Andrea, that sounds very Tracey Anderson Method -- women doing an incredible number of reps at low weight. As for me, I just wouldn't take those classes.

Friday, feeling wiped out and with two blistery eruptions on my neck that are incredibly itchy and feel like the start of a shingles outbreak. Yes, I'm that stressed. I want to cry. After a month of this, I'm starting to forget what it's like not to walk around feeling overwhelmed and anxious and vaguely frightened.

Weigh-in: 138.5, the usual low for the week. I'll rebound tomorrow.

Meals for Today:

Breakfast: EAS Protein muffin with cacao nibs embedded in it; egg bake with baby kale, mushrooms and sun-dried tomatoes; strawberries with yogurt
Snack: Bare Fruit Fuji apple chips, the 180-calorie bag
Lunch: Baby kale salad with roasted vegetables, goat cheese, almonds, Craisins, and a couple forkfuls of hummus
Snack: Peach
Dinner: Picadillo on brown rice
Dessert: Chocolate chip cookie dough Quest bar

Exercise for Today:

Physical therapy: Wow, this was tough. The young 20-something muscle-bound PT -- really, a former personal trainer -- just back from a few days drinking in Punta Cana, really upped the weights and pushed me to failure and shaking muscles. So 15 minute Cybex elliptical; 4x12 leg presses alternating with 4x20 crunches; 3x12 abductor/adductor, going pretty heavy; then 3x12 hamstring curl and quad raise, again, heavy to failure.

Reading in the evening, instead of watching TV, makes for less eating of junk food. Even though I'm not taking in much of what I'm reading i find I enjoy it much more than TV. Since DH now does his drum practice in the evenings I'm freed up to read much more at home too.

The way to change the bad habits is to replace them with better ones, yes? Though the reading falls apart in the winter months at least it works as a strategy for the summer ones.

Dagmar :beach:

Saturday, crying while driving home from the grocery store just before 8 AM. My problem this week: How to slowly brake this speeding automaton that I've become to get through my working days without burning up or spinning out as I de-accelerate.

Weigh-in: 139.3, the slow climb over the weekend.

Meals for Today:

Breakfast: EAS Protein muffin with cacao nibs embedded in it; egg bake with baby kale, mushrooms and sun-dried tomatoes; yellow and red cherries with yogurt
Lunch: Spring mix salad, roasted mixed vegetables, roasted cauliflower, sun-dried tomatoes, goat cheese, almonds, a couple forkfuls of chipotle hummus
Snack: 180-calorie bag of Bare Fruit Granny Smith apple chips
Dinner: Picadillo and brown rice, long-simmered kale greens
Dessert: Double chocolate chunk Quest bar

Exercise for Today:

20 minutes Cybex arc trainer, hill intervals, resistance at 10; Workout 12A of Strong Curves beginners program, going into my last week; then Pilates mat class, much of it holding a 3-lb weight which was making me shake, coming off pushups, chinups and deadlifting.

Saef, I'm jumping in this thread to remind you to take care of YOU. This is a bit of hypocrisy coming from me, but work isn't allowed to be a bully in your life.

This time when my stress spiral started to build, my husband was observing my slow meltdown and said "you need to care less". So that's what I've been trying to do - try my best but not CARE so much if the result is not perfection, or it's a few hours late, or if I have to ask for help. Formerly, when I had patients in vet practice, it was impossible to care less since everything really did mean life or death. Now I have the luxury of having a job where that's not true, at least on a daily basis. It's ok to think of it as just a job. It won't make us any less serious career women.

I second what JayZeeJay said. saef, the only time I have found myself crying when driving home from the grocery store was when my partner was undergoing radiation treatment for cancer and everything was pretty much on my shoulders--care for her, the house, our cat, meals, getting my work done for my business contracts, everything. Fortunately there was an end in sight, namely the end of treatments and her recovery from them.

If the stress you are feeling about your life is that bad, then you have to change it. I know it's easy to say, but I assure you that you are caring more than anyone else is about your job performance. This is no way to live. You've allowed it to be set up so there is no end in sight.

