[JayZeeJay]

Streudel, that's fantastic; you are the epitome of emotional resilience. Congratulations!

[Georgette]

I love that this thread got bumped. I just started coming back here, and this is the kind of thread I need to read.

I'm 40 lbs down from my top weight, but have gained 20 in the last 5 years. I don't want that to continue. I too have recently tried the intuitive eating thing only to realize that fighting to live WITH the foods and behaviors that give me trouble is a lot harder than living without them.

Today my biggest challenge is in planning for healthy meals. I'm looking for some accountability with that.

Still in maintenance weight range, but teetering on the edge.

[IanG]

Awesome post. And well done.

In my experience, people need to use the time they have while losing to experiment with food and exercise that works for their body.

Don't just do a branded diet like IP or Weightwatchers or whatever. Play around with foods. See how they affect your body. Same with exercise.

The secret to maintenance is to have found foods and exercise that you enjoy enormously, satisfy your appetite, are healthy and do not make you gain weight. Emphasis on YOU.

Job done.

If you don't experiment and find something sustainably new with the implication of just going back to old habits at the end of the diet, then the weight will come back.

It's like sleeping around before you find the love of your life. And the branded diets are the churches. Best avoided imo. But they might work for some.

[memememe76]

I'm approaching the fifth year of maintenance. This is not first time at maintenance and it may not be my last. I don't set those standards on myself anymore.

I agree that whatever your eating plan and exercise regime consists of, you have to enjoy it. I don't eat something just because it's "real food" or "healthy" or "good for you". I eat it because I like it. It may be those other good things, but maybe not. Same for exercise.

I also think that as one gets older, your day-to-day life becomes a bit more regimented, predictable. I think that allows for an easier means of maintaining.

[thirti4thirty]

This is a good thread. Bookmarking for future reference.

[SunnySide99]

This is a really, really good topic.

I'm approaching 40, lost 80 lbs and have been maintaining with ease since 2013.

As for me:

I never dieted. I eat a well-balanced diet, learned proper portion control (I used to eat way too much too often) and learned how to work treats in and not eliminate which eventually lead to binging.

Also I researched a lot about things like the role of different hormones in the body, fat loss and how healthy fats and refined sugar affects the body etc. Very eye-opening.

I exercise very regularly. Speed walking intervals everyday + lifting 4 days a week, a little bit of Pilates and bodyweight work. My life is pretty sedentary so my exercise more for heart health and to maintain muscle more than burning calories, although that is great too.

I still keep a food journal and very mindful about what I eat. Even on vacation, special events etc., I enjoy myself but I'm still mindful of what I'm consuming and I don't pig out.

Lastly when I reached maintenance it was never an end game for me. I still continue to learn and research and I work hard everyday to stay in my range. I just can't go back to my old lifestyle. Can not.

I hope others will chime in!

[Koshka]

Originally Posted by IanG

Don't just do a branded diet like IP or Weightwatchers or whatever. Play around with foods. See how they affect your body. Same with exercise.

To be clear, it is perfectly possible to follow Weight Watchers and do exactly this. I follow Weight Watchers. I stay within my Points. That said, during the time I've been on WW I've tried out various ways of eating all of which are consistent with WW. I've been a vegetarian (lacto-ovo) on WW. I've eaten low carb on WW. I've gone gluten free on WW. Currently, I'm eating a lot more plants, fish/chicken, and limiting processed foods.

All of those are perfectly compatible with WW. WW Points Plus is really a method of limiting calories (while disadvantaging carbs and fat a bit, while encouraging protein and fiber). WW doesn't have a diet that says you must eat this or you can't eat that. You can eat anything...but you do have to control how much you eat.

The big advantage of WW for me is not so much the food plan (since it is basically limiting calories), but the power of the weekly meeting and weekly weigh in. Not everyone needs it, but it makes weight loss much easier for me.

On the original question - My husband got to his goal weight a little over a year ago (and was within 5 pounds of it for almost a year before that). He is currently about 7 or 8 pounds below his goal weight. Basically when he got to goal he just kept doing what he was doing. He was content enough to lose about 10 more pounds if he did and was OK to not lose it. There will come a time when what he is eating will cause him to stay in equilibrium and that will be fine. If he gains a couple of pounds now he cuts back a few days.

