I binged.
 

I have been stressing over some pretty rough stuff both at work and with my family for over a week. I completely gave up tonight and binged. Once I started, it was all downhill. Pizza, apple pie, some full fat chai tea, and a bowl of cereal.

Now I am sitting here feeling ashamed of myself and even more upset that I have ruined what I have worked so hard for with my weight loss for the past 38 days.

:cry:

You will always have bad days. It is what you do tomorrow that counts. I had a rough day and ate spoonfuls of peanut butter and strawberry jam. THe next day I started over again. Keep your chin up :)

"You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there. Get back up and finish what you started."
(((hugs)))

And you can't wipe out all the good you have accomplished over one bad evening -- it's impossible! -- so clear your head and make today different.

i have been feeling this way too. i'm glad to see your post and the blunt honesty. i have been feeling like i failed because i have gotten off track and didn't get back on plan as soon as i should have but hearing the other comments makes me feel better. if i fall get back up. thanks

hteep, I'm just proud of you being here. There have been times I've wanted to come to the group and admit those kinds of things... but felt too embarrassed. What I appreciate is that you just put it out there. Clearly you want to be making good choices and we all buckle at one time or another.

Just keep it in perspective - the big picture. That was one day out of 39 total. That means you've been on plan 97% of the last 39 days. That's still an A! ...be sure to focus on the big picture of your successes.

<hugs>

Thanks ladies. I spent the morning continuing on my binge and feeling sorry for my situation and for myself in general. I went online and researched Overeaters Anonymous and really thought about it but I don't think I have gone that far. My entire life literally has been turned upside down and inside out for the past 8 months and this has been a really tough few days. I dealt with it like I have in the past and one thing I need to learn is to cut myself just a little slack every now and then.

I took a nap this afternoon and when I woke up I cleaned out my entire kitchen. I got rid of all the junk that has been cluttering up my "work space" and making things difficult. I went grocery shopping and bought my normal healthy foods.

On the way out of the store, I ate an entire Nestle Crunch bar. However, all day long I have been drinking my water and my HNS. Something from my new lifestyle is sticking even through my best efforts to self-sabotage. I am working my hardest to be back on track as of this very moment.

Thank you all for listening and being here. It really helps.

I almost wish my problem is that I would binge and then be able to start a new day the next day. But lately, it's more like I'm self-sabotaging in a much more subtle way. I've been grabbing chips or crackers here and there, chocolate here and there, and now marshmallows (we had to stop giving our dog his pills hidden in cheese because of a food allergy, so the vet recommended marshmallows) here and there. I just can't seem to make myself stop grabbing "just a bite" of things... all through the day! Grr.

I'm planning to weigh in today, and then I'm going to try to "recommit" starting tonight when I get home, eating 100% on plan. Up until now, I"ve been able to cheat here and there and still have good losses, but I think it's only going to be a bad habit that makes it harder now that I'm getting closer to goal. :(

Originally Posted by teacherlady79:
I almost wish my problem is that I would binge and then be able to start a new day the next day. But lately, it's more like I'm self-sabotaging in a much more subtle way. I've been grabbing chips or crackers here and there, chocolate here and there, and now marshmallows (we had to stop giving our dog his pills hidden in cheese because of a food allergy, so the vet recommended marshmallows) here and there. I just can't seem to make myself stop grabbing "just a bite" of things... all through the day! Grr.

I'm planning to weigh in today, and then I'm going to try to "recommit" starting tonight when I get home, eating 100% on plan. Up until now, I"ve been able to cheat here and there and still have good losses, but I think it's only going to be a bad habit that makes it harder now that I'm getting closer to goal. :(

Hi Teacherlady, yes, I think you are 100 percent correct. As you begin taking those bites here and then there, it becomes easier and easier and more often and more often, as if you work to see how far you can push it and maybe, just maybe, still lose. I believe that has happened to me until I was right back to my old ways. So stop it now while you are still in a downward trend. It can come back on very very quickly (but certainly not over just a night or two). I am working hard to turn my run-away train back around before I completely undo all the good I did. Wishing you all the best!

There is always today to get back on track but no room for guilty feelings. So you had a few bad eatings days, you cannot change that, so be it but today is a new day, it is not even finish you can do good for the rest of the day. We cannot be perfect all the time but if you are most of the time you will be fine. Find a food that is healthy and low in calories that you love and eat that when stressed if you cannot control it, for me it is fresh pineapple, each time I eat a piece I fin it so tasty that only one piece is enough.

