being treated differently when thin
 

I confirm this to be true...I have read different studies and viewed news shows/articles on how overweight people get less promotions and are treated differently than their slimmer counterparts. I guess I shouldn't be too amazed that a Dr. I saw back in January (when I weighed 175) treated my so differently when I saw him recently (at 117 pounds). He was rude the first time--short and neglected to explain things. I felt like I was treated like a number or a farm animal. My recent visit he obviously didn't recognize me and looked back through his notes (as most Dr.'s do anyhow). He explained things, took extra time with me, and his manner was a complete about face. Now with that said, I have also noticed that people are more respectful of me...this leads me to believe that society places too high a value on beauty and thin people. Was I not a worthy person before I lost weight? I am STILL the same person and my weight loss was never intended for vanity. It happened due to a medical condition, stress, and then a need to eat clean to counteract the condition and stress. Has anyone else encountered this?
Demi

Yep. I totally agree. People treated me very different when I was at my highest. One memory, is for example, ordering a sandwich and let's say a place like subway, they would automatically assume I wanted the footlong. I've never been able to eat a footlong sandwich!

It's totally true- the thinner you are the better you are treated- people are so different to me now and I've still got a ways to go!

I was noticing this again today at the office. Males in upper management now smile when we pass in the hallway -- and I don't even know them. And the women look me over for a second (hair, face, clothes, shoes) and then look away. I swear that before, when I was heavy, they took about as much notice of me as they did a piece of office furniture or one of those motivational posters on the walls.

Originally Posted by saef:
I was noticing this again today at the office. Males in upper management now smile when we pass in the hallway -- and I don't even know them. And the women look me over for a second (hair, face, clothes, shoes) and then look away. I swear that before, when I was heavy, they took about as much notice of me as they did a piece of office furniture or one of those motivational posters on the walls.

So so true. I now get more second looks from men too.

I also think it has to do with our self-esteem. When we were larger, we had such a negative self image that we expected others to treat us as the lowly beings we saw ourselves as.

Oh absolutely. PART of it is a difference in the way we carry ourselves. I know that when I was overweight, I wore plain frumpy clothes, slouched, didn't make eye contact, was quiet, and basically made both an intentional and unconscious effort to be invisible because my self esteem was so low. Now that I'm thinner, I wear bright attractive clothing, I smile more, I have a more confident posture, and I'm no longer trying to blend in with the wall. So of course people are going to respond differently to that.

But, it's simple fact that thinner people are treated differently by both sexes. Even if people do it without realizing it. Quite honestly, I'm sure even we have treated people differently based on attractiveness. Nobody wants to admit that they do it, we're probably not even aware when we're doing it, but I'm willing to admit that I've probably done it before.

One thing I've noticed is that I'm treated more like a "lady" now that I'm thinner. Doors opened for me, people constantly asking if I need help carrying anything or anything of that nature, I dunno...hard to explain. But it's definitely a treatment that I had never gotten before. And it happens even when I go to Walmart in my PJs, messy hair, and haven't showered, hehe.

I used to be embarrassed in grocery stores when I had "junk in my cart and stopped to talk to someone who had a cart full of healthy stuff. Now I'm the cart full of healthy stuff and I found myself checking out outrageously unhealthy carts. Am I becomming prejudiced because I've been making healthy choices for eight months or so? I do agree though that when you are thinner people seem more willing to give you the time of day as if you are more worth while. But I've also noticed that since I've gone down 3-4 sizes that I care more about my appearance which probably indicates higher self worth. When I feel better about myself people may respond more positively towards me.

Originally Posted by kittycarlson:
I used to be embarrassed in grocery stores when I had "junk in my cart and stopped to talk to someone who had a cart full of healthy stuff. Now I'm the cart full of healthy stuff and I found myself checking out outrageously unhealthy carts. Am I becomming prejudiced because I've been making healthy choices for eight months or so? I do agree though that when you are thinner people seem more willing to give you the time of day as if you are more worth while. But I've also noticed that since I've gone down 3-4 sizes that I care more about my appearance which probably indicates higher self worth. When I feel better about myself people may respond more positively towards me.