Oh Saef- been there, done that and my heart goes out to you. I think we share a number of personality traits (you too, JZJ) and beating ourselves up for not working 120% all the time is probably a core feature. When my life gets that crazy-busy, sometimes I will reward myself with an hour of mindless reading/movie watching for every x hours I work. When I put it to myself that way, I feel more like I've earned it and less guilty for "goofing off." You need to disconnect sometimes, even if the work won't get itself done.

Also, if you know that your weight climbs 2 pounds every weekend but then comes back down, why torture yourself by weighing on Sunday and Monday? Especially if the number on the scale sets your mood for the day. It is just adding to the shittiness of your weekend without giving you useful information. Just sayin'.

Sunday, rainy and thoughtful. I am still calming down. I am drawn to my work email like an addict. I realized I was crying not only because I was stressed, but because I thought of my father, dead of cancer for seven years now, and it's Father's Day. Thanks, all, for your advice.

Weigh-in: Remember Andrea's advice, and didn't weigh myself.

Meals for Today:

Breakfast: EAS Protein muffin with cacao nibs embedded in it; egg bake with baby kale, mushrooms and sun-dried tomatoes; blueberries with cinnamon and yogurt
Snack: 180-calorie bag of Bare Fruit Fuji apple chips
Lunch: Baby kale and spring mix salad, roasted vegetables, almonds, Craisins, goat cheese and some forkfuls of hummus
Snack: Some mango cubes
Dinner: Hoisin-glazed salmon, roasted cauliflower, steamed asparagus
Dessert: Five fresh figs


Exercise for Today:

20 minutes recumbent bike, interval program, resistance at 10; Workout 12B of Strong Curves beginners program.

Monday, after sending out my resume yesterday for a job at another company, which made me feel better, but just a little. Mostly feeling resigned and wondering what's going to hit today.

Weigh-in: 140.8.

Meals for Today:

Breakfast: EAS Protein muffin with cacao nibs embedded in it; egg bake with baby kale, mushrooms and sun-dried tomatoes; strawberries with yogurt
Snack: Red and yellow cherries
Lunch: Baby arugula salad with steamed green beans, roasted beets, tuna, sunflower seeds
Snack: A mediocre peach, a little wrinkled, too
Dinner: Picadillo on brown rice, roasted caufliflower
Dessert: Cookies n' cream Quest bar


Exercise for Today:

At physical therapy: 12 minutes Cybex elliptical, interval program; 3x12 leg press alternating with 3x20 crunches with legs in "tabletop"; 3x12 step-ups on a higher bench with 10-lb dumbbells; 3x12 hamstring curls and quad raises; 4x12 abductor/adductor; 12 minutes hill walking with faster intervals.

Tuesday, hit with corrections and messes.

Weigh-in: 140.3, down a bit

Meals for Today:

Breakfast: EAS Protein muffin with cacao nibs embedded in it; egg bake with baby kale, mushrooms and sun-dried tomatoes; strawberries & blueberries with yogurt
Snack: Bing cherries
Lunch: Arugula, roasted vegetables, almonds, Craisins, goat cheese
Snack: 180-calorie bag of Bare Fruit Fuji apple chips
Dinner: Two turkey burgers, no bun, steamed asparagus, sauteed broccoli raabe
Dessert: Chocolate chip cookie dough Quest bar


Exercise for Today:

20 minutes Cybex arc trainer, hill interval program, resistance at 10; Workout 12C of Strong Curves beginners program. One more workout to go and I am finished with this 12-week program. What next? Repeat it, or try the advanced program?

Wednesday, in which I rebounded and got angry. Another resume out in email on a company's website early today.

