as not to have expectations. Was nervous. I only have to face this every 4 weeks, having worked out a plan with my sponsor in light of letting go an obsession with weight. And I have to say, it’s worked for me to focus on health and nutrition.
As suggested, I use the same electronic scales at my local gym, and don’t keep scales at home anymore.
I was not really due to weigh-in this for another few days, but will be out of town next week. I think I had a hope rather than an expectation – I did feel very well in myself and my clothes felt a bit looser.
Imagine my joy to see I was 6lbs down. 6lbs !! My heart is singing with gratitude to OA, because believe me, this weight loss is not MY doing! I show up. I keep it in the day. I put the action in. The rest is down to OA.
But to anyone starting out this route, can I just share that I have found ‘letting go’ in OA very difficult with the emphasis on trust and spirituality.
My long history of control-freakery seemed so deeply embedded in me, whereby I swung from binge mode to control and diet mode on a never-ending cycle. In the latter stages of my COE, my binge mode was getting bigger and I was just too exhausted to keep starting yet another diet. Or if I did start, it was one of those drastic deprivation diets.
But in OA, I have found hope through members who tell me that yes, change is incredibly difficult, but that change is both essential to my well-being and they show me that change is POSSIBLE by their own recovery from COE.
Here’s a few examples of the change possible for me these past precious weeks. I have lost total of 9lbs by a food plan based on ‘intuitive eating’. My kitchen is now giving house room to stuff I would NEVER have let past the front door! Organic peanut butter! Bananas. High Grade Fish Oil supplements. For years I ignored doctor’s advice to take these foods in moderation for good bone density etc. I guess the difference is I don’t abuse these foods by using them for doorstep sandwiches in processed foods.
All my meals have a high proportion of great veg like broccoli and cauliflower and string beans and salad. I eat protein for breakfast.
I abstain in general from triggers like mash potato, fries, processed food and sugar, and eat a lot more wholegrains like quinoa and brown rice. I’m exercising more about 4 times a week, hiking and a bit of treadmill if it’s raining. Moderate cycling – my bike is not a racer, but it’s better than the car.
I am not totally sugar-free –and I have struggled with that in recovery, having tried FAA – I’ve shared this on other posts.
What seems to work for me is an emphasis on balance and moderation rather than black/white rules. Having said that, as a COE, I don’t have balance as a natural attribute, so I need to maintain a fit spiritual condition in order to have some balance in my life.
But today, OA is working to slowly slowly lift the obsession with food. And I do mean slowly. If I’m tired, old behaviours call out compellingly to me. I struggle to stay abstinent. But I have big bouts of peace too. Precious precious peace.
I now weigh 157lbs!! Have no time to change tracker. Thank you all for inspiring me to keep letting go, one day at a time.
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