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-   -   Daily Progress/Chat thread??? (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/overeaters-anonymous/119856-daily-progress-chat-thread.html)

Ann72 08-07-2007 09:09 AM

Daily Progress/Chat thread???
 
I feel like I want a place to talk about what I'm going through as I'm progressing through the steps and learning more about the program. Hopefully, this will avoid my many individual question threads. :)

I went to a meeting last night and really enjoyed the speaker. I could relate to almost everything she spoke about, especially her tendency to be a black or white thinker and one who struggles to "live in the gray." I find this so true of my life and of my eating behaviors in the past. I guess it is indicative of an addictive personality.

I also wanted to share that I'm learning a lot through my writing. I hate doing it, but it reveals a lot to me. Right now, I'm working on question #3 from my sponsor. I'm so glad that she gives me questions to do rather than making me write a more open journal. I always had a hard time writing when I wasn't given a prompt.

Today's my 9th day of abstinence. It feels good. My body's getting used to this way of eating. My head feels clearer. I'm crying more. Someone at OA said that once the food stops going in the tears can come out. I'm finding that true for me.

Hope others will share their daily struggles/lessons here...

ODAAT 08-07-2007 10:26 AM

The black and white thinking is something I struggle with. I've always been all or nothing. I did a computer based Cognitive Behaviour Therapy course a few months ago, and one thing it focused on was learning to recognise black/white thinking and to tackle it - it talked about questioning it and realising that it isn't a realisitc way to think.

I've been having a hard week, but thank God I am still absitainant. The depression is getting worse and my medication has increased. Normally I would cope with this by eating, but I don't do that anymore. Some days it feels like my HP has abandoned me, but then I realise that I'm not listening enough. I think sometimes I don't want to hear my HP. I think I'm scared that one time I'll look for him and he isn't there. I think I'm scared of rejection.

Thank you for this opportunity to write today Ann, it has really helped.

charlenej 08-07-2007 11:50 AM

Hi all,

It's been a while since I've been a presence on this board. Thank you for honest sharing. I've enjoyed reading your posts and thank you for posting this daily chat.

I have nine months of OA program and my life is very different than it was last October...in a good way!

I'm working Step Nine right now (making amends). The past two weeks have been emotional for me. I shared at my meeting last night that it's hard for me to admit that I haven't been the mom that I know my nine yr old son deserves- especially the past two years. How could I be when I was in a food fog and depression cloud?

All those days I had headaches and nausea from bingeing on sugar and couldn't get myself out of bed or off the couch and my husband had to take over with the morning or evening routine (when he already works a full time job and I don't). All the times I chose not to go on the hike or the bike ride with them because I just didn't have the energy from overeating. All the times I put on a movie for him because I just couldn't muster any energy for him. All the times I wasn't present because I spent too much time on the computer. All the times I isolated with my food and missed out on life instead of reaching out to friends and family.

It's all very hard to face but on the other hand it's also very freeing to let it out and learn new ways to cope, hold myself accountable and really live my life. I get so excited and grateful for it all.

Now that I'm clear headed I'm learning time management (something I struggle with) and to set priorities to care for myself and my family.

If I ever doubted the program in the past, I certainly do not now as my life is living proof of the progress that can be made one step at a time:)

I'm far from perfect or fully recovered from food and still have my very hard days but now I know those days don't need to send me over the edge in a downward spiral like I did with the food and depression in the past. I don't have to binge and add physical distress to my already hard day.

"This too shall pass" and "Progress not perfection" I really get what those mean now.

Keep sharing!

xoxo
Charlene

Magic Flute 08-07-2007 02:09 PM

Hi Ann and Charlene,
Wow both of you could be talking about me, it is amazing how much we all go thru similiar feelings even though our life situations are different. Some days I feel so confident in my food management and working the steps and on other days I feel I am almost in a panic for fear of having a non-program food. My food plan in based on a listing of red, yellow and green foods, portion and serving sizes according to labels. Initially I was counting calories and then the calories started to compete with my Higher Power. I have to program my brain to eat like a normal person... so when I am out and about or with friends I watch what they eat and how they eat. Small servings, little or no carbs and they eat very slowly. I know I will never be normal, I will always have this disease but I want to behave as if I was normal at each meal. Never eat anything you would not eat infront of your Higher Power or Sponsor.
Bumps

Ann72 08-07-2007 08:32 PM

It's so amazing how similar we are in so many ways. I feel like so many of you are describing my life when you write your posts. While I'm sorry that we share this disease, I'm grateful that we're all here to support one another.