He has a routine of certain things he eats. Every morning he has the same breakfast. He has the same things for snack 90% of the time. He tracked his foods the last few months before getting to goal (that is how he lost the last 5 pounds) and for the first few months after getting to goal. Now, he doesn't track but mostly because he eats a lot of the same things so knows that he is in range. If he is eating something new, he will look up the calorie count. At a restaurant he will often check before ordering stuff.

He walks for exercise usually several times a week, sometimes outside and sometimes on our treadmill when the weather doesn't permit going outside.

He has a Fitbit to monitor his activity.

[lin43]

Streudel, congratulations on your loss!

Your original post really got my attention. After a while, I sometimes start to feel like Sisyphus with regard to the weight loss thing. I remember when I started yet another weight loss attempt 4 years ago, I felt so beaten down----but I was so disgusted with myself that I just had to do SOMETHING. I started on a "branded" diet (as Ian calls it), stayed on it a week, lost about 5 lbs (estimating--didn't weigh), and then switched to calorie counting until I was at the weight I wanted to be.

Everything was easy peasy for 3 1/2 years. I mean, it seemed as if I could eat whatever I wanted---even have pig-out days a few times a month---with no consequences. At times, my weight would even go down despite eating 2200+ a day! I couldn't believe it.

That all stopped about 6 months ago. I noticed that I was putting on some weight. I only weighed myself once a month (the scale causes me a great deal of anxiety), but I noticed that my clothes were just a tad snugger than they had been. (Of course, I stopped weighing altogether because I couldn't bear to see the damage. That may be the absolute wrong thing to do, but I just cannot face the scale). I couldn't figure it out. Had my metabolism slowed down in just a few years (I know it slows as we age, but could it really be by that much?)? Had my body gotten more efficient at exercise so that now I wasn't burning the same number of calories as I previously had? Was I eating more inadvertently because I had gotten too comfortable and let my good habits slip? I think it was "all of the above." I cut my calories to 2100 a day and have been at that for months, but I don't think I've even lost a pound.

The thing is, I was SURE that I can conquered this beast, but now I'm wondering whether I'll ever conquer it. I think part of the problem is that the motivation I need to continue good habits is brought on by extreme self-disgust, and after I lose weight and am satisfied with myself, that motivator---as bad as it seems as a motivator----goes away.

Also, the older I get, the more rebellious and ornery I get: I don't want to think about food and weight that much, dang it! Yet I know that according to the book Thin for Life, the longterm maintainers are the ones who are somewhat obsessive about it (e.g., daily weighing, weighing and measuring food, etc.). Is that what I'm confined to??? I almost cannot bear it, but the only option seems to be bear it or gain it back. I cannot do IE because I cannot put the genie back in the bottle; my mind is what it is. I've always been a pretty realistic person, and it feels as if I'm b-s-ing myself to pretend to be a normal eater. Besides, IE requires too much thinking about food, and that's one of the main things I despise about dieting.

Anyway, that was a probably unnecessary vent, but I just had to respond to the thread because I connected so much with the original post.

[Georgette]

Originally Posted by lin43

Also, the older I get, the more rebellious and ornery I get: I don't want to think about food and weight that much, dang it! Yet I know that according to the book Thin for Life, the longterm maintainers are the ones who are somewhat obsessive about it (e.g., daily weighing, weighing and measuring food, etc.). Is that what I'm confined to??? I almost cannot bear it, but the only option seems to be bear it or gain it back. I cannot do IE because I cannot put the genie back in the bottle; my mind is what it is. I've always been a pretty realistic person, and it feels as if I'm b-s-ing myself to pretend to be a normal eater. Besides, IE requires too much thinking about food, and that's one of the main things I despise about dieting.

Anyway, that was a probably unnecessary vent, but I just had to respond to the thread because I connected so much with the original post.

I relate to your gripe here! I lost a lot of my weight by not eating certain foods AT ALL, because abstinence was much easier for me than portion control of these foods. One day I just decided I didn't want to do it anymore. And I gained 5 lbs about the second I had the thought! My weight had already crept up a bit...but I wanted another way. Like you, intuitive eating just didn't seem realistic. I wasn't willing to gain it all back in search of that mythical self-knowledge...

I'm going with volumetrics as a strategy for right now. Lots and lots (and lots) of veggies, more fruits, grains and sweets in controlled portions. I like it that the majority of my food is tasty foods I can eat without portion management. And I like it that I can eat anything in a smaller portion as long as the majority of my intake is high veggie, high fruit, high water content.

