Thanks, Bargoo. It hasn't been a good week at all. DSS is on vacation with XW right now and won't be back until Saturday. He's had a lot of mortality to deal with in the last few years for someone so young, I don't know how he will take it.
My eldest dd had a very difficult time when our pet cat died. She was about three. We ended up going to a little counseling which helped her.
I am going to be facing a minefield of food next week. During my book fair we are having special events (with food) every day! We have Donuts for Dads, Muffins for Moms, Goodies for Grands, and a Kindergarten Tea. I'm busy organizing all of the food and realizing I better bring plenty of healthy snacks so I won't be tempted!
I am going to be facing a minefield of food next week. During my book fair we are having special events (with food) every day! We have Donuts for Dads, Muffins for Moms, Goodies for Grands, and a Kindergarten Tea. I'm busy organizing all of the food and realizing I better bring plenty of healthy snacks so I won't be tempted!
I'm sure you'll do just fine.
Good luck with the Book fair!!!
The only thing that I'm frustrated about is that I was SURE that I would get back in time to work out, since I usually workout over my lunch hour. It ended up being a 2 hour lunch (!!) and I just got back - so I don't have time to work out before leaving for the nutritionist appointment. So now I have a ton of anxiety.
I don't handle change of plans very well at all, and since this was a last minute notice I'm not handling it well. That sounds so stupid when I read it, but it's true.
Jen
Jen, of course I recognize myself in your post. It's one of my long-running problems, and one that I most frequently talk about with Michele, about my rigid adherence to my exercise routine, and also with Shannon.
I have to think that there's something perilous about undertaking the tremendous effort of losing a lot of weight & maintaining that loss, and creating a highly structured life to accomplish that task -- and then, having created a new body through one's will, to feel overly defensive about anything that threatens that structure & order, because it also seems to threaten the body and what we perceive as the new, better life we've created. With me, I feel it leaves the rational realm and enters that of ritual behavior & magical, almost superstitious, thinking, for the same reason, that I am a very frightened person seeking something protective. I perceive my exercise routine and keeping to foods that I consider benign to afford me that protection. (Of course, it does not ... and I confuse my bodily state with my emotional state & my state of mind.)
I recognize that my behavior shows I've got an eating disorder, though not as severe as the one that I developed many years ago, under similar circumstances, after losing about 90 pounds and wanting to get below 110 lbs and then under 100 lbs. My life is far less impaired than it was then, and I struggle consciously with my rigidity, and I talk about it here.
I also don't know how people are supposed to live when they are among the Reduced Obese, and have lost over 100 pounds. What in God's name is normal behavior then? Are there people who are able to make that radical change without some form of psychological disruption and suffering some vertigo from being, in effect, disembodied?
All this is a long way of saying, I sooo relate to you, and if I knew you personally, I'd be a kind of enabler, because your behavior seems so close to mine that it seems normal. How to post back to you and help you without being an enabler? When I, myself, am not sure sometimes that I want to "get better" because I fear that means regaining a large amount of weight?
Shannon, I am so very sorry about the cat (of course, I am thinking instantly & fearfully of Fritz, who is, after all, getting old) and I am also sorry that this grief and upset is circling back around to your stepson, who is the perennial subject of your concerns. I am hoping that, in comforting him, you get some closeness and maybe one good, true moment in the midst of the pain. After all, people who grieve are the ones who know how to love and how to become attached ... and those are good things, aren't they? Loving something is so risky. I think when we get pets, we are implicitly agreeing their eventual loss is worth the joy we get in the meantime.
Kind of like me trying to make my apartment as nice & comfortable as possible, even though I know that, without a floodwall, I could lose it this coming spring. I try to live for now. (Of course, I can't -- I'm fully & truly a Westerner, no Buddhist at all.)