I find myself doing this also. (With respect to the grocery cart monitoring). Did anyone see "What Would You Do?" this past week where they had the "fit" person reprimand the heavy woman and her daughter for having the cart full of junk food. They were trying to see what reactions other shoppers would have. It was interesting.

Originally Posted by kittycarlson:
I used to be embarrassed in grocery stores when I had "junk in my cart and stopped to talk to someone who had a cart full of healthy stuff. Now I'm the cart full of healthy stuff and I found myself checking out outrageously unhealthy carts. Am I becomming prejudiced because I've been making healthy choices for eight months or so? I do agree though that when you are thinner people seem more willing to give you the time of day as if you are more worth while. But I've also noticed that since I've gone down 3-4 sizes that I care more about my appearance which probably indicates higher self worth. When I feel better about myself people may respond more positively towards me.

I check out carts too! LOL

I sometimes check carts too. While mine still has a few unhealthy things, I am totally unashamed for people to look at it. It's a lot better than it used to be, that's for sure. :) BTW, even with my weight people smile at me and men open doors for me. I think it's because i look polite (which I am).

I agree, even at my heaviest I was treated fairly well, but I've always had knock-out kind of confidence (or at least I can make it look that way!). But even now, after losing only about 40lbs or so, I can notice more politeness already, more looks from guys. And maybe it is just the confidence that I get from being on-plan, but it's holding true for me. haha, my problem is that I usually get down to a point where I realize the shift in everyone's nature and start to get more attention from men and it scares me! And then I usually pack it on again. Not this time! This time I could care less, because this is for ME and no one else. :-)

I notice this when I'm with my sister who is thin and beautiful. I can go in a store and the people can be so rude to me for no reason but they'll be super nice to my sister. It's crazy!

I've always HATED this...but it's true. I was invisible just 30 lbs ago..now people smile and are so nice to me...yes, both men AND women!

I guess it must be our imperfect nature as humans:( Yet another reason why we all should learn to be more forgiving of others....:)

I treat attractive people better. This isn't something I'm proud of, and weight isn't the only thing that determines attractiveness, but I've noticed that if I am at a conference, say, where I don't know anybody, I'm a lot more gratified if an attractive person starts talking to me or seeks me out than I am if an unattractive person does. I care more what attractive people think of me: a compliment from someone who is charismatic and cool (which includes more than physical attractiveness, but it is a component) will elevate my spirits more than a compliment from someone who is awkward and unattractive (and weight can be part of that).

I try really hard not to ACT differently to people based on their appearance, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't REACT differently.

Weirdly enough, I haven't noticed huge changes in how people treat me: more smiles, for sure, and more held doors, as mkendrick pointed out, but I think at least part of this is that I don't try as hard: there was a time where I would go way out of my way to be the wittiest, most clever, most wickedly funny person in the room in any situation. I felt like I had to prove I wasn't the fat lazy slob I assumed everyone saw. Now, I'm more willing to just be passive if I feel like it. I can turn off my own schtick.

Ok, here's an example.

Last year after I had only lost about 10lbs and was still heavy, I was getting stocking stuffers at World Market (best place to get funky fun doodads and goodies, in my opinion). There was a particular sales clerk named Willard. Average middle-aged kinda dude, but his name from his name tag stuck with me since it was so unusual. I went into the store three times on various days getting gifts. Every single time, Willard was there, and every single time, Willard was an a-hole to me. He'd try his darndest to ignore me, give me very short rude help, the third time I was there he actually gave me a once over and commented that I "must sure like those Christmas cookies" as he was ringing up my items (which included cookies for friends). And again, this was three separate days over a period of a few weeks.

Well I went in there today, and lo and behold, my old friend Willard was there to greet me with a big smile and "Welcome to World Market, may I help you with anything?" The whole time in the store, he was excessively friendly. He asked if I needed help finding anything a few times, made a few comments and jokes, and he even specifically delivered a sample piece of candy to me. It was all very over the top nice.