I hate that I gained back some weight from my initial loss (see my ticker, it's current as of today), but I'm not diving in head-first.

I used to be a once-a-month weigher. I'm trying daily weights now. I didn't think I could do daily weights without feeling insane and obsessive, but I've weighed daily for a month now and it has been ok for me. I just remember that I'm doing this to collect data, not to punish or celebrate. I'm tracking it in excel with a graph that shows a running and linear average. It's interesting to see that Mondays are my high days (after the weekend), then it comes down again. I'm not losing or gaining really at this point, but I can see where the trend will go. It's actually kind of fun!

[lin43]

Georgette, thanks so much for your insights! I don't know much about Volumetrics, but I love fruits and veggies. I think with summer coming, I will have more fresh fruits & veggies available (I eat organic, so the good stuff comes out in the season it's supposed to!). Kudos to you for weighing daily and not minding; I don't think I'm ready for that. I won't just give up as I've done in the past, though, and I'm hoping that will be enough to stave off any more regain.

Good luck with your plan!

[Streudel]

Hi lin43,

Thank you for the kind words.

I don't think your vent was unnecessary at all. In fact, I think it's definitely something to talk about. Fatigue is bound to set in at the different points, including maintenance. You sound like although you're tired, you're not about to give up.

I've also been struggling a bit with the lack of the fierce urgency that not being able to climb a flight of stairs instills in a dieter. I'm also feeling a little rebellious about the calorie counting. And like you, I'm hoping that the fear of reenacting past failures will be enough to keep me plugging away at it.

I just keep telling myself that planning out my meals every day for the rest of my life in no way sucks as much as getting on a scale and realizing you've thrown away everything you worked so hard for.

We can do this. We just have to keep getting up every time we fall down.

[Mrs Snark]

Originally Posted by lin43

The thing is, I was SURE that I can conquered this beast, but now I'm wondering whether I'll ever conquer it. I think part of the problem is that the motivation I need to continue good habits is brought on by extreme self-disgust, and after I lose weight and am satisfied with myself, that motivator---as bad as it seems as a motivator----goes away.

Also, the older I get, the more rebellious and ornery I get: I don't want to think about food and weight that much, dang it! Yet I know that according to the book Thin for Life, the longterm maintainers are the ones who are somewhat obsessive about it (e.g., daily weighing, weighing and measuring food, etc.). Is that what I'm confined to??? I almost cannot bear it, but the only option seems to be bear it or gain it back. I cannot do IE because I cannot put the genie back in the bottle; my mind is what it is. I've always been a pretty realistic person, and it feels as if I'm b-s-ing myself to pretend to be a normal eater. Besides, IE requires too much thinking about food, and that's one of the main things I despise about dieting.

Anyway, that was a probably unnecessary vent, but I just had to respond to the thread because I connected so much with the original post.

Wow, I could have written all of that at various points in my life!

It is helping to stop thinking of weight management as something I will "conquer" or permanently "fix" and to remove value judgments from my "issues" with food. To think of my whole relationship (instead of issues) with food as personal, and individual, and unique, and quirky, and totally OKAY. This is just who I am and it really is OKAY .

I haven't met that many "normal" eaters anyway, and being "normal" is overrated to boot.

Personally, I am shooting for "happy awareness" versus "obsessive vigilance", because I just don't do well with with ANYTHING I obsess over. It can be a delicate balance, I agree. I think it takes practice, and time, and introspection, and reflection, and flexibility, and self-like-maybe-self-love, and support...

I used to think of it all as a battle. And maybe that approach is helpful in the beginning phases. But it was an exhausting attitude in maintenance (for me).

[lin43]

Originally Posted by Mrs Snark

Wow, I could have written all of that at various points in my life!

It is helping to stop thinking of weight management as something I will "conquer" or permanently "fix" and to remove value judgments from my "issues" with food. To think of my whole relationship (instead of issues) with food as personal, and individual, and unique, and quirky, and totally OKAY. This is just who I am and it really is OKAY .

I haven't met that many "normal" eaters anyway, and being "normal" is overrated to boot.

Personally, I am shooting for "happy awareness" versus "obsessive vigilance", because I just don't do well with with ANYTHING I obsess over. It can be a delicate balance, I agree. I think it takes practice, and time, and introspection, and reflection, and flexibility, and self-like-maybe-self-love, and support...