Many of you know I had to put down my beloved Sparky just a year ago. I have thought I can't go through this again and the way to insure that is to never own another dog. The last few months , though I have started thinking about getting another dog and have inquired and sent in applications to different organizations, but something always interferes and that dog that I am interested in suddenly becomes unavailable. This is not an accident , I know that fear of potential loss somehow stops me at the last minute. I am trying to overcome this as the joy a pet brings you is worth the risk.
God, I love you guys and being able to talk this stuff out! I have a co-worker/friend who is so supportive and tries to understand, but I know sometimes she thinks I'm nuts.
Saef, I so appreciate your well thought out and well articulated post!!! I tend to downplay the tremendous change I've made, and I think that when I was fat I honestly believed that IF I ever got thin it would solely be a physical change and would have no emotional/mental effect.
Boy was I wrong! I'm trying to remain optimistic that this, too, is temporary, and I can eventually just be normal - whatever the **** that is!
I am going to be facing a minefield of food next week. During my book fair we are having special events (with food) every day! We have Donuts for Dads, Muffins for Moms, Goodies for Grands, and a Kindergarten Tea. I'm busy organizing all of the food and realizing I better bring plenty of healthy snacks so I won't be tempted!
How about Daisies for Dads, Apples for Annie, Pumpkins for Peter? Who picks the food for these things?
Jen, I was going to post that I also have great trouble with changes to my routine, but that thought made me realize I've gotten slightly better at adjusting my expectations. This is probably a good thing for me. I'm a type-A planner and overachiever in some respects, got to have my healthy food and 2 hour workouts and the rest of my life planned to a T to make sure the healthy parts actually happen. Over the past 3 years I've had to be more flexible in some ways. Work has gotten busier and I got a dog, too, so I've learned that sometimes if I've got only 45 minutes to just throw on my sneakers and walk for "only" 45 minutes with the dog, and accept that it's better than no exercise for both of us. Workouts in particular I've just had to cut back a lot, but I just try to get them in where I can.
Sorry to talk about me when I'm talking about you. But I do understand. Sometimes life, work, the dog, kids, etc. interfere with our workout schedules and there is nothing we can do. Other times we just need to have a gym bag ready in the car "just in case" and sometimes we will be able to get that workout in. Regarding the dietician wanting you to increase your food intake, she may have some point, but I think you probably know what works for your body. When you went on maintenance did you increase what you ate? Maybe you could add an extra 100 cals/per day/per week, slowly increase if you're interested in trying her theory, and go from there. If you start to gain, you can stop! 700 extra calories a week can't make the scale skyrocket. Or if you don't want to count numbers, add an extra quarter avocado, 1/2 oz raw nuts, extra fruit serving, something like that instead.
Bargoo, in my experience when I've truly opened myself up to getting a dog one has found me. It's happened twice. It's funny how the universe works. When you're ready, you will find the right dog, or it will find you.
Allison, how do they force you to fill out the paperwork to give you a competitive bid? If you aren't interested, don't fill it out!
Saef, I've been meaning to ask, how do you like the liquid aminos? How have you been using it? Have you been subbing in things you would use soy sauce in?
Shannon, s for DH. He's had a rough couple of weeks.
I finally got 8.5 hours of sleep last night, the most I've gotten all week, and I feel so much better today. On a Friday, go figure. Yesterday at 4 PM I realized I had been so tired in the AM I forgot to drink my coffee . I have high hopes of actually going to the gym tonight for the first time this week. This weekend I really need to clean the house. BF also rebuilt my garden beds this week, so hopefully he will be able to pick up soil & compost for me to spread tomorrow, and hopefully I'll meet with a cast member or two to work on lines. The only social activity planned is a friend's birthday celebration tonight. After the gym, gosh darn it!
I tend to downplay the tremendous change I've made, and I think that when I was fat I honestly believed that IF I ever got thin it would solely be a physical change and would have no emotional/mental effect.
Boy was I wrong!
You know, I have been two or three pounds over my "goal weight" (for WW) for about six months. Yesterday I weighed in and was back at my goal weight. Ever since then I have been completely shocked at the mental load that has taken off my shoulders. I did not realize those two or three pounds bothered me so much. I feel like a new person.
