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Chardonnay 01-15-2014 04:28 PM

Shedding weight and lots of baggage
Hi everyone,

I'm sharing my achievements here, I think it's a great way to feel pride in what I've done so that I'm motivated to keep going. I had a very troubled family life and suffer/suffered a slew of mental health issues throughout my life. In 2002 I finally admitted lots of symptoms to a doctor who put me on 4 different meds for depression, anxiety and borderline personality disorder. The meds basically turned me into a zombie, and for the first 2 years, I gained just under 100 pounds. I lived like that for 7 years, I'd gained the weight so quickly that I had to walk with a cane because my ankles kept buckling. I'd basically given up, I vowed to be alone for the rest of my life because I was convinced I couldn't survive without my meds. And if I was still on the meds, I'd never get healthy. (ps, this is just my story, I'm not knocking meds, I believe they do help people :))

I don't remember what happened, but one day I woke up and decided this wasn't a life. I had 2 choices, live like an obese zombie, isolated, apathetic and shortening my life with disease...or get healthy again without the meds and deal with the disorders in another way - and hopefully allow some people in my life.

It was a scary decision, comfortable rut syndrome set in... but I decided I wanted to live a healthy life. My doctor was against it, so I did my own research and weened off the meds over a period of 6 months. During this time I did research on nutrition and exercise. I also discovered the meds left me with many gastro and metabolic problems too. So many hurdles!

I started by walking half a block each day - which totally winded me each time. When I'd lost about 20 pounds, I could walk easier, and I joined a gym. I kept track of each calorie I ate, as well as each calorie I burned off, I made a spreadsheet to estimate my weight loss, and it was usually under my calculations (due to the metabolism problem). It was a motivation killer for sure.

When I added yoga each morning, and weight training 3x a week, my calculations were always correct and I lost very steadily!

During this time, I let go of my family and made a legal name change, moved to another province in Canada and basically started over. I did all this alone and it was very painful. Even losing a dysfunctional family feels like a huge loss, but all of this was the best combined decision I'd ever made and I have zero regrets. I gained happiness and self-esteem. 77 pounds lost, I started about 2 years ago.

So now I'm in a happy relationship, the depression and anxiety are controlled through exercise, vitamins, healthy eating and supplements, the borderline rears her ugly head now and then...but I know how to handle it. I have 15 pounds to go, but I know I'll get there by the spring before fishing season!! :)

I just wanted to say that even if you're alone doing this, with no support from anyone but you, and living with disorders and illness, it is still something you can do and be proud of it! :)

Thanks for listening :)

coolacrity 01-15-2014 05:25 PM

That is an amazing story! You have so much to be proud of. I'm so glad you're happier.

Chardonnay 01-15-2014 08:48 PM

Thank you :)

dragonstar85 01-15-2014 09:39 PM

Wow, your inner strength is amazing. I'm happy to see life is so much better for you now. :D

diamondgeog 01-16-2014 07:08 PM

Yeah! I was on a med once. One day I said basically I'd rather die than stay on this med. And yes that was my story others may benefit.

You've shown amazing strength. The one huge silver lining in all this is there is a special kind of happiness and contement that only be achieved by overcoming things like this. Same with 'just' weight loss. Healthy feels so amazing.


Chardonnay 01-16-2014 07:33 PM

Thank you for your kind comments! :)

jayavery 01-17-2014 02:33 PM

Wow! It's an understatement to say you have come so far. You have come multiple lifetimes far! You completely, single-handedly changed your life, personality, outlook, future you name it! Your story is inspiring to say the least. Congratulations and best of luck to you moving forward :)

Mrs Snark 01-17-2014 04:34 PM

You've overcome so much, I'm so glad you've found health and happiness! Everyone deserve to have both!

Chardonnay 01-17-2014 08:22 PM

You all are so sweet, makes me feel all warm inside :)

Dakini 01-17-2014 08:54 PM

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm happy for you that you achieved your physical *and* emotional/mental goals. Good for you!! Keep up the great work, hun! :)

Chardonnay 01-17-2014 08:58 PM

Thanks Dakini :)

OhThePlaces 01-18-2014 08:55 AM

It's amazing how much you've accomplished dispite so many hurdles. Congrats on your success!!

Chardonnay 01-18-2014 05:22 PM

Thank you :)
I think my BIGGEST hurdle was my mind...inner-psychological warfare almost....I really believe that the worst battle is always psychological, once we conquer that, we're unstoppable. I'm so happy I chose life over a slow death....I met my bf last March and we've been velcroed ever since, he was the first bf in almost 20 years, I missed out on so much...it's hard not to regret, but I have to move forward and be thankful that I finally made the right decision for myself.

KYgirlinSC 01-20-2014 07:31 PM

Thank you for your story. It's very inspiring to me as I am still holding onto some anger issues with a previous job that I need to let go. CONGRATS on your journey! That is awesome!

Chardonnay 01-20-2014 08:01 PM


Originally Posted by KYgirlinSC (Post 4924341)
Thank you for your story. It's very inspiring to me as I am still holding onto some anger issues with a previous job that I need to let go. CONGRATS on your journey! That is awesome!

Thanks :) Anger is a terrible thing...I know! I held on to so much anger from childhood, then adulthood towards the ex-fam, then towards bosses, then towards ME!!! It eats you up inside and makes the world a negative place where motivation and discipline doesn't necessarily exist, at least that was my experience! Not that I'm a peaceful loving hippy now ;), but I know how to deal with my anger rather than let the stress eat away at my body!!

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