Redpanda What an odd phrase for people to use when they see your positive behaviours - "health nut".

I was walking a client's dog through a local ravine yesterday. There was a young man running along the trails. Wearing shorts and a t shirt :love:. I later spied him jetting up and down an exit staircase (8 sets of 10 steps each from top to bottom). He stopped for a drink of water and I asked him if he were training for anything in particular. He shook his head and said "nah, just wanta be fit".

Nuts? Hardly.

Dagmar :shrug:

I'm not saying that everyone gives up on maintenance or that they don't need to pay attention to weight--just saying that people do leave 3FC and stop talking about these topics in real life as well.

I guess a parallel would be my experience with alcohol. Of course it's not an exact match--I realize that. I stopped drinking about a hundred years ago. At first it was very hard, and for years I attended certain "12 step" meetings frequently. I really needed that support. It helped me tremendously.

But, fast forward to today, and alcohol is just no longer an issue. I don't have to think about it. I have been through lots of things--breakups, moves across country, car accidents, deaths of parents and others--without "having" to drink because of them. I am a nondrinker, and that's the end of it.

The part that's parallel to weight issues is that I don't go to those meetings now, I don't hang out in 12-step forums, and I don't talk about drinking except to say "No thanks" when alcohol is offered. There's really nothing to say!

I haven't found the "magic secret" to avoiding slow weight regain, but I don't see any signs that I'm going to find it on these boards. And, it may not exist. Doesn't mean I've given up--just that I'm looking elsewhere.

Jay

Jay, I'm not giving up either. One of my friends that lives 1.5 hours away from me was lamenting the fact that she has the same trouble with friends too. Is it because people are so into their tech devices that they're no longer interested in face time with others? I'm starting to think this may be the case. And it's not just younger people, people my age (49) can be just as obsessed with their phones/laptops/tvs...

This is also true for me. ;)

Stopping drinking is hard - took me 10 years. Again the bottle was a substitute for companionship, just as the food is. For me the rare time I get to spend an evening with people really does confirm how lonely I am. And have been most of my life.

I'm beginning to think that is the norm these days, particularly for people living in large urban centres. So companionship online is the next best thing. For me.

Dagmar

I've had a very similar experience with the forums and I barely lurk anymore, because I get so exhausted seeing the same thing over and over, and also I get tired of seeing some very bad advice thrown around.

I've also had a very similar experience with my IRL friends...I have NO I mean zero IRL friends who can share or support my maintenance journey...or help me and understand the difficulty of the continuous struggles with food. Untill recently.

I know you don't count calories anymore, but there is a website called MyFitnessPal. It's mostly for tracking, but you can also track your exercise and obtain "friends" and it's set up much like facebook. I've been on it for about a year and in the last 5 months or so I've become extremely close with 5 other women who have very similar stories to mine. So close that we've all exchanged phone numbers and facebook accounts and now talk almost everyday. So yes, it's all tech and virtual....we've never met, but I tell you I feel closer to these women than I do to most of my IRL friends. We've become so close as a group that we are all coming together from different parts of the country to run a half marathon together in October!

Sometimes we have to look in unexpected places. I hope you can find someone, cause I understand how lonely it is...maintenance is tough. Should you decide to check out myfitnesspal, friend me my user name is ncuneo. I'd love to help you find some people who you can connect with.

This thread has really got me thinking about how people IRL don't understand and how tough it's going to be for me when I get there. Nearly there, but not quite...:)

Silly example - I've recently started dating someone and he's absolutely super-fit, never been overweight in his life. He knows I've lost a lot of weight (but not yet the whole story) yet he simply doesn't seem to "get" why I don't want to go out for Chinese 3 times a week or why I keep telling him to stop buying me chocolate etc. He says it won't do any harm as "I get plenty of exercise". Yea well...that exercise that I do every week is to help try and tone my flabby bits and not counteract the junk he keeps trying to feed me. Just because he can get away with it, doesn't mean I can or want to.

This example might sound silly, but it's making me realise that I'm not suddenly at the end of the road...just that a whole new tough one is ahead of me.

As embarrasing as it might be to show them to someone you don't know well yet, before and after photos sometimes do a great job of convincing someone to stop pushing food at you. And they also show how strong and determined you are to have lost that amount of weight!

Dagmar :dizzy:

Oh yeah, the first thing I'd do is pull out a "before" photo. :eek: That would be a perfect way to end a dating relationship... :p

No one should have to explain to anyone why they are making the food choices they are making. All anyone has to say is, "No, I don't think I want Chinese again tonight," and come up with an alternative if possible. Flashing photos at someone you've recently begun dating seems like TMI to me.

Jay

I agree with Jay.

Elliemar - if your new boyfriend is "absolutely super-fit" he must know a lot of other people who are very careful about their diet.