i turned down a boy who wanted a relationship with me because i knew it wasnt what i was looking for.
thats the first time i have ever given myself enough respect to pass by on someone wanting to love me because i knew it would be bad for me. i always always always would have said yes. regardless of wether or not it was something i wanted because i always had this deep feeling that because i was fat i should take what i can get because there is no promise that anyone else will ever come along and want me.
-- and last night, i said no thank you. and i feel good about it. no regrets. no fear that no one else will want to make a leap with me like that. i made a choice that will be best for me, out of respect for me. -- and respect for myself isnt something i ever remember having.
-- i have a new sense of happiness. and for once - its a happiness and a pride that i generated myself. not that im hoping someone else will come along and provide for me.
going through this process of weight loss and realizing i am more than my body and i have the ability to change my own path has taught me a lot. and one of the things i have learned is self worth. it isnt something i was expectin g quite yet.