I dunno, maybe it's just a huge coincidence, but I thought it illustrated the point well.

I honestly think it has a lot to do with perception and also the people involved. Some people are intimidated,mean to, and threatened by "attractive" people and others will go out of their way for them...The same can be said about "unattractive" people.

Also,some people cant accept a compliment unless they believe they deserve it.

For example:A bigger person receives a compliment. They don't believe it because "it can't possibly be true", but then lets say that person loses weight and receives the same compliment. They then believe its true and therefore it has to be because they are thin.

The mind is a powerful thing.

Originally Posted by mkendrick:
the third time I was there he actually gave me a once over and commented that I "must sure like those Christmas cookies" as he was ringing up my items (which included cookies for friends). And again, this was three separate days over a period of a few weeks.

Wow....I can't say I wouldn't have zinged those Christmas cookies right at old Willard's head...Excellent self-restraint on your part. :o

Did you call and report Willard? I hope so. That's completely unacceptable.

With regard to the original post, have you only seen the doctor twice, once when overweight and once when not? Because it is possible that the first appointment his poor treatment of you was not because of your weight, but because he had a bad day. He could have rushed you because he was behind or many other reasons. It's easy to attribute someone's change in behavior to changes in you, but honestly, if those are your only two experiences with him, the initial appointment could have been an aberration having nothing to do with your weight.

Rachel,
Yes, I saw him twice about 8 months apart. He did not even remember me. The first time the office was less busy. Both times my husband came with me and he noticed as well. This Dr. even moved me ahead of 2 patients to have a test done. It was very obvious!

trust me, it is not "in my head" when i tell you, i have lived fat, thin, fat, thin, and now fat again. my self esteem has NEVER been any better thin than when i was fat.
the last time i lost 160lbs, and COULD NOT handle the attention. people coming out of the woodwork, hubbies friends making comments, my friends husbands making comments, i hated it! at one point i looked at my husband and told him i was going to gain it all back, i couldnt handle it. and guess what? i did.

the comment about the doctors is absolutely correct. when i was 17, i got a tattoo without my mother's permission. ****WARNING VULGAR ALERT***** she was livid, and threatened to kick me out, if i didnt go with her to a plastic surgeon to have it removed. So off we went. He comes in the room, TRUE STORY (you cant make this crap up) takes one look at me and my tiny tattoo on my ankle and says, "she doesnt need this tatoo removed, she needs to lose weight. it's not like she has slippery when wet tattooed on her crotch or F*** tattooed across her knuckles" and then he turned and walked out. i seriously thought my hoity toity momma was gonna pass out right there. but more importantly......WTH ... what does tatoo removal have to do with weight loss? 21 years later, and i'm still shaking my head over this one.
it is harder to get a job when your heavy, IT IS THE LAST ACCEPTABLE SOCIAL DISCRIMINATION TOLERATED IN THIS COUNTRY. and ANYONE who doesnt believe that........well then you've never been heavy enough to understand.

sorry for the soapbox rant, but i've been through so much with this over the years.

edit:
one more thing, i would bet my house on this: if i would have walked into that surgeon at my lowest weight, i know he would have shook my hand, removed my tattoo, and that would have been the end of it. I HAVE LIVED LIFE BOTH WAYS. more than once.

At my highest weight, I was in the lower "obese" category. Now, I'm just barely "overweight". 25lbs gone on a 5'0" body is quite a bit.

Do I feel like I'm treated differently though? Honestly... Well, I'm not the most perceptive person, so I never catch those "little looks". I happily lived (and perhaps still do) in my Ignorance is Bliss bubble. No one ever really made comments about my weight, aside from my grandfather (though his remarks I've been able to brush off), and my grandmother (who was actually happy that I had a bit of extra weight because to her, an underweight old woman, I was very healthy and beautiful).

I feel like my boyfriend is more attracted to me though. But I can't tell if it's because we've overcome a lot together in this past year. My father picked me up the other day, something he hasn't done in a long time, but he isn't treating me any different. I was asked out by one guy and asked to model for another, which I've never really experienced before, but I've also put in more of an effort to make myself look pretty, so perhaps it was the confidence and not the weight.