At one point I was 20 pounds below where I am now, and my goal is to get back there - I had never been there before in my life...since 8th grade...and, now that I think about it, I was completely freaked out over it. I'm realizing more and more what a mental change it is as well as a physical change. It's been two years since I reached lifetime with WW, and I would say I am maybe halfway to figuring this thing out.
Oh, Megan I understand about the "right' dog my problem is the fear of potentially having to lose one again. I am fighting a battle with myself , on one hand I really miss having a dog on the other hand I am afraid to take the risk, so much pain can be involved. I do plan on doing it, though. I had given away every bit of dog equipment I had , I have nothing for a dog. The other day I bought a water bowl and a food dish, I'm moving in the right direction.
Thanks Shannon for your encouraging words!
Michele, The whole snack thing for the public is so interesting. We eat well and have come to enjoy fresh fruits instead of baked goods, veggies instead of nacho cheese dip, etc, at least most of the time. Then we serve the old carby snacks to friends and colleagues. I plead guilty to this: my 59th birthday is coming up, and we're having an Italian theme at my party. A live opera singer, then everyone sings Funculi Funicula, then we all eat... a spread of traditional Italian food and red wine and a chocolate sour cream cake! Some years we have served lighter fare, but not this time. I accept it as a break in my routine for a special occasion, but for lesser events when family is just coming to visit or whatever, we try to serve things that are more in line with how both Karen and I eat regularly. I think at least some people in these gatherings would appreciate at least some things that are wholesome so they can make that choice?
Megan, I've been using the liquid aminos for soy sauce, yes, but also in dishes where I want a somewhat salty, savory flavor. For example, when I've made soup recently, I made up for a low-salt, fat-free canned broth by adding a little of this stuff. It doesn't take much, as it's pretty potent.
Pageta, being at an "acceptable" weight, and having a normal, unexceptional body, when you have felt "unacceptable" for years -- that is more than enough to profoundly affect one's self-image and whole psyche. I think one reason that I am such an overachiever & so hard on myself is that I have been overcompensating for all my perceived deficiencies. And so what if, one day, the deficiency that was most visible to the world disappeared? When I lost weight, I suddenly received the big payout, my dividend in Thin White Woman's Privilege. And like lots of lottery winners, the riches blew my mind. I have become paranoid about protecting it at all costs, because now, in my mind, it's the only thing that keeps me from reverting back to my former, far less powerful state of being. That seems to mean guarding the rituals & routines that brought it about. Which can make me a prisoner of my self-created rituals.
Some deep thoughts expressed this morning. I wish I had more time to reflect and comment.
Pagenta-- I am with you on just a couple of pounds making such a difference mentally. My "happy" weight is 118-120. I am also lifetime with WW and my minimum weight with them is 120, so when I got below that I allowed myself a little creep room. Before I knew it, I was at or over my "red line" of 125. I'm having a heck of a time getting back down closer to 120 where I'm the happiest-- and I was there for about 2 years. Yesterday I was 123.6 and today 123.0 and I feel so much better than when I was 125. I'm sure most of it is mental, but my clothes fit better, I see less pudge in my tummy, etc. It always amazes me and disturbs me a bit too that I allow myself to get so wrapped up in a number.
Megan-- the Donuts for Dads, etc. are ideas that Scholastic promotes so we are giving them a try-- they were catchy. We haven't done them before. I would love to have healthier treats but we have already been begging the parents for the treats we are getting so I hate to ask for anything else. I would get fruit myself but I'm trying not to spend any more $$ out of my own pocket.
The last few months , though I have started thinking about getting another dog and have inquired and sent in applications to different organizations, but something always interferes and that dog that I am interested in suddenly becomes unavailable.