Ok, so I have been MIA for a week on a week long binge, it is so scary, just when you think you are in control the evil twin shows up. But I have talked to two of the girls at my center and I finally feel ready to re-commit, either that or I need to be committed (lol). Today has been good so far and all i can do is take one day at a time. I really appreciate what Debi said about falling in and not drowing (are you sure you are not a shrink?, if not you should be, or at least a motivational speaker). At any rate I am drying off with the towel not throwing it in, I refuse to give in to my evil twin!!!!!:tantrum:

Hang in there everyone!

I joined MRC a couple weeks ago and come here to find inspiration in you all. I think it helps me to see that I am not alone in my struggle to stay on plan. I see you all making wonderful progress and just hope that I can make the same progress. When I make dinner for my family and they are eating mac and cheese and mashed potatoes and pasta and french fries (sorry, got sidetracked) I just have to remember that I am not depriving myself, just making healthier choices (one of the consultants at my center told me that, and it sounded so good that I tell myself this at every meal) and eat my salad and other veggies.

For most days, I make sure and save my nutrabar for my evening snack (I am on meta-balance), which quenches my sweet craving. I am trying to find other tricks to help me out. I am also trying to find ways to make this not just a diet, but a lifestyle change. I think my worst fear is doing all of this and then going right back to McDonalds when I hit goal.

I haven't jumped the pool yet, but I am constantly circling the side!

I made myself go to MRC today and I am glad that I did. I spent a good 15-20 minutes talking to one of the ladies. It was so helpful. We talked about what was causing my behavior and how to stop my binging and whether the meal I had was worth the feelings I am having. We started to get to the root of my issue.

What I think hit home more than any other "program" I have been on was to sit one-on-one with someone and get some direction. She said some of the things that you all said, but she also told me over and over that I am human and that even the people at MRC understand that sometimes you just don't want green beans! That it doesn't make me a failure.

Not once did they offer me a supplement or to buy anything. I was up 2 lbs and we made a resolution that it will be gone when I come back on Monday. I feel much better.

hteep123-- That is great news! It is encouraging to hear that you have plan to get back on track. The one-on-one no pressure to buy atmosphere really helps me feel that I am using the right program to address my weight issue.

The classes are a source of encouragement for me. Here is something I am doing to help me stay focused. It snowing today and I am staying in, so I am creating a "can do" board, kinda like a bucket list as I am getting the weight off.

Originally Posted by teacherlady79:
I almost wish my problem is that I would binge and then be able to start a new day the next day. But lately, it's more like I'm self-sabotaging in a much more subtle way. I've been grabbing chips or crackers here and there, chocolate here and there, and now marshmallows (we had to stop giving our dog his pills hidden in cheese because of a food allergy, so the vet recommended marshmallows) here and there. I just can't seem to make myself stop grabbing "just a bite" of things... all through the day! Grr.

I'm planning to weigh in today, and then I'm going to try to "recommit" starting tonight when I get home, eating 100% on plan. Up until now, I"ve been able to cheat here and there and still have good losses, but I think it's only going to be a bad habit that makes it harder now that I'm getting closer to goal. :(

:hug: I know exactly how you feel. As I sit here typing I'm surrounded by my husbands munchies (we work together.) It's only been about a week now that I have found the answer to not reaching over for a little snack every hour or so. APPLES - they really fill you up and the fiber keeps munchies at bay. Also - eat a good protein for breakfast and lunch. Keeps you full longer than cereal or plain salad.


I found this quote on another post and LOVE IT...

"I have never, ever, not even one time regretted not eating something. Never. Not once. Turns out telling yourself no feels marvelous. No deprivation passing up on *those foods*. The deprivation is EATING them and remaining overweight. You've got to raise your standards; requiring more from yourself. Challenge yourself. Push yourself. Work past the discomfort. Every time you do it, it gets easier and easier." - Rockinrobin

It is so crazy that so many of us are experiencing this at the same time! I too have been MIA and it's because I totally wend on a bender for a couple of weeks and pretty much just gave up feeling that I was happy (or OK) with where I am now and I'll lose the rest....wait for it....later. It's been nuts.

