[fitness4life]

Hi! I'm a fitchick dating a man who is 11 years older than me. When he was in his 20s, he won three championships- ameture bodybuilding. He still totally rocks in his early 50s! This guy picks up 100 lb dumbbells and does shoulder presses 5 times. He squats 530! He is incredibly strong and I tell him all the time how that is such a turn on for me.

He also has gained 30 lbs in this first year of dating each other.

I don't care nearly as much as he does and it's obvious by a few things - he constantly complains about his weight and food cravings, he no longer makes love with the lights on, nor does he want the variety of things we were once happy to share in the bedroom, and he won't share "that" with me nearly as much as we used to.

I have never mentioned his weight gain nor do I EVER restrict his food. I love him however he is and I tell him so.

So...what gives? Is it a body self image thing for him? Or worse! Could it be me that he's not that into any more? For my birthday last week, he gave me a digital picture frame already filled with pics of just him and me, so that would not make sense to me.

Any insite on this and what I can do to get my previous sex life back??

[JohnP]

My guess is that it has nothing to do with you based on the evidence presented.

Your sex life has diminished because he is feeling insecure ... thus he is feeling less sexy ... thus he is feeling less like having sex.

I'm not sure how you could solve what seems to be his problem but my suggestion would be to treat him like the stud you feel he is. Pretty sure that won't help but anything that will help his ego will help your sex life.

[fitness4life]

Originally Posted by JohnP

My guess is that it has nothing to do with you based on the evidence presented.

Your sex life has diminished because he is feeling insecure ... thus he is feeling less sexy ... thus he is feeling less like having sex.

I'm not sure how you could solve what seems to be his problem but my suggestion would be to treat him like the stud you feel he is. Pretty sure that won't help but anything that will help his ego will help your sex life.

Thanks, John. Lower self image seems to be the case. I feel like I'm in between a rock and a hard place. I want to tell him I love him no matter what, but we're both fitness trainers and work at the same gym so I want to encourage him to lose the weight (mainly because he wants it gone, too). I want him to know he's hot how he is, but I don't want it to sound like his weight is at the forefront on my mind. I want to keep initiating intimacy, but he's turned me down a lot and sometimes it hurts and sometimes I just get mad (never do I act mad) and frankly, I'm afraid to keep asking any more.

This all just seems crazy to me! I have a very healthy sex drive and I would think a man would be so happy about that! Him being 52 and me 41, though, it could be an age difference. I'm at my peak, and he's probably got a lot lower testosterone than he used to.

But the change has been over the last 6 months...I just don't know how to handle this. It's totally bumming me out.