Shannon-- second night of headspace and I kept falling asleep! He was telling me to close my eyes and I drifted in and out. Guess I was relaxed!!

My back was killing me so I skipped working out for the first time in forever. My dd swears by Epson salts in the bath with magnesium so I bought some and took a long bath. I can't believe how much better my back feels today! I hope I'm still saying that at the end of the day. I know I don't do well sitting and I have a hair appointment tomorrow (cut, color and highlights-- haven't had one since May) so I know it will be a long one. I think I'll have to get up and walk around while "processing".

My weight was the same as yesterday so I'm hoping if I can exercise today, I might see a drop for weigh in day tomorrow. My win was to skip the "healthy" ice cream that was calling out to me at the grocery store while I was feeling very woe is me about my back. I've never tried it before (Halo Top) but I've heard it's good. Maybe that will be my "reward" if I can ever get back under my redline again (5 ish pounds to go). I know I'm also quite bloated as I have two rings I alternate between-- the one I can wear when my fingers aren't swollen, and the one I can wear when my fingers are puffy-- today I could barely squeeze the "puffy" one on-- maybe all over inflammation from my back? The Tylenol I took when I haven't taken any in months? I'll try to flush it out today with extra water!

TGIF!!

Michele - I've been popping Tylenol or Advil almost non-stop for 11 days now, and I'm so bloated I feel like my skin is going to crack in places. I'm well past even my puffy ring fitting. I know I didn't eat so badly in the last 11 days that I gained 19 pounds, but my scale sure thinks so. I fell asleep during the Headspace early on, too. Still do sometimes, especially if I do it right after I eat.

Shannon-- there's no way you could have gained 19 pounds in 11 days-- hopefully the bloat goes down soon!!
When I first had my thyroid treated (Radioactive Iodine for Graves Disease), I gained a pound a day for 20 days. I was so discouraged as I was overweight to begin with and then I just piled the weight on. My (older male) doctor wasn't at all sympathetic-- yeah-- that will happen he said.

My back feels so much better today but now my shoulder and neck hurt. I wonder if I pulled something compensating for my back yesterday. Oy....

December already seems to be going better, I'm at 133.5. I think it has helped that I've been drinking more water this week.

Good going, Raven.

I am getting into bed straightaway before I start to eat something out of exhaustion.

I'm at 154.6 this morning.

I was wrestling with myself late yesterday. I'm feeling anxious over all that I need to do, and was having trouble settling in to do it. I wanted to eat, but I drank instead. Not alcohol, I hasten to add -- but everything that I drank was caffeinated, so by 6 PM, my neck and shoulders were tightened up like a vise and I was starting to shut down in reaction and feel sleepy. I wanted to eat a second dinner. I wanted a second Quest bar. I wanted to eat & eat. It was a major victory to shut off the laptop, where I wasn't getting anything done, just reading endless political stuff, and put myself to bed promptly at 8 PM.

This morning there's still an edge. I won't feel at peace till I've written my first year-end review. It's about an employee that I can say truthfully is getting done all that she needs to do, but I still worry about her. This is where personal liking and being someone's manager start to conflict. This is why I don't want to write her year-end review and this is why I am anxious and blocked.

I'm at 153.2. More wrestling with myself last night, as I ate dinner early and started to feel hungry at bed time. Like Birchie, I put myself to bed rather than stay up and eat.

Oh, I remember these stretches of seeing how much longer I could stay hungry without doing anything about it, and I don't like them.

I still haven't written that employee's review, but I saw "Manchester by the Sea," which was excellent and haunting, and resonated with me because I grew up with men who were like that, and I finished up my monthly November report for my own manager, so the way is clear.

A lower weight this morning. I'm working on high fat, low carbs. It's so yummy. (Please do not tell the nurse as this is not the low fat diet she and the doctor favour.)

I am now rather more relaxed than I've been for about, say, 12-18 months. That's because things in the extended family are rolling along reasonably well. I'm not being called upon all the time to be responsible and grown-up about things (which tends to wear me down).