So I talked with a fellow MRC buddy on Saturday and she was on the same crazy train heading south. We decided to go in and face the music and I am so glad that I did. I talked a long time with one of the gals (this was Saturday) and she helped me to realize that I was/am self-sabotaging. All of the growing that I had done during the classes and initial weeks on the program, had been put into a sort of hibernation mode. I needed to reawaken the empowerment that I have and the control that I have for myself - restart the fight! I went 5 days on the meta-quick plan (bar for b-fast, shake for lunch and a good dinner, 4 HNSs) and I am back on top (mostly - I slipped up last night but that was from lack of planning...and sleep).

So, I got rid of the cravings and extra hunger that I was feeling and started to feel in control again! I also went to a class on Tue. night about self-esteem and it was super helpful! Plus my insight helped some of the newbies :)

Hang in there ladies - it's never too late to turn around, and like smiles123 said...we're still GOOD! We're good students, we're just having a down time. Let's pick up our heads and move forward! I'm looking forward to weighing in Saturday morning and seeing a loss baby!!! ((HUGS))

@Imoverit -- I agree! It's so weird that we're all going through this right now. I wonder if part of it has to do with the "winter blahs," and the other part has to do with feeling as though we're already past what we perceived to be "the hard part"--i.e., the dreaded holiday feasts and treats--and we've let our guard down, so to speak. :^:

I had to remind myself today that the holidays wasn't "the hard part." ALL of this is hard--most days! I need to just suck it up and stick it out, or I'm just wasting my money.

I, too, did Meta-quick today, and plan to do it again tomorrow. I kind of felt like I needed to be extra-strict with myself for a day or two in order to get back on track and move past my grazing and cravings. I needed to go "cold turkey," lol. So far, I did great today. I'm hoping for another good day tomorrow, and then a better weigh-in on Saturday.

We can do it ladies! We just need to get to the root of our problem, and deal with that, I think--then the diet can just fall back into line.

Good luck to all of us!

same boat
 

Hey hteep, I am SO in the same boat. I cannot tell you how many times I've looked up Overeaters Anonymous and said, I should really go there. Of course I never do, because that would be admitting that my binging is an issue, and I don't know if I'll ever really hit the point where I'm willing to say that.

I've been sitting at home today sick and all day the thoughts that have been running through my mind are, "I should order a pizza; what do I want on a pizza, I should call Papa Johns, etc.". Which is a problem because I KNOW that pizza is a huge binge trigger for me. I was on the website getting ready to place my order for an obscene amount of food when I finally made myself wake up and say DON'T DO THIS. So instead I went out and got a wrap. Not entirely that much better, but I knew I would only have one and not have the option to binge.

I hear you though--once it happens it is sooooo easy to keep going. But everyone is right, one day, one binge, one slip up isn't going to ruin everything. Of course it is simple to throw our hands up and say well that's that and continue eating, but you know it isn't true. Look at all you've achieved. One binge isn't going to undo all that hard work. So what if you step on the scale and it resulted in a pound or two--that is tiny relative to the loss you've already realized and the bigger loss you're working towards. So, great job on that and know that no matter how bad you slip, you can always make it up!

I found this quote on another post and LOVE IT...

"I have never, ever, not even one time regretted not eating something. Never. Not once. Turns out telling yourself no feels marvelous. No deprivation passing up on *those foods*. The deprivation is EATING them and remaining overweight. You've got to raise your standards; requiring more from yourself. Challenge yourself. Push yourself. Work past the discomfort. Every time you do it, it gets easier and easier." - Rockinrobin[/QUOTE]

Gwen....I love the quote, I am going to print it out and carry it with me and paste it in my kitchen. Thanks so much!

Here is a link to a forum that might be of interest:

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/chicks-control-64/

Originally Posted by Sherral:
Ok, so I have been MIA for a week on a week long binge, it is so scary, just when you think you are in control the evil twin shows up. But I have talked to two of the girls at my center and I finally feel ready to re-commit, either that or I need to be committed (lol). Today has been good so far and all i can do is take one day at a time. I really appreciate what Debi said about falling in and not drowing (are you sure you are not a shrink?, if not you should be, or at least a motivational speaker). At any rate I am drying off with the towel not throwing it in, I refuse to give in to my evil twin!!!!!:tantrum:

Hang in there everyone!

You're funny, Sherral! :D
The truth is, I can *literally* feel the pain in my bones and my gut when someone else talks of weight loss struggles. I had truly hit "rock bottom" and have so much empathy for people with that feeling. I really think that I will spend the rest of my life trying to help others realize their potential - we all have the answer! It's been right there inside of us all along - sometimes it's just lying dormant.

