...I don't mean your diet plan, I mean mentally what did you do? How were you able to tell yourself "no" when you wanted to say "YES"? Do you think that you'll be able to do it for the rest of your life?

These questions may seem odd, but I am actually questioning whether we tend to take the easy way out and don't ever want to really feel any physical or emotional discomfort. I have noticed a big push on this forum where everyone is expected to walk on eggshells and not say what they might really be thinking.

I don't know about anyone else, but I didn't get this far and maintain for this long by babying myself and people telling me only what I wanted to hear. That type of thinking was what got me to morbidly obese in the first place. There is a difference between someone calling you a fata** and giving you tough love.

Was there a point where you finally started getting honest with yourself and realized that in order to change your life you were going to have to white knuckle it through some discomfort?

I hope it's ok to discuss this topic on this part of the forum, since I am a maintainer and have been for more than "just a few months".

It's OK to discuss this topic with me, I can't speak for anyone else.
How do I say NO when I want to say Yes ? Sometimes I fail at that but I really do not want to be over 200 pounds again.
Was there a point where I got honest with myself ? Oh, yes, many times LOL.
I could lose weight I didn't know how to keep it off. When I reached goal weight I asked long time maintainers how they did it . They said they kept it off the same way they lost it. This was a revolution to me. I figured They knew something I didn't so followed their lead. I still count calories, still plan my menus ahead if time, still keep a food diary. I can't say that I never slip, I do, but the thought of having to wear extra size clothing again and then having to start another diet is enough to keep me going.
To me the easy way out means a steady rise upward on my scale, no thanks !

Absolutely okay to discuss with me as well, though I need to organize my thoughts and reply when I get home and settled.

milmin, I don't see you espousing your political views anywhere or calling people derogatory slurs, so of course this is OK to discuss :P

My journey has been different. I do not discuss my personal habits or goals with people outside of the Internet, nor did I have to lose a very large amount of weight.

I feel like how I eat now could very well be how I eat forever. I have conditioned myself to dislike the sensation of a sugar rush. That is a HUGE step for me. Wanting more of XYZ dessert is drowned out by not wanting to feel that sugary jitteriness and head fog I associate with overdoing it.

My relationship with food, previously, was very much an addictive behavior. I'd overindulge in certain things, feel awful... feel withdrawl... and do it again to feel normal.

I had to retrain my body and my thinking. There are certain things I simply can't have. It doesn't feel like deprivation because those things weren't adding to my health, they were making me feel like garbage.

I refuse to treat my body like a garbage bin. It's just not fun. Once I realized I was doing it, it was so much easier to just walk away from temptation.

I think 3FC is a terrific place. I have had great success being here. I realize that everyone needs different types of encouragement. I think that the biggest change for me this time is that I stopped babying myself and stopped thinking that just because I live in America, everything should be easy for me. I should never have to get out of bed and be a bit uncomfortable with exercise. I should never have to say "no" to the box of donuts someone brings in. There should be some magic pill, diet, or surgery that will easily fix all of this and make me instantly skinny and *perfect*.

I have done boat-loads of research on maintenance. I have read and watched every single thing I can get my hands on. I have forced myself to be extremely uncomfortable just so that I could see that I could withstand it. I used to think I couldn't even be hungry for a few minutes or I would die. I used to think that if I didn't eat a cupcake when everyone else was having one, that I was somehow bad and needed punishing.

But, I have to say, for me, being in a prison of my own making and living inside a broken, fat body was the biggest punishment in the world. I have survived through 4 brain surgeries, while awake, and therefore I have had to learn how to meditate to remove myself from my cirumstances for a while. Therefore, although it crossed my mind to go for WLS, it was never a serious thought because I didn't wish to have my body chopped apart in any other way, especially when I had control, I just had to pull it out and use it.

Just my opinion, but I think we have so many excuses in this country. Most of them are nothing more than that, excuses. How can it be that every overweight person has some tragic example from their past, or even if they do, why have we made it ok to use it as a reason for our gluttony? I know that these are not popular statements, but it's been bugging me for a while and I hope that a few people here might understand what I'm saying.

My initial goal was to "lose the weight no matter how long it takes and never gain it back."

Once I made the goal, I was pretty sure I'd do it. I tend to do the things I set my mind to. For me the hard part was getting to that point. Once I made that decision, I was going to stick with it regardless of how hard it was, and it was hard at times for sure. I don't think anyone would ever call losing 120 lb easy.

For me, getting to the point of wanting to start was not about tough love. I had been extremely hard on myself all my life about my weight. Calling myself names in my head, berating myself for eating so much and feeling worthless for being fat. Getting to the point of wanting to change for me meant learning SELF love, and my boyfriend really helped me with that. He helped me realize that there was a lot of me to love, and that weight isn't the most important thing about a person. Once I started thinking, yeah, I'm a good person even if I am heavy, that's when I started really thinking about committing to taking care of myself. No more crash dieting. No more yo yo. No more extremes. No more all-or-nothing. No more beating myself up.

Maintaining almost 2 years now

It's harsh, but I think you're right. We have to teach ourselves not to use personal tragedy as an excuse for self abuse! Because, at the core, overeating IS self abuse. It's OK to overcome, adapt, and come out stronger than before.

