Hi guys. I just started on this site a few days ago and everyone has been great thus far. But these past 3 days have been hard for me, I am a binger. I hate to say it or even admit this as it is. I have been letting loose with all my pms cravings and even had a "food hangover" the next morning. I am so disgusted with myself b/c I know better. I am so afraid that my daughter is going to turn out like her mommy and have this love/hate relationship with food.
I just feel like I am losing control and I dont know what to do. Does anyone else feel the same way? Or am I the only person who has no sense of control? During the day I am fine, but I swear as soon as darkness falls, I become a different person. I dont want to be fat anymore. I want to like my body and not feel so ashamed of myself.
Same here. As soon as everyone goes to bed, I will hit the cupboards and literally empty them, whether I want/like the food or not. As you stated, the next day you feel worrible -- physically and emotionally and that also makes it hard to get back on track. I worry about my 7 year old son, who seems to follow in my foot steps -- if I don't watch him, he will eat until he gets sick. So, I'm doing this for me but more importantly to help my kids develop normal eating habits. Even though we hide what we eat, they have to notice when there is nothing left of the snacks available the night before. There are tons of threads on this site with tips on avoiding this. I've been working on this since 1/01/07 and it does get better. I think it's taken me two weeks to get the cravings out of my system. I still have bad days but, unlike before, I am able to recover from them.
Hi there-
You are not alone in these feelings. Have you been to an OA meeting? If you haven't, you will find a whole group of people who can relate and understand you. Best of all, they'll accept and love you just as you are.
I want to thank both of shelby897 and Marny. I have never gone to an OA meeting. To be honest, I am so ashamed that I don't even know if I can get the courage to go. I guess it's just b/c I've never known anyone who had these problems-its kinda like a skeleton in my closet. It does make me feel better to know that I am not alone, that I am not some sort of freak. My fiance gives me a hard time about my weight and everything that I eat, so it makes me binge later at nite even more. I know that I am filling a psychological need physically, and I don't know how to stop.
I am going to take the first step and see if there are any meetings in my area at least. That way, if I get the balls to go, I'll have an idea of where. Thanks again guys.
It takes courage to go to a meeting. But, remember it took that same courage for all the other people there to go too. There is usually a contact name and number for each meeting. You could try calling them and talking a little so that you'll at least have a familiar name and voice at the meeting.
Shame and fear are what keeps us in the food. Unless we are willing to try living in recovery, shame and fear will keep us in the disease.
I felt the same way too...going to go to my second one tonight. Funny thing was..at least to me...it was in a wellness center where all these people were working out...geez did I feel fat!!..Then I had to ask these young athletic guys.."where is the OA meeting?"..that was so humiliating to me..LOL. Oh well, I'm not gonna let that stop me. Go to some online meetings to..that will help introduce you to how it works, maybe help with some of your fears. Just "Keep Coming Back"!! It will get better.
I was also terrified at my first meeting. I didn't even breathe as I got out of my car and walked inside. My head was spinning through the meeting with all the new terms and format. But, what I did hear and remember and want more of, was the honesty when people shared. I had never heard people speak so frankly about anything let alone food addiction. That's what got me to go back.
Probably a day or two late regarding this thread -- but I've been sick
I have to respond regarding your fiance's reaction to your food problems. I have a husband who is the same way -- I also used to binge at night, after he went to bed, or while he is at work during the day, usually after he would make a rude comment about my weight, eating, asking why certain foods were all gone, etc. PLEASE do not let what he says affect you in that way -- sit down and talk to him regarding this. Let him know it is in no way helpful to be "policed" by someone else. My husband stated recently that 80% of our marital problems are my weight -- so what frame of mind should that put me in? I've realized that I am responsible for my weight loss, what I consume and why I consume it. Binging because someone makes me feel bad, guilty, etc. about my weight is not helping me!! You need to work on this for yourself. Learn to eat when you are hungry, try to avoid your triggers and I have established a rule that I cannot eat anything after 9:00 p.m., which is after everyone else is in bed because I just cannot control myself.
I had never even heard of OA before reading this thread! I never knew that there were others so fed up with teir "love-hate" relationship with food. Im gonna go tonight and research a meeting in my area. I love this weight loss community! I have finally found true, un-biased support from others who really get it!!!
Probably a day or two late regarding this thread -- but I've been sick
I have to respond regarding your fiance's reaction to your food problems. I have a husband who is the same way -- I also used to binge at night, after he went to bed, or while he is at work during the day, usually after he would make a rude comment about my weight, eating, asking why certain foods were all gone, etc. PLEASE do not let what he says affect you in that way -- sit down and talk to him regarding this. Let him know it is in no way helpful to be "policed" by someone else. My husband stated recently that 80% of our marital problems are my weight -- so what frame of mind should that put me in? I've realized that I am responsible for my weight loss, what I consume and why I consume it. Binging because someone makes me feel bad, guilty, etc. about my weight is not helping me!! You need to work on this for yourself. Learn to eat when you are hungry, try to avoid your triggers and I have established a rule that I cannot eat anything after 9:00 p.m., which is after everyone else is in bed because I just cannot control myself.
Best of luck to you.
I was going to suggest just going to bed with your husband so you wont over eat, but it seems kind of pointless if he is that much of a jerk. ( sorry to insult) but I just hate it when men are as******, I guess I just dont get it..
Disgusted Binger