Let's see if I find a notable change in how people treat me after the next 20lbs :)

I don't get told, upon walking into a non-plus size store, that they "don't have anything in your size, sorry" anymore, so that's nice haha. That happened on more than one occasion. Almost as soon as I walked into the store, too, I hadn't even asked them for my size or anything. The salespeople are definitely a lot friendlier and more helpful now.

I had an experience with a doctor treating me badly because of my weight, too, but I never went back to her, so I don't know if she'd treat me differently now.

Originally Posted by sisypheanme:
I confirm this to be true...I have read different studies and viewed news shows/articles on how overweight people get less promotions and are treated differently than their slimmer counterparts. I guess I shouldn't be too amazed that a Dr. I saw back in January (when I weighed 175) treated my so differently when I saw him recently (at 117 pounds). He was rude the first time--short and neglected to explain things. I felt like I was treated like a number or a farm animal. My recent visit he obviously didn't recognize me and looked back through his notes (as most Dr.'s do anyhow). He explained things, took extra time with me, and his manner was a complete about face. Now with that said, I have also noticed that people are more respectful of me...this leads me to believe that society places too high a value on beauty and thin people. Was I not a worthy person before I lost weight? I am STILL the same person and my weight loss was never intended for vanity. It happened due to a medical condition, stress, and then a need to eat clean to counteract the condition and stress. Has anyone else encountered this?
Demi

Having always been skinny growing up I never noticed until,I had 2 kids and due to pregency gain weight,when I was 200 lbs and now near my goal weight,I have seen people hate on me and I am not even at my goal weight YET! I guess,that some people can't stand you looking good if there NOT.

I can't eat much carbs since,I get bloated and I am eating clean and working out cleaning and using the wii and biking at home.I know what you mean,I have a overweight family and they were HAPPY when I was FAT and now that I am getting skinny it bothers them,not my issue,Just focus on your health and who gives a load of what are others concerns is there issue not yours.

Growing up skinny I was normal and did not have to work on being skinny,I guess,I was lucky and my daughter has the fat gene of my family I think and is getting upset too,since,I am losing weight (7mths since,had my babie) before my baby I was around the 105 lb weight.

:dizzy:

ive noticed this myself, people stop and talk to me.. stare at me and some people even make comments they should really keep to themselves.

But i do think its human nature to be attracted to people who have an "average" body type and size. I think it has to do with evolution and what we see as "healthy, child bearing and strong". We have been around at least 250,000 years and i imagine that it would be a hard habit to break when its what kept us alive and evolving.

Funny you posted this. I have noticed a HUGE difference. What I don't know is if it is the weight change only or if it is that I am happier with myself.

More people chat with me at various places. Even people who used to look past me a year ago seem "comfortable" to talk to me now (for instance while we wait for our kids to come out of dance). I just wish I knew if it was them judging my obesity or if it was the way a carried myself.

This is all so true... it seems like the "Beautiful People's Club" i very real. I haven't lost half of the weight I initially needed to lose, but people are treating me so different now that I'm not visibly obese. People are polite, greet me when I walk into stores, people hold doors for me, they make small talk in the elevator. It's weird! It's hard to get used to, all this attention, people actually looking at you in the eyes when you're talking to them...
I can't say I don't like being treated better, but it shows a serious problem with our beauty standards and how much they affect people in their everyday lives without them even noticing. when I was over 200 pounds I didn't even know there was such thing as someone offering you help in a store. Or barely (you know what I mean).
I find it very sad. :(

It's so true, i've had lots of people compliment me so much so it's sometimes embarrassing cos i would have prefered if they kept the compliments to themselves, i was at a barbeque party yesterday and the host was so excited about my weight loss that other guests at the party surrounded me and started asking me what i did to lose weight.
On the negative side, a colleague who had gained a lot of weight in recent time heard people complimenting my weight loss and said she fears i will lose weight and start falling off my feet! i really don't care what she feels, i like myself the way i am now

MaryOjo, I know what you're talking about with the compliments. I do my best to accept them with grace and try to switch the subject as quickly as possible. Especially from friends or family members who I haven't seen since my highest weight. The whole situation either goes two ways...1) the fact that I'm thin now is like an elephant in the room because it's so obvious but nobody will mention it or 2) they won't shush up about my weight and keep going on and on about how much I lost. The line between feeling complimented and feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable is very easy to cross. A simple "Megan, you look great" would be fine.