Bumps--I think the struggle you're going through will work out in the end. THe more I think about it, the more I realize that the process of figuring out the food plan thing is so critical. I'm so glad you abandoned the calorie counting (too diet-like for me!) and are tuning in more to your HP.

charlene--I was in tears while reading about your feelings about what type of mom you feel you've been. All I can say is that I relate to it. My child is less than a year old, but I've often not felt fully present. Before finding this program, I would struggle to keep my eyes open (after binges) while she played right next to me. I felt like a crack addict. Instead of spending quality time with her, I would waste so much of our time together physically getting food and bingeing. I'm so grateful that my HP pointed me in the right direction to OA and to this site. My daughter deserves the best mother. She deserves a solid role model. She deserves to see a mother who has a healthier relationship with food and her body. She is the reason why I'm working so hard to tackle this compulsive overeating.

From my point of view, your son is blessed. He has a mother who is willing to take the steps necessary to improve her life. You may not have been the mother that you wanted to be in the past, but you are certainly very present, aware, and focused right now. Your son will benefit tremendously from the work that you're doing now. Your relationship will benefit, and he will look back with pleasure on what a caring, loving mother you were (and are) for him.

ODAAT--You are doing so well at remaining abstinent despite the struggles you've had these past few days. That is a huge accomplishment. That, in itself, is such a big step at overcoming the black/white pattern. Right now, you're living in the gray. Dealing with depression and the ups and downs of life while not turning to food. It's hard, but it's the way it's meant to be. We all have to learn to feel the pains in life without numbing them with food. You are doing so well.

Ann72 08-09-2007 08:12 AM

I finished dinner last night and really wanted something else. Something sweet, perhaps? I found myself rummaging through the cupboards looking for something. My intuitive voice stopped me and reminded me that I had eaten everything from my food plan and that I really wasn't hungry. This voice reminded me to use other tools to deal with this situation.

Here is my inner conversation:

Voice: You really don't need anything else. You are satisfied and fine.
Me: No, I want more.
Voice: Why don't you call someone from OA?
Me: Don't feel like it.
Voice: Why don't you exercise? You haven't done this in ages.
Me: Too lazy.
Voice: Why don't you watch some television.
Me: Nothing on.
Voice: Why Don't you write in your journal.
Me: I hate writing! Don't feel like it.
Voice: Maybe you should read some of your OA literature.
Me: I'm all caught up and where I should be. I don't feel like reading beyond that right now.
Voice: Why dont you post online
Me: I'm sick of the computer.
Voice: You ate a decent dinner. You're just looking for more food to satisfy boredom.
Me: I know, but I don't care.
Voice: Why don't you just close the cupboard and sit down for a few minutes.
Me: OK, I guess.

So, I sat. After 10 minutes I felt like I didn't need anything else. I decided to call two nice ladies from OA. A half hour later I was feeling better.

It pays to listen to that intuitive voice. I'm grateful that my Higher Power uses it to communicate with me. I need to remember that it knows better than I do.

Hope you're all doing well.

sidhe 08-09-2007 09:51 AM

Sounds like that was definitely a success, Ann! Good for you! :)

Magic Flute 08-10-2007 01:41 PM

Hi Ann,
Wow that was amazing. I have had similiar conversations with myself. I always wondered why I wanted, "mmm something sweet". It must satisfy something in the neurons in our brains, however there never is any satisfaction and that why there can't be "something sweet" for me, I don't know when to stop. Then after the something sweet, it would be "something salty". The insanity of it is amazing.
Bumps

searsha 08-11-2007 04:54 AM

almost lost the plot and the programme
 
Hi everybody,

I have an extra shot of gratitude this morning, but I’m also more than a little scared because I came so so so close to losing my abstinence last night.

I was in a rocky rocky place to begin with – work had gone ‘nutsy’ the night before and I was sleep deprived, and gone from that to looking after my angelic 3 year old niece who was not in such angelic shape – (and to be honest, that bothered me most of all, because I so wanted to get in her little head and try to ‘heal’ whatever was bothering her, but she did not want to go there, and I’m reminded as I write this that Rachel might be only 3, but she can have her ‘off days’ too and it’s not such a big deal!) Plus I had my Mom to watch out for also, she was a little off colour too. 3 women, 3 generations, all a bit shaky. It was stressful.

