| Claudine |
07-19-2009 02:18 PM |
The Universe Works in Misterious Ways
I've never introduced myself here but I've been here for awhile, I quite enjoy this group of people, it's like there's a revolution going on here!
Anyway, today is a very strange day. I've just read finally the last of harry potter's books... I've been avoiding it for a long time, the plan was to keep the book for years and read it just when I felt I wouldn't be here in this world for much longer time... just because I couldnt bare the idea of it ending, that magical world where i've lived for so long... But an impulse yesterday (i've read it non stop, without sleeping) told me I was entering a new cycle and i needed closure in many aspects of my life... so i've opened the book to phase number one, say goodbye to the imaginary world where that was my refuge for ten years (11 to 21 years), through these years I feel just like I lived enough for a lifetime... I'm one of those girls which had a difficult childhood, with a lot of violence at home... with no friends, being enclosed for many years, forced to work, seeing someone i loved so badly die and never being accepted in school or other groups... So I guess how strongly I hold on to that world, wishing it was real... I was really overweighted for the same 10 years, maybe some more... with binge eating. Always tried to lose weight, lost it, gained it because of another depression... Been through it all, the not eating, the spending a LOT of money trusting people and products, the mad exercise, the strange diets, the good diets, all the learning and stopping to be stupid and making things the right way, the failures... the new beginnings, the lost of control... oh well... you know... but today... i closed the book, and then slept for a awhile and then I woke up, cried really bad over the ending of it... and then I went to see my weight... holly crap... that number... was it real? could it be? weighted again... and again... it was real, so real... so many years... today it was not only the closure of harry potter world, today it was the closure of my life as overweighted because today I can say, I have a normal BMI :) It was really unexpected and highly coincidental... Maybe some of the magic escaped that wonderful world and gave me a goodbye gift... getting perspective... My life now is very peaceful, I live in an wonderful home, I have an amazing boyfriend and so many friends! I love my life.. I still want to lose weight, but now as Harry said in the end, after all that painful journey he had and then getting a "perfect life"... «All is well» :)
|
