Tuesday brings more gray and rainy weather, and I'm at 155.1, which is where I was on Sunday.

Yesterday's layoff upset one of my direct reports. I need to speak with her about this today. Also, it upset me. With that low performer gone, the department will look harder at other lower performers. My direct report was one of them, but made a turnaround last year. Still now & then I can feel her concentration lapsing.

I'm supposed to co-present on a WebEx videoconferencing call today, speaking to PowerPoint slides. I will feel like a different woman when that's over.

Shannon - exercise? (And I have never paid more attention to US and Russian politics.)

Exercise! Two down! Some easy yoga, Day one of Stronglifts 5x5, 30 mins on the elliptical.

I've got a meeting this afternoon with my owners about our health insurance renewal. This is likely to be unpleasant for all involved.

Way to go Shannon! :cheer:

Saef, I used to be employed by a company that subscribed to the Jack Welch/GE mentality that the bottom 10% of performers needed to be churned like compost. The problem with this kind of thinking is that it becomes too easy to also decide that this is a great opportunity to reduce headcount. Thus, the workload shouldered by "the slackers" gets spread around the higher performers who are grateful not to be in the bottom 10% (at least for a short while). We've always called it the punishment of the competent. Needless to say, it's not long before all the best people realize that they can get a better work/life balance somewhere else, and the "brain drain" begins. Ugly process.

Silverbirch, yes, I also see a lot of room for improvement in my rear view. I am thinking that it will be helpful to not be working against "desk derriere" in the very near future. ;)

Kittycat! Hi! :wave:

Back when I was working, I was a high performer, and I learned to slow myself down--because the reward for being an efficient performer was just to be given more work. I did receive raises, but I found that after a point, I was unwilling to trade mental health for money.

When working on contract, I could often get things done in 10 hours that would take others 20, on average. So, I would get the thing done in 10 hours, have 10 hours off, and charge for 20--the standard rate. Why would I allow myself to be paid less for being more competent?

Wednesday morning, at 155.5. Work-from-home days often result in an increase.

The gray clouds are supposed to dissipate this afternoon. Meanwhile, I am indeed feeling like a different woman after having delivered the presentation yesterday, which went over really well. It was so well-received that I'm already thinking about what the next one ought to be.

Yes, we are a rank-and-yank company that does "stack rankings" along a bell curve. Part of the management credo is "managing out low performers." My old department did this routinely. My current department was a sleepy place until now, and some denizens were in denial that anyone could lose their job over performance issues. I believe they are being disabused of that notion now.

Shannon, it's so good to hear of others finding energy and inspiration within themselves.

I feel good when I go outside, and it's clearly spring, but then I come back inside to the laptop, and it may as well still be winter.

Day three, check. Started a 30 day yoga series today - day one was 34 minutes. Followed up with 45 minutes on the elliptical. I can tell you, my freakish insides already want to do a different yoga tomorrow and then start the 30 day over on 4/1. I should have considered that before starting on the 29th of the month.

Saef - not sure if it is inspiration so much as desperation. I'm not happy with myself at all right now, and something has to give.

Health insurance meeting went as I expected. Switching carriers to one the owners like better, but will upset the hourly employees. Prices going up. Lather, rinse, repeat.

We aren't a churn the bottom company. We are a minimum wage industry, and it churns on its own. We haven't given executive level staff (GMs, district managers, accounting, IT, me in HR, all office staff) raises now this made the third year January, attributed to the rising costs of health insurance and the requirement to offer it to everyone over 30 hours for the last three years. This could cause some issue next year if they opt for year four, as many of us, myself included, aren't thrilled with this. I am happy that we have continued to give increases to the hourly people and the middle managers. Honestly, they need it more than me and I get that, but it gets demoralizing after a while. And I brought my renewal in at a net $12k increase to the company over last year after some plan design changes, which is a 3.9% increase. That is freaking phenomenal in this market, and I feel like I worked myself crazy and will do so for the next two months solid enrolling for a company that doesn't really appreciate me. It is a family owned business, they don't see the rest of the world. I've actually only gotten increases three times in ten years.

Thursday morning, 156.8. This is better than I'd thought, and one of those weigh-ins that I dreaded.

I binged yesterday, after not doing so since the last night of vacation. It's partly because yesterday I was trying not to chew gum. I have a bad sugarfree gum-chewing habit and I wanted to see if I could do without it. Without my usual crutch to relieve tension, I found myself going through two bags of dried fruit chips -- one of persimmons, and one of apple chips. A lot of fruit sugar, even though no added sugar, and fiber, and definitely a spike in calories.

Cold turkey won't work. I'm into this deeper than I thought.

