Help, I have an unhealthy crush ...
 

Hi there. I have been going to this hairstylist for a few months, I truly trust him with my hair. That's great, he is very kind, knows how to do hair well, but boy, he is hot! He just got married and I know he's not my 'type' but I do enjoy him doing my hair. I just feel kind of guilty, I know he's taken but I do find him attractive. Is that bad?

I have only been to him a few times but he has a business Facebook page and I've texted him a few times on it. The first time was because the cut was uneven so he fixed it, I was trying to arrange a time to come in. Then I texted him to see about any recommendations for a styling product.

I just am afraid I will ruin this stylist/client relationship if I'm not careful to lay low and not be a pain. I'm thrilled to have found him because I trust him. I just see it as stylist/client, which is good, I just don't want to sabotage things or be a pain.

Thank you for listening.

Any advice welcome.

Amy

You said yourself he is off limits. Be a good client and friend, interested in him and his life and social, yes, but not beyond that. You already know what the right thing to do is, and it isn't flirting and indulging your crush ;). Enjoy him bring handsome and good at your hair and keep it firmly where it belongs so nobody gets hurt.

It's like being married - it doesn't mean you can't acknowledge someone else is attractive, but it has to firmly end there and those thoughts cannot be nurtured, they have a way of sneaking out and poisoning everything, otherwise!

Enjoy it! :D But I would say no contact in between your hair cuts. That's pretty normal for most people. Anything in between is going to lead you down the wrong road.

Thank you
 

Hi,

Thank you for this advice. I don't think I'm in hot water yet. I think the advice makes sense, he is taken. I appreciate this help because the last thing I want to do is annoy him. I'm heading to his salon tomorrow so I can buy a styling product which he's going to show me. I think I might say, "I'm sorry if I texted too much, I didn't mean to annoy you. I'm happy that you do a great job on my hair!" I'll leave it at that.

Thanks!

Amy

I would definitely not contact him unless it's specifically to make an appointment. And even then, I would probably go through the salon front desk. It's just not necessary and it seems to make you feel a little bad so keep it professional.

But if you're in the chair and there is flirtatious banter between the 2 of you then just enjoy it for what it is. Flirting is not a bad thing, even if you're married. Flirting is not cheating in any way shape or form in my mind. But anything further like talking about seeing each other outside of the salon is inappropriate. Furthermore, this is exactly why I would not contact him by text or personal email - because it makes the flirtation inappropriate. You can't have both.

And don't think of him as being off limits. Think of yourself as being off limits to him. He just got married, it's pretty certain he's not looking for anything from anyone outside his marriage. And remember, it is in his best interest to have a flirtatious rapport with his clients... he wants them to come back repeatedly.

Wannabeskinny-

Thanks for your advice. That's a good point, I'm off limits to him. I've never suggested any meeting outside of the salon, and I won't. The only time that happened was when the salon manager suggested to me that he comes to my place to do my hair after my ankle surgery, I won't be able to walk up all of the steps to his salon. We're both friendly and comfortable with each other on a business level so we'll see. He said that it may be a different stylist coming over because he gets quite busy.

I feel that him and I have a good relationship as client/stylist. I'm happy that's what it is, I'm not looking for anything else.

Thank you.

Amy

I feel really dumb. I've had an obsession with my hair for so long and I really trusted this stylist but I think I have sabotaged the relationship. I messaged too often and I was going to try a new style but I decided not now. I was naive enough to message him saying I wasn't going to try the new style, I think I hurt his feelings and alienated him. I am going to find a new stylist, I think a female will be easier for me so there's no risk of developing a crush. I feel really dumb.
I've been going through a lot in my life. I just feel like a complete idiot.

Sigh.

Thanks for listening.

Amy

You're not an idiot, and in sure he doesn't think of you as an idiot. Hair is a personal thing and you don't owe anyone anything, especially changing your hair. If he makes you uncomfortable it's best to find someone you can be comfortable with. But you are not silly or idiotic. Crushes make us do dumb things but it does not make us dumb people.

Thanks for this advice. I needed to hear it. He doesn't make me uncomfortable, I actually feel that I can really trust him, I just won't text in between appointments. He's a nice guy, I want to have a good relationship with him. Sorry for venting, I had a rough morning and I wasn't feeling myself. Thanks.

Update
 

So...

I was going to him to cut and color my hair but after the last cut, where one side was clearly over an inch longer than the other, I didn't feel comfortable. He did fix the cut, but I had lost a lot of faith and trust in him, also he had colored my hair very dark, another stylist called it 'Gothic' and it was a bit. So, I had texted him to let him know I had moved on, he was very understanding. I had met with him once briefly to say I was sorry that I left and then I made an appointment with him but I canceled. Things felt much more off than they were before, things didn't feel right. So, good luck to him but I've found another stylist who I feel much happier with, onwards and upwards.