I went from that straight to work, no me-time factored in, still tired and I just got walloped by such a desire to binge. Just before I hit work, I actually had gone into a shop – not a great shop, so not much in the line of good fresh veg or fish – and I had to leave without buying anything because all the processed food was almost jumping off the shelves at me. Crinkly paper tempting me so much. It was horrible.

Because the day was so rushed, I was low on supplies, but thank God there was a forgotten brown rice dish lurking at the back of the freezer. I think I was half sorry I found it, because now I had no excuse to try to find something off-plan! But my HP had other ideas.

I was ‘bingy’ in the way I ate my snack earlier than usual, ate more banana than I usually do, more natural yogurt and just felt full of negativity. I was eating it for comfort and went to bed feeling guilty. But I slept like a log, and did a kind of ‘step 10’ this morning, reviewing the whole day, and asking myself had I broken my abstinence.

Here’s why I believe my abstinence is intact.
When I arrive in work, my colleagues go home and I have to hold the fort – can’t leave the building unless it’s an emergency.
This is great for my programme because I can’t run to the corner shop on impulse.

But last night, it struck me forcibly that there is always a way for an ‘addict’. And that all I had to do was put a call out to the transport guys-on-call around the corner, and they’d be here in 10 minutes to hold the fort while I ‘nipped out’. I considered this, how easy it would be, how tired and horrible I felt, and how a couple of bars of chocolate would get me through my shift. Only you guys would know how huge that temptation was.
But to do that just seemed a bridge too far. I’m still so new to all this and so shaky in my newness. But stopping short of calling in the troops means I have a ‘sliver of sanity’ thanks to my time in OA. I had that tiny 'moment of grace' they talk about in the rooms. I made the decision not to call the guys.
And so I thank God I had some nutritious banana and went to bed instead of wreaking havoc on my body and my soul and my mind. Thank God for all you guys and your inspirational posts and your support. Thank God I'm still abstinent, one day at a time.

Ann72 08-12-2007 10:43 PM

Searsha--Sounds like you had a very hectic day, and when you factor in the lack of "me time," I'm sure you were feeling very overwhelmed. I hate those types of days, and I know they are the type that lead me to binge as well. I'm so glad your HP was guiding you on this day by limiting your opportunities to binge. I'm glad you had the strength and the will to resist and remain abstinent.

Just another lesson being thrown your way so that you can learn more about yourself and what leads you to binge. You are stronger for going through it.

kgb 08-13-2007 02:09 AM

Hi ladies
After 3 weeks of abstinence I took back my will. I have been bad, deception got me back to relapse. I have been cutting food from my food plan and not telling my sponsor, (my desire to lose weight took over me, I didn't let go of my will!). Yesterday I was back in the food and the toilet.

I too feel like the worst mother in the world. I took my 3 year old in the other room to watch the Wiggles whilest I had my own party. I was un willing to call someone or use any of the other tools. I just wanted to run away from the world.

I was totally ready to tell my sponsor that I understood if she didn't want to sponsor me anymore and that I was a disappointment to everyone and that I didn't want to waste her time.

My sponsor told me to read chapter 3 of the big book and realized that I am trully a COE. I have been bought back to step one. Thank God for people in program and their total acceptance.

KGB

searsha 08-13-2007 05:09 AM

Hi KGB
 
Great to see you back here. Hope you feel better after sharing. You’re very brave to put it all out there so honestly. I’m so sorry you had to go through the misery of relapse, but your story shows me that OA really gives us the kind of gentle non-judgemental support which I believe is utterly essential in helping to heal me, one day at a time.
Like you, I am my own harshest critic.
And I’m reminded of that when I read your post.
When you criticise your parenting role, I want to reach out and say – no, you’re a very good parent, you are willing, despite struggles, to be well for your child. And because I want to say that to you, it reminds me to be gentle with myself too.
I can relate so readily also to your ‘wanting to run away from the world’.
That is the cornerstone of my disease for me.
Simple as that. For so long, I believed food was my friend enabling me to do just that!!
OA is blowing all that untruth away in me by showing me the enormous cost to my physical, mental and emotional well being that food extorted from me.
I’ve given too much of myself to destructive eating. But like my sponsor says, I’m powerless because the level of ‘broken-ness’ – the dark place which makes me want to ‘run away from the world’ is so deep in me that I need help and support to be well.
I’m powerless, but thank God, I’m not helpless. Today I choose to reach out for help so that I can continue to heal.
Keep in touch KGB. Wishing you well,