I also think the only person who truly knows if you are making excuses is you. And thinking that others are making excuses for themselves is, frankly, a waste of time. If people feel judged and put down, they clam up and are not receptive to hearing encouragement. In other words "get up off your fat lazy *** you lazy fattie" which we hear so much, is usually counter-productive. I know that such talk always made me retreat and give up, personally.

Rather than spending time thinking negative things about other people's choices, I think it is best to spend that energy doing positive things for ourselves.

I've only been maintaining for eight months, but it hasn't been at horrible as I thought it would be. It does require daily food choice evaluations, and I set a monthly goal of working out fifteen times a month, but that's it.

I have my low days, where I feel like I just want to eat a big something, and a few times I have...and then felt like crap. Lol it was always a reminder that my odu doesn't even like that junk, and certainly can't function properly with that type of "fuel".

My reality was admitting that I thought I deserved treats everyday, all the time. Stressful day? Starbucks! And I was "stressed" everyday. I love to cook, and the best part is eating it, right? Mostly I had to get over the idea of feeling privileged to be able to do whatever the heck I wanted, including food choices. That was a pretty harsh realization, but it has spilled over to other aspects of my life, so recognizing it has helped me in more areas than just weight loss.

I don't feel like I am doing anything extreme for my maintenance. 1800+ calories per day and every other day exercise, on average. What I don't like, and have yet to come to terms with, is the never ending thought process of what I will eat, what I have eaten, etc. but in order to stay on track, I do have to keep a running tally in my mind at all times. It it a very small price to pay for feeling and looking the way that I do now, IMHO.

I could have written this post almost to a T---right down to the amount of time you've been on maintenance. Like you, maintaining hasn't been as arduous as I thought it would be once I learned a few strategies (e.g., not keeping too many goodies in the house).

To the OP, I agree with you, but I think the problem is even broader than just weight. I think, as a country, we've gotten soft, making excuses for ourselves at every turn. But I won't go there. I'll just say that it is unfortunate. I think accepting reality is hard, but once we've done that, then it makes keeping the weight off easier.

Interesting. I sometimes feel like a bit of an outlier on this forum, for a slightly different reason. I can't relate to all the talk about steel-cut oats, steamed broccoli, broiled fish, doggie bags in restaurants, and staying away from carbs. I can't relate to the claim that eating sugar causes sluggishness, bloating or queasiness. I have an iron stomach and can eat absolutely anything without feeling any ill-effects. I can't relate to the narrow goal of "eating to live" rather than "living to eat." I want to do both!

I have a hearty appetite and I love exotic/gourmet food. Left my own devices I could easily eat 4,000 calories a day. That's another thing I can't relate to -- all the people who say they feel full after 1,500 calories, or have trouble reaching their caloric allotment. I prefer to admit that, for me, there's a real LOSS involved in maintaining a lower weight. I need to average about 2,000 calories a day, rather than 4,000. I find it helpful to acknowledge the loss rather than pretend it doesn't exist. I remind myself that it's a choice I'm making: looking better and being healthier vs. the high of unbridled eating. It's definitely worth it, or I wouldn't be doing it. But it's still a trade-off.

Freelance

Mostly I hang out on this board within the forum, so I may not have had the same experience here as you have. I feel free to say what I think, and from what I've seen, other people pretty much say what they think ... that is, within the bounds of tactfulness and respectfulness. Responses seem to me to vary widely, as widely as peoples' personalities do. I've seen posts get "tough love" answers. And some people posting have been upset by posts that really aren't that tough -- in my view, anyway.

The thing about this particular board is that we don't get a lot of drive-bys. By now, I am familiar with a lot of the styles of the various people posting here & know where they are on the "tough love" or (what would the opposite be ?) spectrum. It is helpful to me to get that whole range of responses. I never know what my inner brat most needs or will respond to, till I actually read it. And I can't say this enough -- I am grateful that "strangers" are willing to spend time listening to my problems and writing up thoughtful answers. I try to pay back in kind. The tenor of their posts often guides me in the tone that I use in response. I want to help them more than I want to assert my personality or my own particular way of doing things.

I am learning to hang out on this board more as well. It's difficult to hurt my feelings, so maybe that's why I am not as tactful as I should be, at times. I realize I am only speaking for myself here, but I need to have an occasional kick in the butt. I truly feel that babying myself and other people babying me is how I found my way into the really overweight category.

I have been here more than 2 years now, and I am still learning people's writing styles. I don't want to walk on eggshells, I really don't. I have always felt a great deal of comaradarie here.

I've only been maintaining a few months, so I don't know if you want to hear from me

However, it was "tough love" that got me losing weight in the first place. Enough of the excuses paraded all over the place. I wasn't "built this way," I don't have a slow metabolism and I wasn't "eating right" and just not losing weight. I said to myself: "self, you're fat because you eat too much" and long story short here I am.

I don't care anymore if I offend others with my lifestyle now. I yell at people if they continue to offer me food I don't want, I will refuse things that don't fit into my calorie count or are of questionable origin, and I'm not going to eat something just to be "nice."

I've lost some friends along the way, but I figure my health is more important.