I had to get caught up with about 7 posts here and can't remember how many times I thought "BINGO" as I read, and "I'll have to respond to that".
People pleasing fat chicks ... I actually feel guilty about the time it takes to do this. Even though my children hardly live at home any more. I actually CAN take the time. Nobody cares.
vmelo's entire post .... flexible, hmmm. And I do need to have a plan B as far as walking goes. "Fat Burning for Dummies" with Gay Gaspar?
Whatever works ... awesome mantra!
Meg, you never need to shut up as far as I'm concerned. I read everything you say at least once.
Jiffypop ... you're just very cool in my books. I've been a closet fan of yours since I found these boards. As a nurse I've looked after patients who are what you were. I just want to rip the coke and chocolate out of their hands and give'em a talking to.
Sarah? ...my experience is my own. Simple but awesome statement.
Mennie? It is a building experience to come here, yes?
Alberta? Come here, come often. Why is it OK for the young girl at work to drink smoothies and run marathons but for me it's pathalogical to eat low fat salad dressing and walk every day?

If I skipped someone, it's not because I didn't think your thoughts were noteworthy. It's because I'm overwhelmed by the quantity of support here. Rest assured, all of you, that I will read this thread over and over.

Do you know what I did yesterday? I apparently need to work more on the "I don't care factor" ... I actually had a couple more squares to prove to my in-laws that I eat.
Someone said "Susan, you're the smallest one here." That's their dumb thought. I was, in fact, the only one there who was a good and healthy weight for ME!

Oh how many times can I say thank you, thank you thank you thank you ...

Oh a little ps ... my other SIL is taking courses in fitness and nutrition. She says 18% BF is TOOOOOO low. She'd be happy with 22 which is 'healthier'. I thought we'd be sympatico ... but I'm afraid not.

You all are amazing. You say exactly what I have been thinking.

A refrain that goes through my head daily is, "if you eat like a fat woman, you will BE a fat woman". What we do matters. How we eat, how we exercise, how much rest we get, how we balance our lives. It all matters.

I prefer to think of it as keeping a healthy balance in my life. I don't exercise simply for weight loss, I do it because it makes me feel better and stronger, because it keeps my heart and bones strong, because it gives me the stamina and flexibility to do the FUN things I want to do in life. And yes, it also helps with weight maintenance. I am 43, and at this age, if I don't move it I truly will lose it. Statistics show that women lose lean muscle mass yearly as they age. You all know that, of course.

I could maintain or lose weight on a certain number of calories, whether I choose processed junk foods or healthy whole foods. There is some merit to calories in/calories out. I choose to make what I consider better food choices, because I want to feel good, I want the nutrients these foods contain. There is a reason these foods were put on the planet, and I choose to tip the balance in their favor in my eating style. As an added bonus, these foods satisfy me. I can "eat large" another finding from the weight loss master in "Thin For Life". I get to eat more food (volume) for less calories. I love it.

Obsessive? I don't think so. Smart, intelligent, informed. It is my life and my body and I get out of it exactly what I put into it.

It takes work, no doubt. But I sort of enjoy the work. I love coming here and sharing thoughts and ideas with you all. I enjoy going to the gym, pushing myself to do more. I love trying new recipes. I love tweaking things to find out exactly what works for me.

I am still learning what it will take to lose these last pounds and to maintain over the long run, but it is a price I am happy to pay to be who and what I want to be in life. After all, it's all about me! :)

Dawna

Being open to changing our approach
 

I think that is an extremely astute assessment of things. It certainly applies to me--I have regained 3 pounds that I struggled to lose at Weight Watchers, and feel extremely fed up. I have cut back to 20 points, increased my exercise and am writing down every single morsel that crosses my lips. This should help--it certainly makes me feel focused.

Now I realize that 3 pounds is not a big gain, but my main concern is that I don't want to spiral out of control and regain even more. I LIKE that my pants fit again!

Elana

I've got to be a bit of a straggler. I'm postng all over 3fc :)
I did a lot of calculating and thought I'd come up with a balance but ... I've come in under calories a few days in a row and haven't actually been exercising much. I lost another pound maybe two since the end of last week.
Do you all think 1800 or 1900 cals 'used' each day could be too low? I'm pretty certain my intake is around 1500 or 1600.

I love your goal, Susan--maintain without driving myself crazy.

I may incorporate that as my goal for the week. Hopefully it will help!

obsession/compulsion vs. a passion
 

When I first started working on my various compulsivities, more than just food, I learned several things. Compulsions/obsessions have life-damaging consequences. If you are more concerned about getting 2 hours of exercise to keep thin rather than nuturing your family, you might want to look at it. Looking at it can include making time for both. I am not talking about people pleasing, but normal healthy family relationships. If you are more concerned about buying the best low calorie foods available or a new skinny wardrobe, and you cant pay your rent or your bills, that might be a life-damaging consequence, and you might want to look at it. That might include looking into getting a smaller place, as well as looking for cheaper foods or clothes.

A passion, such as keeping up the hard work of keeping weight off, reading, ,gardening, sewing, or ?, can involve great time expenditures too. But they dont hurt anyone else, or yourself, at the same time. A passion is life and body affirming. A passion is involving and rewarding.

I have had both compulsions/obsessions (food/eating, plant collecting, christmas stuff and others) as well as wonderful life benefiting passions (gardening, tennis, art, cooking, etc). I can now usually tell the difference. One brings discomfort on a certain underlying level, the other is totally rewarding. Keeping weight off can fall into either category depending on the individual, and only the person involved can really tell.

Jan

All I'll say is this: I would rather be obssessed with what I ate and exercising than being fat ANY DAY OF THE WEEK.

It's kinda sad, you know, a co-worker of mine used to have beaudiful muscles, a nice tone to her. Her girlfriend called her "too manly" and now she's shed the muscle :( don't let ANYONE tell you how you should be, not even your closest loved ones.

Jan, you put it so well. Obsessions do bring discomfort whereas passions do not. One thing I find extremely annoying is people who label one's passions as obsessions. A friend of mine, for example, thinks I'm "obsessed" with my weight because I work out 6 days a week and weigh myself several times a week (weighing often has made me less afraid of the scale and able to shrug off normal weight fluctuations). I like exercising (for the most part :D ) and, more important, like how it makes me feel and what it does for my body (makes it stronger, gives me more endurance, etc.). I find it amazing that someone else would have the temerity to try to diminish that with the label "obsessive." I think that sometimes such people are being munipulative. Other times, I just think that they're so self-centered that they use themselves as a yard stick by which to measure everyone else (in other words, they're "normal"; anyone who is too far from their measurement is obsessive).

Geez girls, great point there on "obsessions bringing discomforts" and "passions are rewarding" ... It's like I just got an AH HA moment !! I too know that people think I'm a bit obsessive when it comes to working out and eating right, but dang I LOVE to exercise and now I realise it is more of a passion for me than anything...

Thanks girls! This is why I love this site!

I just wanted to chime in here for a moment and say thank you. I have just recently gotten back into eating right and exercising. It is taking practice but things have apparently 'clicked' this time around. I appreciate your posts and hope you don't mind me barging in but I am encouraged by your words and you said it for me...I am not being obsessive...I love what I am doing for myself.

On the other hand ... if we removed the negative conotation from the word obsessive ... What's better to be obsessive about? Strength, health, longevity?