Ann72 08-13-2007 08:14 AM

kgb--Thank you for sharing your struggle. I know that others will be able to relate. It took us so many years to develop our bad habits and compulsions around food. Maybe we need to realize that it's not always possible to undo it all overnight.

Speaking with others in my OA meetings, I've come to realize that all of the relapses or bumps that people go through are such a necessary part of the journey. They are meant to be learning opportunites for us given to us by our Higher Powers. Some people run away from the program when they happen. Perhaps they're not ready. The people that seem to stick around and "keep coming back" are the ones who seem to get the most out of the program.

Remember that they say it's all about "progress, not perfection." You have made so much progress, and now you've learned a bit more about yourself and you're ready to move forward in the program.

Also, you mentioned going back to Step 1. I'm coming to see that it's normal to keep returning to previous steps. I always thought they were meant to be "conquered" or moved on from, but I'm now seeing that you have to revisit all of them everyday. Truth is that we are powerless over food. We always have been and always will be.

I'm just so glad you got the unconditional support you needed from your sponsor and that you are willing to stick with the program rather than run. I know you will be stronger for this in the end.

Magic Flute 08-13-2007 11:24 AM

Hi kgb,
Thanks for sharing your struggle. That sounded really painful and because of your generous sharing I will be less tempted the next time my will tries to take over my HP's will.
Searsha thank you for Powerless...not Helpless. And also Ann mentioning all the tools available to use.
I love this program!
Bumps

marny 08-13-2007 11:33 AM

You guys rock.

There is so much experience, strength, and hope in these posts. I love coming here and reading about your journeys.

KGB- You are right where you're supposed to be. You've learned something very powerful through this process. Sometimes folks like you and me have to experience or learn things the hard way. Just reading it in the book doesn't cut it for us.

Krisana H 08-13-2007 09:41 PM

Wow, this is really powerful. I am new to the forum. I have been working an OA program since September of 2005 and been abstinent from sugar and white flour since December 2005. I have recently moved from Colorado to Minnesota and I am trying to learn where I fit in; which meetings match me personality and work schedule. I tried a few meetings and during the one meeting I was attracted to the speaker's description of what it was like before she found program. I left the meeting and immediately made a phone call to discuss this. Part of me thought that my relationship with my HP was strong enough and I could continue abstinence through being involved in my church, but the other part knew that was not true. Thank God I had this knowledge. I had heard many people share how they lost program in a move. This will not be me if I continue to remember I am powerless and I need the fellowship to maintain my daily reprieve from food. The reprieve is contingent on keeping myself spiritually fit. I am so grateful for all the experience that has been shared. It reminds me that I am not alone. I have these same thoughts and I have to let them go. Thank you all for reminding me of the love and support that the fellowship offers.

I don't know how this all works; so if I need to do something differently please let me know.
Krisana

marny 08-14-2007 01:29 AM

Hey Krisana-

I wondered if that was you... ;)

Glad you're here! :welcome3:

A move is hard on every level, but you are reaching out. You are looking for a meeting that works for you. You've made it here. You are moving forward with program.:cp:

kgb 08-14-2007 02:35 AM

I am having a really good day today.

After reading chapter 3 of the BB I have had real revelation about this disease. Following are just a few things that hit the spot that may help some of you with step 1.

1. Loosing weight will not solve Compulsive Over Eating, we will always be COE even when we are thin ie, the Alcoholic is still an alcoholic after periods of sobriety. Just because we may be thinner the disease does not go away.
2. No person likes to admit they are bodily or mentally different to other people
3. Countless vain attempts to prove we can diet/eat like other people, got us no where (we used every form of self deception and experimentation trying to prove exceptions to the rule (ie that we are not COE).
4. We like the idea that someday we could eat/control and enjoy food like other people this is obsession of the COE (We pursue this to the gates of insanity).
5. All of us at times have felt like we were regaining control (periods of brief recovery) such intervals usually brief were inevitable followed by less control, which lead to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralisation
6. We can not stop COE with knowledge alone.

marny 08-14-2007 11:51 AM

Awesome summary! I'd like to get it tatooed on my arm so that I can read it or point to it whenever necessary. :D

charlenej 08-14-2007 12:09 PM

Good morning.