Weigh-in: 139.8, down a bit more

Meals for Today:

Breakfast: EAS Protein muffin with cacao nibs embedded in it; egg bake with baby kale, mushrooms and sun-dried tomatoes; strawberries & blueberries with yogurt
Snack: 180-calorie bag of Bare Fruit Fuji apple chips
Lunch: Arugula salad with roasted eggplant slices, jicama, peppers, cubes of smoked turkey, a crumble of feta
Snack: Black cherries, lots of them
Dinner: Two turkey burgers, steamed broccoli, too mushy (mother forgot how high-powered my microwave is, compared with hers) and long-simmered kale greens
Dessert: Chocolate chip cookie dough Quest bar


Exercise for Today:

20 minutes recumbent bike, hill interval program, resistance at 10; Workout 12A2 of Strong Curves beginners program. And I've finished it! Yes, I have a better butt. Of course, I'm still recovering from my injured leg, and have a serious imbalance, with the muscle on the weaker limb still growing. But I'm also able to do chin-ups, partly due to regaining upper-body strength but also from weighing about 20 lbs less than when I tried them last year.

saef, full marks for sending out those resumes!

Just some idle musing about the working life.

When I was working in the computer/technology industry, I was surrounded by workaholic high-achievers... And I was one of them! In fact, I had abilities that allowed me to get twice as much work done as any of my colleagues.

After a point, I realized that letting this be known only meant being assigned more work. But, the company was never going to pay me twice what I was making...

So instead, I did as much work as anyone else did in the work "week" allotted. It took me less time to do it, but I didn't let on to that. I just got my 40-60 hours of work done in 20-30 hours.

Is this cheating? I don't think so. I wasn't working on anything life-or-death. And besides, people who have high abilities should not be penalized for that by being expected to do more for the same salary.

And that's not even considering any salary disparity between men and women.

Thursday, continuing to recover and regaining my optimism. I'm busy but not insanely busy, as I was at the end of the past week through early this week. Also my mother arrived for a visit -- and being obsessed with the state of a household, and mine looking neglected due to my long hours at work, she promptly did a load of laundry for me and wiped down my counters. So there's a bit more order in my personal life. I'm glad to have her here. But I have to remind myself that, just because I feel better, doesn't mean the job situation is okay -- it just became tolerable again, and it could resume being intolerable very quickly.

Weigh-in: None, decided to just skip it

Meals for Today:

Breakfast: EAS Protein muffin with cacao nibs embedded in it; egg bake with baby kale, mushrooms and sun-dried tomatoes; fresh figs with yogurt
Snack: Bing cherries
Lunch: Arugula salad with jicama, raw veggies, tuna, chickpeas, kalmata olives and sunflower seeds
Snack: 50-calorie bag of Granny Smith Bare Fruit apple chips
Dinner: Two turkey burgers, broccoli raabe, steamed asparagus
Dessert: S'mores Quest bar


Exercise for Today:

30 minutes on a machine that I haven't been on, not since before the accident: A Life Fitness elliptical. I did intervals at 4/8 resistance, alternating forward and backward.

Friday, waking in a much better state of mind than earlier in the week. My distress signals appear to have been seen by upper management, and I received lots of compliments in emails. I am fighting with myself: I know better than to believe the letup in my stress is going to last very long, and I believe I should continue with my escape plans, even as I feign normality and business as usual.

Weigh-in: None, decided to just skip it

Meals for Today:

Breakfast: First of a new batch of coconut mango muffins; egg bake with spinach, broccoli and sun-dried tomatoes; blueberries and cinnamon with yogurt
Snack: Bare Fruit Cinnamon Apple Chips, 180-calorie bag
Lunch: Baby arugula, roasted vegetables, almonds, bleu cheese crumbles, Craisins
Dinner: Pot roast, carrots, new potatoes, steamed asparagus
Dessert: Chocolate chip cookie dough Quest bar


Exercise for Today:

At physical therapy: 12 minutes on Cybex elliptical, a hill program, not an easy climb; 3x12 goblet squats with 25-lb weight alternating with 3x20 crunches with legs in tabletop position; 3x12 abductor and adductor, higher weights, legs shaking by the end; 3x12 quad lifts and hamstring curls.

Saef, can I ask if you've let your search for another job be known at your current job? Or did the UM folks just perceive your generally higher stress level? I'm applying for another job and a good friend of mine thinks that I should let that fact slip out, as a means of leverage at my current job. I'm not so sure...