I used to think of it all as a battle. And maybe that approach is helpful in the beginning phases. But it was an exhausting attitude in maintenance (for me).

Sorry for replying to this so late; I didn't see it until today. I take your point, Mrs. Snark and will keep it in mind. Actually, I have started becoming more aware of my quirks and using them. For instance, for the past month or so, I have resisted buying snacks and dessert while grocery shopping. The reason for that is that I feel weak, and I know that no matter how much I promise myself that I'll eat those snacks in moderation, the truth is that I'll end up eating most of it in one or two sittings and possibly throwing out the last 1/4 of it to prevent the bad feeling of having eaten it all or to save myself the struggle of continued resistance. Knowing my pattern, I just haven't bought any. At times, I feel I could cry because I want something sweet after dinner, and I have chowed down on a box of raisins or two to satisfy my sweet tooth, but that's not nearly as bad as a pint of ice-cream.

[Lunula]

Congrats on your loss, Streudel! I've read this post on and off since you originally started it, and thought I'd add my 2c.

My highest (recorded) weight was 230 and I am 5'6. I lost most of the weight in 2011 and I've maintained since then - already halfway through my 4th year.

I'll tell you, what separates me from the "gained it back" crowd (I've been part of that crowd in the past) isn't a weight loss plan, or even what I eat or how much I exercise - anyone can do that. For me, it's attitude. I finally know, with every cell of my being, that I can never go back to eating the way I "used to" and still maintain a healthy weight. A lot of people will say that, but they don't really believe it, they don't live it and thus, they gain it back because they let old (dumb) habits creep back in.

In conjunction with that, I don't make excuses anymore. I gotta say, I cannot stand reading posts that blame weight gain on "my time of the month" or going on birth control pills, starting a new job, breaking up with a partner, etc., etc., etc. That's called life.

I had total knee replacement this past December (at the ripe old age of 43), and instead of using my surgery as an excuse for the couple of pounds I've put on (which are already coming off!) - I've had to adjust my diet more than usual - can't be active, then I have to reduce my calories. It's that simple. I take part in a total knee replacement forum, also, and it drives me crazy to read so many people blaming overweightness on their bad knees. If you can't exercise, you have to adjust your diet more. Plain & simple. Fun? No. But that's just how it is.

There are definitely people on medications or with medical conditions that justifiably prevent them from losing, or make them gain - but I doubt that accounts for very many people.

When I used to let myself try and justify why I gained weight, it was so much easier to just accept it and do nothing about it. The only excuse I have now...I wasn't careful with what I ate and how active I was. If I can't be as active, I have to be even more careful with food. I used to look for all those "hidden reasons" - oh, it's my depression, I'm not motivated, my job sucks, I had a fight with my husband, I went on new medication, I took a business trip and I couldn't stay on my plan... All just excuses!

Those two things have honestly been the biggest two "changes" between this weight loss (and subsequent maintenance) and all my past weight losses (there've been a few). Perhaps it's because I'm older now, more mature and am better able to be honest with myself, I dunno. Just happy I made the changes when I did, my life has been infinitely better these last 4.5 years!

[JohnKY]

I think this is a great question for maintainers and one I have often asked myself.

I can see a big contrast between my many failed approaches at sustainable weight loss and the evolving approach that happened to work well enough for us to hit goal and keep maintaining.

Several things stand out.

We knew we had to make effective change we could live with. We worked out that food choice was very important to our satiety. That our choices had a large role in how soon and how much we would be compelled to eat next. We made a maintenance lifestyle part of who we were. There is a self-identity and self-efficacy element to successful lifestyle change that needs more exploration.

Practically, we knew what was at stake. My obesity had serious negative impacts on my health. Our changes and resulting weight loss had a profound positive effect. I was and am very mindful that I have a long way to fall.

We learned to pay close attention to ourselves and examine at the results of what we are doing lately. We have different styles of self-monitoring. Marti logs most everything. I tend to eyeball, but do pay close attention to how clothes fit, and do occasional food and exercise logging as a spot-check.

We also do our best to respond immediately if anything is not working as well as it might or is getting stale. Everybody is different. Trial and error to find what works in the long-term is vital.

This is important stuff. We enjoy our health and the ability to be active. It's been helpful to acknowledge it's been a well worthwhile goal to bend our lives around.

Our much less sustainable, much less effective attempts took far less into account and instead focused mainly on caloric restriction and increased exercise. Which alone only made us frustrated yo-yo'ers.