Ann-Thanks for the kind words last week about my son and me. Very thoughtful and encouraging. I've had some great moments with him since working living amends with him. With kids, they don't want to hear us talk smack, they want action!

KGB glad you're here and willing to be so honest. I loved your checklist.

Welcome to the newcomers and those coming back! It's nice to see the OA board hoppin' again.

My food was "slippery" on Saturday. We had guests all weekend. I got all the junk out of the house that others brought; it's hard to throw away food but I did it anyway. I also took a morning walk yesterday and today which makes my dog happy too:)

I have been a little preoccupied in my mind about losing more weight and the old diet mentality can creep in easily for me "If I skip a meal" or "maybe I should try the new *xyz* diet". But I know better. It's always about surrender for me and that's my focus today...surrender my food, crazy thoughts and just get on with it today :)

xo
Charlene

Ann72 08-14-2007 09:31 PM

Today I'm feeling overwhelmed with it all. How will I do this for my whole life? How will I deal with life's ups and downs when my close friend "Food" is not around for me to lean on? How can I do this program and ever feel like a "normal" person? Is it all worth it?

I know, I know I need to take it One Day at a Time. It just seems so hard to do it sometimes...

Krisana H 08-14-2007 10:52 PM

What great reminders you all provide for me. We are all together struggling through this life. There are times that I wonder if I could eat like a normal person. I have found physical recovery and think that I could continue to follow my food plan but stop with the other stuff; but you all remind me that I need to do the work. Today I was in fear about a situation. I was nervous about what I was going to come home to experience. I called a fellow OA because I knew that I couldn't deal with it alone, said a quick prayer (because I got voicemail). My HP then provided a solution. He has a better plan than I do.
Krisana

Ann,
sounds like those thoughts are best conquered by using the tools. Good job on putting it out there and getting some support. We are all there with you doing this abstinences thing moment to moment. That is all we have is right now and it is a gift from God.

Hi Marney-
Glad to have this forum to connect with you.
Krisana

charlenej 08-14-2007 11:00 PM

Ann-at one point in the beginning of my program I remember writing to my sponsor, "If I'm doing everything I'm supposed to then why do I feel like such crap?!!"

Here's a quote from OA book Voices of Recovery p.57
"Each day that we live well, we are well...one day at a time."
"Today I can plan my recovery and follow that plan to the best of my ability. I do the things that help me live well: being abstinent, exercising, meditating, writing, and maintaining social contact. I concentrate on what I can do, not on what I cannot do. With God's help, I can live the message of the OA program, one day at a time."

You can do it just for this minute, which turns into this hour, which turns into this day:)

marny 08-15-2007 01:07 AM

Ann-

We've all asked those same questions-- you are so not alone.

I just deal with today. I have no idea what tomorrow will bring. I can't do anything about yesterday. What I can do is turn my will, my food, and my abstinence over to the care of God for today. I've done that each day, one day at a time, and I'm amazed that it's been nearly a year and a half.

Nope, I won't ever be normal. But, the sooner I surrendered to that, the sooner I could focus my energy on living in recovery instead of grieving over something that I never had in the first place.

People used to piss me off in meetings when they would say that they were grateful compulsive overeaters. I thought they were being smug, acting superior, and lying. Now I know the truth. If I wasn't a compulsive overeater, I wouldn't have program to live my life by. I wouldn't be open to growth, honesty, love, forgiveness, or serenity. Instead, I would still be angry, jealous, lonely, and hurt.

Have you read the promises lately? They rock, and they are true.

searsha 08-15-2007 03:54 AM

Hi Ann
 
Hey Ann,

So glad you’re putting all that ‘change’ stuff out there. You’re helping me every time you do. Today, I’m glad I know the challenge letting go the food represents for me. No diet ever gave me this awareness.

I think the only chance I have to heal from all the stuff behind the COE is to first of all become AWARE. Today, because I know how I overeat on stress, for example, I’m making very different decisions in my life. I’m grateful that I can ‘show up’, be reliable and responsible. But I don’t take too much on these day. Well, not like I used to.