Isn't that a bummer? When I was looking for a dog, it seemed like the organization "pushed" me towards some dogs that I was not interested in and "pulled me away" from those I wanted. Is it weird to like one dog's photo and description and dislike another? I don't think so--it's kind of a gut reaction. But it was awfully depressing to have my heart set on one dog only to be told no for one reason or another.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Megan1982
Allison, how do they force you to fill out the paperwork to give you a competitive bid? If you aren't interested, don't fill it out!
I wish I had. I guess it's common knowledge in the insurance brokerage world when a company's insurance is due for renewal. I have gotten at least a dozen calls, faxes and emails offering to give me a competitive bid. When I talked to my broker, I told him about this guy and he said not to accept any other comp bids because it would lock him out of getting a bid for us--and he's looking, too. I guess a lot of w/c companies will only supply ONE broker with a bid, so it's first come first served and if my broker is 2nd, he can't get a bid for me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by saef
Megan, I've been using the liquid aminos for soy sauce, yes, but also in dishes where I want a somewhat salty, savory flavor. For example, when I've made soup recently, I made up for a low-salt, fat-free canned broth by adding a little of this stuff. It doesn't take much, as it's pretty potent.
Where does one get aminos? I assume it's a liquid?
Allison, I got my liquid aminos from Whole Foods, thinking there was no other local source for them, but I have since seen them in another more conventional, really big, well-stocked grocery store. Try a place with a big condiments section.
I swear, when I read your post about dogs, it reminded me an awful lot of the posts that I'm reading from a friend at work who's been using online dating sites extensively, seeking a girlfriend. (A job that, in a weird call, he rejected me for without my having applied for it ... he & I have a history, though, so that may not be the end of that.) Anyway, his comments about those who attract him, and those he ends up finally meeting, sound so very much like some peoples' search for a dog. Before he was ready to date, he had to do a lot of the same mental work. Because it's a risk. And because it involves giving yourself and opening up in much the same way. Same damn thing, really, I guess.
Sorry to talk about me when I'm talking about you. But I do understand. Sometimes life, work, the dog, kids, etc. interfere with our workout schedules and there is nothing we can do. Other times we just need to have a gym bag ready in the car "just in case" and sometimes we will be able to get that workout in. Regarding the dietician wanting you to increase your food intake, she may have some point, but I think you probably know what works for your body. When you went on maintenance did you increase what you ate? Maybe you could add an extra 100 cals/per day/per week, slowly increase if you're interested in trying her theory, and go from there. If you start to gain, you can stop! 700 extra calories a week can't make the scale skyrocket. Or if you don't want to count numbers, add an extra quarter avocado, 1/2 oz raw nuts, extra fruit serving, something like that instead.
I did increase my calories when I hit maintenance - by about 100 calories per day. I think your advice is good - as I said, we went apple picking over the weekend so I've been having an apple per day - which, since they are big, adds probably, what? 80 calories per day above what I have been eating?
Since I still feel energetic and I'm not close to that 115 mark, I feel okay just experimenting and seeing what works. At least I feel that way intellectually - emotionally is a whole other issue!
But I do understand. Sometimes life, work, the dog, kids, etc. interfere with our workout schedules and there is nothing we can do. Other times we just need to have a gym bag ready in the car "just in case" and sometimes we will be able to get that workout in. Regarding the dietician wanting you to increase your food intake, she may have some point, but I think you probably know what works for your body. When you went on maintenance did you increase what you ate? Maybe you could add an extra 100 cals/per day/per week, slowly increase if you're interested in trying her theory, and go from there. If you start to gain, you can stop! 700 extra calories a week can't make the scale skyrocket. Or if you don't want to count numbers, add an extra quarter avocado, 1/2 oz raw nuts, extra fruit serving, something like that instead.
s for DH. He's had a rough couple of weeks.
. I have high hopes of actually going to the gym tonight for the first time this week. This weekend I really need to clean the house. BF also rebuilt my garden beds this week, so hopefully he will be able to pick up soil & compost for me to spread tomorrow, and hopefully I'll meet with a cast member or two to work on lines. The only social activity planned is a friend's birthday celebration tonight. After the gym, gosh darn it!