To answer your question, I am taking on a role at my gym of peer coach and community organizer. I'm going to help them work towards building a community like our online forum here where people can encourage, love and challenge each other to be better. I'm hoping to start grad school in marriage and family therapy next fall. Guess what? Exactly one year ago, I was at the end of my rope. MRC and the support from this forum changed my life! I'm truly a story of "IF I CAN DO IT, ANYONE CAN!" and I'll shout it from the rooftops as long as I have a voice and someone is listening.

Thanks for the encouragement! :hug:

Yesterday was a good day except for some rice cakes last night. Compared to the previous days, I think that I did pretty good. I am getting back to my old habits and working through it. Let's do it together!

Originally Posted by hatethesweatpants:
You're funny, Sherral! :D
The truth is, I can *literally* feel the pain in my bones and my gut when someone else talks of weight loss struggles. I had truly hit "rock bottom" and have so much empathy for people with that feeling. I really think that I will spend the rest of my life trying to help others realize their potential - we all have the answer! It's been right there inside of us all along - sometimes it's just lying dormant.

To answer your question, I am taking on a role at my gym of peer coach and community organizer. I'm going to help them work towards building a community like our online forum here where people can encourage, love and challenge each other to be better. I'm hoping to start grad school in marriage and family therapy next fall. Guess what? Exactly one year ago, I was at the end of my rope. MRC and the support from this forum changed my life! I'm truly a story of "IF I CAN DO IT, ANYONE CAN!" and I'll shout it from the rooftops as long as I have a voice and someone is listening.

Thanks for the encouragement! :hug:

Thanks so much for being on here and encouraging me/us. You trully are an inspiration and I look forward to reading your posts. This forum has been my salvation. When I get to the point that I am going to go off plan, I come here. I start reading everyone's struggles or successes and think to my self where do I want to be. I'm so thankful I found all of you! We can all do it! Just keep working on ourselves.
I started this program to get rid of my two baby weights and the stress weight from a child with a lot of health problems. I am starting to loose the weight, but I am gaining so much more from this experience. I have a better relationship with my husband. We communicate better and he helps out more with the kids and household chores. I felt like I was drowning before the program, but now I have learned how to float. My son is doing so much better health wise and I have more time to focus on me. I am a focus in my life now.
I hope this is a journey for everyone. This isn't just about pounds. This is about your life. How do you want to live it? CARPE DIEM!

Originally Posted by struggling Nicole:
Thanks so much for being on here and encouraging me/us. You trully are an inspiration and I look forward to reading your posts. This forum has been my salvation. When I get to the point that I am going to go off plan, I come here. I start reading everyone's struggles or successes and think to my self where do I want to be. I'm so thankful I found all of you! We can all do it! Just keep working on ourselves.
I started this program to get rid of my two baby weights and the stress weight from a child with a lot of health problems. I am starting to loose the weight, but I am gaining so much more from this experience. I have a better relationship with my husband. We communicate better and he helps out more with the kids and household chores. I felt like I was drowning before the program, but now I have learned how to float. My son is doing so much better health wise and I have more time to focus on me. I am a focus in my life now.
I hope this is a journey for everyone. This isn't just about pounds. This is about your life. How do you want to live it? CARPE DIEM!

Given you a THUMBS UP!

hteep123, that's great! to hear you sharing the experience along the way is so helpful. yes, we can all relate. it's a reminder to me for the future...and to let others be a part of my journey. Thank you for letting us be a part of yours!

You know how girls get on the same "cycle"? My mom always calls it being "Queen Bee'd" We are all on the same BINGE cycle!!

Put another tally mark up there for peop0le who have gone on a crazy crazy binge day/week/month. I was actually doing really well, accepting that my body will lose weight as it wants as long as I stick to the plan, and then yesterday we had a snow day.....I was fine until about 11:00. I was hungry, cold and the peanut butter was just sitting right there :)

Today, I've got my water, HSN and lunch planned out. I need to go weigh in and talk to one of the ladies at my center, but I'm still feeling a little ashamed about that....

So anyway, we are all in the same boat :)

I love the phrase "Queen Bee'd"! It is so true! At least for me, I feel better knowing that I am not alone when I am going through something tough. It makes me feel like less of an alien and I really believe there are strength in numbers.

Women have a wonderful talent to bond in a fantastic way through our experiences. We have a great natural sense of empathy for each other. You guys keep me going and I am glad I can help some of you with my story.

@machaela - don't be ashamed. Get into your center and accept where you are in your journey. You will feel MUCH better when you do. We can all do this together!