Yesterday, I went to my College Course Director, and had a very honest chat about my upcoming year. I had taken on an extra module in my English Lit arena, and I love it, and it means a lot to me, but I finally had to admit to myself that something else would have to take a backseat. And so I made a choice to ‘cut in half’ another module I’m not so hot on. It means I’ll be an extra 6 months in College, but that’s fine, once I let the obsession go to finish fast.

The University is always very flexible, it’s me who sets me up for perfection. And Ann – I have to eat when I do that. So it feels good to be willing to change. And I’m hoping that this will make me feel less ‘crap’ and stressed. And remain abstinent.

Ditto with family commitments. This coming Sunday, I’m taking a few days by the coast with my extended family – my brother is home from NY with his wife and gorgeous baby daughter, and I love that we’ll hang out.
But a few days is all I can handle! I love my family, but there’s a lot of chaos and food and drink and whatever-you’re-having-yourself!!! And not a splinter of recovery between them, God bless them all – and a few of them could do with a 12 step programme!!
But I have one. As has my lovely eldest daughter. So we will look out for each other.
Before, I would have been knee-deep in the whole thing for an entire week – and gained at least 10lbs in the process.
Instead, I’ll be posting on here before I go to ask you all for your help. I’ll be planning my food. I feel nervous already but so much more true to myself.
Have a good day.

searsha 08-15-2007 04:02 AM

hi Bumps, Krisana, Charlene, KGB & Marny
 
Hey Bumps and Krisana and Marny and KGB and Charlene;

Just wanted to say it’s been great reading all your recent posts. And yes, these boards are hopping, and long may that continue.

Have a good abstinent day everyone.

iriswhispers 08-15-2007 02:44 PM

last night i went to my first ever OA meeting... i'm so glad i found it. it is an unbelievably huge relief for me to know that there are other people struggling with the same things i am.


Quote:

Originally Posted by kgb (Post 1814998)

1. Loosing weight will not solve Compulsive Over Eating, we will always be COE even when we are thin ie, the Alcoholic is still an alcoholic after periods of sobriety. Just because we may be thinner the disease does not go away.
2. No person likes to admit they are bodily or mentally different to other people
3. Countless vain attempts to prove we can diet/eat like other people, got us no where (we used every form of self deception and experimentation trying to prove exceptions to the rule (ie that we are not COE).
4. We like the idea that someday we could eat/control and enjoy food like other people this is obsession of the COE (We pursue this to the gates of insanity).
5. All of us at times have felt like we were regaining control (periods of brief recovery) such intervals usually brief were inevitable followed by less control, which lead to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralisation
6. We can not stop COE with knowledge alone.

KGB, your revelations are SO true... and a bit disconcerting for me. Much as i realize their truth and acknowledge it as such, i still fight to believe (as you said... pursuing to the gates of insanity) that i am stronger and healthier than i really am. that somehow i can control myself and regain "normal" eating patterns. thanks for sharing.

Iris

Ann72 08-16-2007 09:02 AM

Hi again, ladies. Thank you so much for all the support. It means to much to have you all here.

Today, my energy level is low, I'm grumpy and PMSing and I'm just feeling negative. I felt this way yesterday as well. That little voice was telling me not to bother, that I don't need OA, that I'm wasting my time, and that my issues with food are just so deep and I'll never work through them.

I'm trying not to listen to that little voice, but it's strong right now. I haven't broken my abstinence, but I am finding that I'm starting to eat my "on plan" food in much the same way as a binge. You know what I mean, eating fast, not enjoying them, eating with the hope that the food will make me feel better rather than for nourishment. Maybe this means that I am breaking abstinence since I'm eating in a compulsive manner even though I'm eating the foods I planned to eat and no sugar/white flour. Not sure about that one.

Last night after dinner, I found myself rummaging through the cupboards again. I was looking for some food that would satisfy me emotionally. Thank God my husband got home a bit early, so I closed the cupboards, passed him the baby and went to a meeting. I think it helped a bit and it certainly took my mind off food.

