Saying hi!
 

I haven't properly introduced myself yet, so I'll be polite and go ahead!

I'm in Europe, I'm 26. My whole life has been about food, gaining weight and losing weight. As a kid, my mom always told me I was fat (I wasn't). Still she got it in my head, which obviously resulted in body image issues. I was obsessed with food. I secretly bought all sorts of junk food, hid whole stashes in my room and ate away whenever I could. I would go through binges, then diet/fast. And basically, that's the story of my life.

I go through a time of overeating and -drinking (family history of various addictions), up to a point where I'm disgusted by myself, then hit the healthy road and be fanatic about that as well.

My mom herself has been dieting all her life. Truly dieting. She died of intestinal perforation last year. Her body had suffered through too much of her addictions to alcohol, tobacco, medication and daily laxatives. The lowest she weighed was about 90 lbs.

The highest I've ever weighed is about 170 lbs. I truly realize that a lot of the chickies on this board would be delighted to weigh 170 lbs. But with the "you're fat"-indoctrination as a kid, it made me feel SO bad (causing more eating and drinking, of course).
I don't have this with other people by the way. I know several ladies who are 170, 180, 190lbs, but I think they're beautiful! I do understand when they tell me they don't feel comfortable with their body though.

The lowest I've been is 120lbs. I'm 5'7". People told me I was too skinny, but I felt great (and wanted to go lower, actually).


I just finished a couple of months of bingeing, and the weight has slowly started to creep up again.
The last couple of days I've managed to switch back to the healthy road. The drinking is under control, and I'm eating 'normally'. I want to try to keep it this way. I'm at 130 lbs now, and I want to stay there. Not going up, not going down.

So, I hope I can stick around here at 3FC, even though I'm not here to actually lose weight. I know a lot of you can relate to my story.
And I just want to say I admire you all for sticking to your goals, even if it's with ups and downs sometimes!

Welcome! I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. My own mother has some eating disorder issues (IMO, she won't admit it) as well, and I'm always worried about what it has done, and is doing currently, to her overall health.

Check out our weekly chat thread, we definitely have out ups and downs! I've only been maintaining for ten months or so, and this forum has been such a help! :)