Originally Posted by saef:
Thursday morning, 156.8. This is better than I'd thought, and one of those weigh-ins that I dreaded.

I binged yesterday, after not doing so since the last night of vacation. It's partly because yesterday I was trying not to chew gum. I have a bad sugarfree gum-chewing habit and I wanted to see if I could do without it. Without my usual crutch to relieve tension, I found myself going through two bags of dried fruit chips -- one of persimmons, and one of apple chips. A lot of fruit sugar, even though no added sugar, and fiber, and definitely a spike in calories.

Cold turkey won't work. I'm into this deeper than I thought.

The sweeteners in a lot of sugar-free products can produce a physical withdrawal effect when you stop ingesting them. I found this to be true with all the diet soda I was consuming.

Dagmar :hyper:

Friday morning, at 156.7, and remembering how tight my pants were yesterday. Also looking through a grocery ad and feeling embittered about all the food that I *don't* eat, and still I regain weight due to portion size. I make good choices, I just eat too much.

Dagmar, the binge was due to my state of mind, rather than to actual physical withdrawal. I'm anxious and challenged and also somehow at the same time bored and understimulated.

It's going to be a cold and rainy day, but the last of a week free of my hypercritical manager, who's been in Florida on vacation.

Originally Posted by saef:
I make good choices, I just eat too much.
.

This is the single most thing i hate about losing and maintaining is the portion control. i have no problem whatsoever making healthy choices but my REAL NATURE is eating much more than my body needs. I manage to reign it in every day but.... still....

Originally Posted by ReillyJ:
This is the single most thing i hate about losing and maintaining is the portion control. i have no problem whatsoever making healthy choices but my REAL NATURE is eating much more than my body needs. I manage to reign it in every day but.... still....

Our bodies are "wired" to eat as much as we can when food is abundant. "Feast or famine" used to be a real concern a couple of hundred years ago. Biologically we haven't changed that much and we have to train against that.

It is hard but if we can eat to saiety and no more most of the time then we can indulge too. I eat as much as I want one or two evenings a week. I'm finding that amount has decreased over time as my brain is getting what it wants part of the time and not rebelling so much when I "deprived" it totally of overeating.

There's a whole lot of trial and error before success in maintenance.

Dagmar :cheer:

Saturday morning at 156.6. A lot of fluid retention in my legs and feet. Not sure what to do to make my body release it.

What can I do so that I don't regret my misuse of my weekend?

Originally Posted by saef:
Also looking through a grocery ad and feeling embittered about all the food that I *don't* eat, and still I regain weight due to portion size. I make good choices, I just eat too much.

Originally Posted by ReillyJ:
This is the single most thing i hate about losing and maintaining is the portion control. i have no problem whatsoever making healthy choices but my REAL NATURE is eating much more than my body needs. I manage to reign it in every day but.... still....

I hope you folks don't mind my crashing your thread, but this resonated deeply with me. Feeling dissatisfied with portions small enough for maintenance is what always tripped me up before and was just unsustainable for me. I've found that I need to eat essentially all my calories at one meal in order to feel truly satisfied, and even that one meal needs to be structured.

I eat in an increasingly calorie-dense order, starting almost every meal with a large bowl of low calorie soup (sometimes a large salad instead or sometimes some of each). After that, I usually use a smallish bowl, heaping, to hold my entree and small serving of starch (e.g. a curry dish or stir fry on brown rice or red lentils). I make sure there's enough protein in the entree along with lots of veggies. At that point, I am often truly satisfied before I finish and I am happy to leave any amount I don't want. After that, I pretty much always eat a half ounce of nuts then a small serving of chocolate (with a decaf, and I freely drink coffee w/a little cream, chai w/NFPM froth, and broth throughout the day).

For me, there's something almost magical about being truly satisfied every day, and for me that meal needs to be dinner. Forms of IF that involve skipping a whole day didn't work well for me. Nor does trying to make my main meal mid-day (which is supposed to be healthier).

Although I couldn't divide my calories into more than one satisfying meal, my husband does perfectly well with two meals and some people manage well with three squares. So, anyway, I just wanted to let you folks know that I had found a way to deal with that problem that works for me and you might consider your meal frequency as a tool to manage your satisfaction, especially if you're following the traditional advice of eating several small meals a day "to boost your metabolism" (JohnP put that idea out of my head several years ago).

Also, FWIW, I did not go OMAD cold turkey; it took months of shrinking an eating window while I let my body slowly adjust to the new eating schedule, because at that point I was so done with being miserable over food (or lack of it) and I didn't even start out with the intention of going OMAD, but I am very happy with it.

Yoyoma! So glad you came over! And happy to hear that this strategy works for you.