Anyway, I'm hoping this funk lifts soon. I want to feel good about this again. I hope to be back to provide you all with some support. I'm sorry I just don't have the energy for that right now, I hate that I'm making this all about me.

sidhe 08-16-2007 09:32 AM

Your "little voice" is your disease! Give him a name and tell him to shut up. ;) I say "him" because my disease's name is Mortimer. When I hear his voice telling me these sorts of things--this'll never work; this is too much effort; this is too hokey; this isn't worth it--I just blurt out (sometimes in my head, but sometimes out loud!) "SHUT UP, MORTIMER!" Mouth off to it! Tell it to shut up, tell it it's not helping, tell it that it's contribution is NOT required, tell it that there's no contributing from the peanut gallery. Have fun mouthing off! ;)

It sounds like you did a good job of taking care of yourself last night, and I commend that. Hang on to your abstinence however you have to. Go to any length. It's easier to STAY abstinent than it is to GET abstinent. And all those other sayings that actually do mean something. ;)

OK Lizzy 08-16-2007 10:26 AM

I need some advice -- in a bad way! I've struggled with this demon for ALL my adult life (I'm 58 now), and have yet to get it under control. Unfortunately, there are no OA meetings within 50 miles (or more) of my little OK town. How do I get started? Right now, if I could "just" make it a few days without binging, I would honestly feel my life is worth living. I wake up every day in that fog and cloud you've all experienced. Struggle through my day, promising I'm "going to do better". Then fail over and over again.
What do I do -- on my own?? There are not any counselors around here that specialize in eating disorders (not that I could afford them anyway).
Thanks, guys -- just typing these words gives me a glimmer of hope.

iriswhispers 08-16-2007 11:13 AM

lizzy, i don't know how you feel about this, but there are online meetings or ways you can arrange for a sponsor online or over the phone. while i prefer face-to-face interaction, i think it'd be better than nothing. and of course there's always people on there to talk to! i hope that you can find some support and get through a few days - and longer - without binging. (and you CAN do it - i have faith in you!)

sidhe, i love the idea of naming the voice and mouthing off to it... i need to think of a good name. =)

i binged early in the day yesterday and was supposed to go out with some friends last night... as usual i almost called to back out because i felt crappy from binging, but before i could one of my friends called ME and offered me a ride. so i went.... i need to socialize more. it makes me feel happier and i'm SO much less likely to binge when i'm with people, i just really withdraw because of my eating.

marny 08-16-2007 11:29 AM

Ann-
Make a note that says "It's not in here" and put it in your cupboards and refrigerator. So, the next time you are looking for something to push down the feelings, you will be reminded that what you are looking for-- It's not in here.

marny 08-16-2007 11:30 AM

Lizzy-
Have you read through past posts on here? Lots of people have asked the same question, and there are some great answers posted.

OK Lizzy 08-16-2007 03:00 PM

No, Marny, actually I haven't spent as much time as I should have in reading past posts -- I sort of get "lost" trying to find the right link. And if I try to go back to something later on that day -- or even worse, the NEXT day -- it seems to have escaped into cyberspace! Ha! Obviously, I need my grandkids to help with the computer functions!

But I promise to spend some time this weekend (at home, where I'm not on the clock) researching this. Thanks for the suggestion.

kgb 08-20-2007 07:57 PM

Hi ladies

My internet at home is stuffed so I haven't been able to get online.

Yesterday I had my performance review at work and didn't like what my new manager had to say "it wasn't too bad" but it wasn't fantastic, well done keep going. In my head I was the worst person in the world, I wasn't a good mother, a good wife, I was stupid I make mistakes. I had a cry on the way home from work and through my self a little pity party. I stayed at the party the entire evening. I just wanted to feel sorry for my self.

When I got home my husband arrived with a huge loaf of bread, my favourite type. I hadn't planned to have bread with my dinner but decided that it was ok I was having a rough day, I had planned to have potato and that was a carb so it was ok to swop. That was a mistake because anything I do to muck around with my food could easily end up in a binge I was playing with fire.

This morning I woke up feeling that God didn’t let me stay in that pity place he said to me. “I have a plan for you a better plan than you can imagine”. So I have to believe him.

marny 08-21-2007 01:52 AM

kgb-

You are so right! God has amazing plans for you.

I was completely dumbfounded when I realized that not only does he have an amazing plan for me, but that my compulsive eating was getting in the way of it. That helped me to believe that He cares about my compulsive eating.


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