All things being equal, I'll be going for a morning walk most days. That works well when I'm at the office because I roll out of the car, do not go into the office, and just start walking around our beautiful park (laid out originally in the 19th century). Half an hour at a brisk pace. When I'm at home, though, I do my weights routine first thing and as work 'n' stuff is looking rather busy into the New Year I'm not quite sure how I'll be fitting in my walk as well.

saef, last night I had a long bath. We have lots of hot water for a change (back boiler on the wood-burning stove) and I read a book in the bath* for ages. Then I got into bed. Early again and it was just excellent. I do recommend it.

* The SO and I have different opinions about this. He thinks it's not allowed. I think it's essential. This difference of opinion is a healthy example for the DB to know about.

Monday morning at 153.4. That means I'm up a fraction from yesterday, but for once, I'm not at 155.

It feels good not to be disappointed with myself.

It's also good that I did not eat yesterday despite being desk-bound and squirming because I did not want to be doing what I was doing. I was not productive. I should have pushed the chair in and gone for a pedicure rather than procrastinating during my planned work time.

Originally Posted by saef:
I should have pushed the chair in and gone for a pedicure rather than procrastinating during my planned work time.

Word to the above.

Got home at 2 am from an East Coast conference, the one I've been dreading. The 12-hour board meeting day in particular is rough - it is hard to sit so long and have complete mental focus with no physical movement. I gave my scientific presentation 8-9 am yesterday, and despite several days of short sleep plus jet lag, I think it went ok. There were over 100 people who came, which made me panic slightly. Now I'm at work, very tired with a bad sinus infection, and a mentally demanding week ahead. When do I get off this train?

On the weight front, I managed to NOT overeat my way through the exhausting and stressful meeting, which is a major victory considering this same situation two years ago was a cause of substantial weight gain. If anything I erred too far the other direction, for fear of the never-ending spiral of stress eating that I sometimes get into.

Tuesday, at 154.9. Yes, 155 seems to exert the magnetic force of a setpoint weight.

I knew this would happen after yesterday's trip to the salad bar. It was the salty black olives on the salty roasted eggplant.

I'm still loosely out of sorts today. My teeth have been fixed for the short term, but I will eventually need about $6k in caps and bridges. My lip still hurts, and my nose definitely has a small, hairline fracture on it. I've been afraid to run since the fall, and have been making poor food and exercise choices. I did exercise three days last week, I'm trying to spin that as better than no days. I'm weaning down the meds, so some of the bloat is going down. I'm trying to feel Christmas spirity instead of grouchy.

Shannon, I do feel for you. :hug: Three days exercise last week sounds extremely good to me.

saef, salad bars! Salt! I'm sympathetic.

JayZeeJay, a 12-hour board meeting. That sounds quite terrible. Good work on not over-eating.

I knew I'd be higher today, at 155.3.

I binged yesterday. This is the first time in a month. I'd just finished my lunch, which was off from my routine. I'd had no greens and had to warm up a bag of frozen kale, and somehow this deviation from routine tilted me in the wrong direction. I had asparagus and chicken on top, and a handful of nuts. All well and good. But I decided somehow that I was *entitled* to more nuts, and then I got into a bag of mixed nuts and raisins and goji berries, and found myself mindlessly eating & eating.

Yes, I did stop but it's frightening how easy it is to drop into the abyss.

And Shannon, I know what it's like to feel fragile after an accident. The way it worked for me is that I had to come back through rehab. I suggest you respect your injury and exercise as though you are rehabbing yourself -- which you are. You are rehabbing your confidence in yourself and your ability to negotiate safely through the world.

Coming here for accountability so I don't cave and make a poor choice....

Anyone else ever feel the "woe is me"... I can't eat that?

It is birthday celebration day at work and the theme is Tailgate party-- there are so many goodies in the break room it's ridiculous-- cakes and chili and hot dogs and I don't know what else. I'm debating eating my frozen meal or just going to Safeway to grab something (sushi and Coffee from Starbucks) to avoid the break room. It's not that I really want the food. It's just that I get irked when I see everyone else enjoying what I feel is taboo to me. I know if I have any of it, my weight will be up while I'm trying to be so careful.