Well, oddly enough, I've had a "Emotion Victory" this morning.
This is going to be a long post as I wanted somewhere to reveal this change. I didn't want to keep this one to myself
.
This past month and some odd weeks around it has been hard on my lifestyle change due to my giving in to eatting high calorie, low nutrition foods and candy just 'cause I could and "wanted" it.
The overall apathy was leading to a bit of back tracking and the old habits that got me to 260 pounds, and also the return of negative emotions I thought I had settled. This was and is a big problem for me.
I don't know what exactly switched it around, probably a combo of things.
First, getting work clothes and a new jacket that fit but was still tight helped quite a bit to get rid of the unhappy feeling that my two/three sizes too big clothing had been giving me lately. I posted about the baggy monster on the 20s something section and had a few people agree with the annoying problem of ill-fitting clothes. At my high weight I wore baggy clothes because they were comfortable. They also let me keep gaining weight without having to buy clothes that often, it let me avoid that too tight feeling that gaining more weight would have given me quicker if I had worn what I should have at that size every time I picked up new pants/t-shirts. I think that wearing too loose pants and shirts now as I was working on losing weight was bringing that back into my mind, returning the "eat whatever, whenever" habit that led to my obesity.
So new size 14 jeans and size XL tailored polo shirts, then ditching the size 16/18 jeans and 2X work shirts to a donation drop off over the weekend, and actually getting measured for two bras (I have worn only sport bras for YEARS) and then wearing them, led to some extra glances in a full length mirror and the neutral feelings began to get a more positive "hm" twist to them last week. Getting my weightloss acknowledged by distant coworkers who hadn't seen me since I was at my highest was awkward but a good feeling during training that week.
So, my thoughts switched to my hair over the weekend, and I mentioned wanting a unusual hair cut when I hit goal weight on the 20s something monthly WW thread. Positive responses to the images and further thought sent me to get an inbetween hair cut last night. I had the lady get rid of my old layers. To do this, I had her chopping off a good three to five inches of my hair, it was also a good change, the hair style switch from long (probably stringly/sloppy looking) layers to a clean, straight and plain, medium cut, very odd after having my hair layered for years, but refreshing. I told her that it will be a couple months before I come back for the real cut, and she sounded interested it doing it for me (of course,
). It's a step toward where I want to be, and that somewhat positive "hm" emotion was morphing into real smiles and silly grins.
Instead of the "maybe", "someday", "might", that I started this journey with, I now have more "when", "will", and "want" on that list. I am starting to get a better picture of me continuing and maintaining this lifestyle change. The added energy and physical changes that I've noticed since losing nearly 60 pounds is helping.
More and more, I see this healthy and grining me in my mind when I think of the future. Instead of "that won't look right", "what would ___ think?", or "I can't do that!" when I think of things I want to wear/do/see, I am getting, "why the heck not?", "What's stopping me really?"
, "I gotta do this!"
I took a headshot photo of myself at work this morning. One quick camera phone shot. And the urge to take a few and get the best image didn't come. I am happier with my body and my mental self than I can remember being for quite some time, years really. I am back On Plan, since yesterday. I am back and getting back on track with this lifestyle change, and it is ABOUT TIME!
Life waits for no one, so I better get off my butt and do this, I'm going to live as I want to, I think I am more than ready.