[flares]

I am so upset with people. I feel let down by society in general and non fat persons and especialy men.

Every guy i have been out with or whatever has always reverted back to the fact that i am big. I have had comments such as (and i'm sure we've all heard this one time and time again) 'your'e such a pretty girl, if only youd'e lose a bit of weight.....' and 'i really fancy you but make sure you don't put anymore weight on' and 'i just don't find women your size attractive'.

Then we have the question which i am compelled to ask 'if i was slim would you fancy me more?' (in this situation i am hoping for the answer to be....'of course not, i would feel exactly the same as i do now whatever size you were, it makes no difference') but instead comes 'i think i would be more attracted to you, yeah'.

I don't know if its just my bad luck but does every big girl have this problem? Why do men go out with us if we aren't what they want, only to hurt us by insensitive comments?

My boyfriend whom i thought was different and not shallow basicaly told me that he would be up for sex if i was slim (currently it seems to be non existent), i was so shocked and appaled by this that it upset me greatly and i feel even more self conscious than before. Although i was never self conscious around him i now feel 100% paranoid and feel i can't relax. I never had any problems being naked around him, now i feel that i don't even want to be touched.

Why does it always come down to size? I have had the piss ripped out of me and been treated badly in the past for being larger. Even as a size 14-16 I was laughed at, it seems I have to be a twig in order to fit in. I'm not ugly and stupid, i'm just a little large, that doesn't mean i have no feelings.

I am trying to lose weight and finding it to be a struggle, I have been trying for many years and have put on alot of weight in the process, i feel thouroghly depressed and dissapointed and have lost a bit of respect for my partner.

Has anyone else been through this? if so how did you handle it?

[Berta]

HI Flares....

I know exactly what youre talking about. I am 26, out of college for 4 years. I couldnt handle going to the bars because I wasnt slim like my friends, roommates, etc. Then one night, I met a man on the internet and we talked for months. Finally we decided to meet, and I know he was just disgusted. Scary but true, I thought it was my fault. SO as I got bigger and bigger I swore that the thinner I was, I would get a man and be happy.

I dated in college, but always got dumped quick- never a good reason.....other than my roommates were more attractive.

After college I went on Weight Watchers.... lost 36 pounds- went from 220 to 184 pounds. I was a GAP size 16, I felt great. Met a man who I went on to marry.... we moved to a country town and I gained 59 pounds. We got married almost 2 years later.... I was (and still am) 243 pounds. I recently joined WW again last week. I am psyched to start the plan. My husband (who is thin and has no weight problem) is 100% supportive, and when I cry about how I look naked, or can't perform in bed because I am thinking about what I look like.... he just holds me. Tight.

Flares, what I am rambling on about is this: Your boyfriend doesnt respect you. Being fat is not easy. We are addicted to food, like a drugie is addicted to drugs. We have no choice but to hang with people who are supportive of our weaknesses.

Please e mail me if you need to talk.... I dont get to the site too often.....

Hang in there!

Roberta

[email protected]

ps- my goal for WW is 150 pounds.... 93 to go!