Also, when I was heavy and hanging out with a group where there was a skinny person and the subject of that person's thin-ness came up, it always frustrated me. People would say how skinny she was and compare her to beanpoles and twigs and stuff and she would sheepishly brush it off and say she wasn't THAT skinny. It always annoyed me because it felt like they were all just making her ego bigger. Well now that *I* am the thin one where people go around the room trying to come up with the best way to put in words how skinny I am. And yes, I get very tired of being compared to a pole, a stick, a twig, a lollipop, something that would blow away in the wind, etc.

It was once explained to me that "if they don't treat themselves well... why should i treat them well"; my response to this was what makes you think that they don't treat themselves well, maybe they don't know any better or maybe they have emotional issues and have yet to learn how to deal with it... that person didn't have much to say after that. smh

just to put my 4cents into the shopping cart comment. I didn't look at shopping carts until cashiers and patrons started to make comments.. like the kashi cereals or hold up vegetables and say what is this (let me warn you never laugh when someone says that just tell them what it is.. i learned the hard way) or all the 'greenway' products i must pick up (I'm addicted to this brand.) I only feel conscious of it if someone is like staring at what i have in my cart like i kinda stick out like "green" thumb lol.

I also saw that abc show and all i kept thinking was that it wasnt his job to save them. when people have to deal with weight and health the change has to come from within them and if anybody harasses someone to change they deserve a kick in the shin! hyy yah ~~kick~~ lolz ;)

Originally Posted by LastTrain2Para:
It was once explained to me that "if they don't treat themselves well... why should i treat them well"; my response to this was what makes you think that they don't treat themselves well, maybe they don't know any better or maybe they have emotional issues and have yet to learn how to deal with it... that person didn't have much to say after that. smh

just to put my 4cents into the shopping cart comment. I didn't look at shopping carts until cashiers and patrons started to make comments.. like the kashi cereals or hold up vegetables and say what is this (let me warn you never laugh when someone says that just tell them what it is.. i learned the hard way) or all the 'greenway' products i must pick up (I'm addicted to this brand.) I only feel conscious of it if someone is like staring at what i have in my cart like i kinda stick out like "green" thumb lol.

I also saw that abc show and all i kept thinking was that it wasnt his job to save them. when people have to deal with weight and health the change has to come from within them and if anybody harasses someone to change they deserve a kick in the shin! hyy yah ~~kick~~ lolz ;)

You are absolutely right change has to come from within. I put off losing weight for 8 years...and when I got really sick of it I lost the weight!

the "if they dont treat themselves well why should i" mentality really frustrates me. That is exactly when we SHOULD be treating people well. Because that is when people need it most!

Part of why I am losing is for my career. I have always had high self esteem and told off people like doctors who made inappropriate or medically incorrect comments about my weight. But my job involves some client-facing business trips and I think they will go much better if I am what society considers a normal size. Not to mention, the flying to see the clients is easier.

Originally Posted by mkendrick:
One thing I've noticed is that I'm treated more like a "lady" now that I'm thinner. Doors opened for me, people constantly asking if I need help carrying anything or anything of that nature, I dunno...hard to explain. But it's definitely a treatment that I had never gotten before. And it happens even when I go to Walmart in my PJs, messy hair, and haven't showered, hehe.

I don't want to argue with what each of you have experienced, but I have always been treated the way mkendrick describes above. Sometimes, I even think to myself, "I look really crappy today and I'm 20# overweight, why on earth are people going out of their way to be so nice to me?"

And I live in Boston, so it's definitely not that people are so nice here! :p