allison - congrats on the "new" pants! Absolutely agree with you about pasta. We had beef stroganoff last night, and I really had to think hard about how much to take. Especially after watching DS12 wolf down his second plate-sized helping :cry: ... I didn't feel a lot better about my 1/2 cup of pasta.

I never came back and posted the diagnosis we received for DSS on Tuesday. He is off the chain smart with some impulse control. Like really crazy smart, IQ wise. She ranked him in the 95.5% percentile, and that was with failing to complete the last half of one of the tests because he thought it was stupid. She thinks if he had finished it he would have scored in the 98% percentile. I think the adjusted max score for his age is 140 and he scored in the 137 range? Crazy smart. Which has been obvious all along - he has a much better grasp of adult topics than most 7 year olds. So no ADHD, some traits of ODD but not diagnosed with it. Impulse control problems, some of which come from not being taught any boundaries I imagine. She also said that he seems to be hearing language in the home that devalues the importance of his schoolwork and makes him even more likely to not want to complete it.XW denied doing that, but then got a little defensive and says "I've told him that I have to do boring things at work, he will have to do boring things sometimes, too." Right, like that is a good message.

And she is keeping him with her again tonight instead of letting us keep him during her class like we've done for six years. Says "No need for you to keep S tomorrow night, he doesn't have camp on Friday and I have a special Easter egg hunt planned for him when he wakes up in the morning." And she gave him back his cartoons that had been taken away as part of his punishment on Monday night. So our above average intelligence child has been told yet again that it doesn't matter how much trouble he is in, if he waits it out he'll get whatever he wants because mommy isn't consistent for whatever reason. Be it boredom, unwillingness to limit herself during that time, whatever.

So there we are.

Becky, 1/2 cup of anything is just too little. that is why I measure and/or weigh my meals. 1/2 cup usually turns into 1 cup but that is OK if I allow myself the calories of 1 cup. I know some people think counting calories is a drag but it works for me.
I saw a picture of new granddaughter Faith gettng weighed for the first time, she is crying at full throttle. I know the feeling, I want to cry when I get on the scale at times, too. That is why I count calories.

Shannon, I have known all along that your DSS is a very smart boy, he is obviously smarter than his mother and he knows it. I don't know what the answer is when you get no cooperation from her. I know you are trying your best and I applaud you for it, I'm afraid my patience would have given out long ago.

Bargoo - I feel like Faith on the scale, too. :)

I am so wonky. Yesterday I picked Emma up from doggy daycare, brought her home, and fell asleep. I skipped yoga and a NRLW workout. :dizzy: Apparently I was really tired... anyway, well rested now and planning a NRLW for tonight. After a two-week "blip" the scale has finally returned to its March (and February) levels. Holding steady is good, but I'll try and make it go down, even better.

I usually do what Saef does with my cold coffee. Brew, let it cool, then put in fridge. I will definitely try the other method to see the difference once I buy a new pitcher to brew it in. I looked around my kitchen last night and my pitchers seem to have walked off.

Shannon, you've alluded to it before but it sounds like the ex is one of the big factors here with her lack of consequences for DSS's actions. DSS is lucky he has you & DH creating a stable influence & boundaries for him, even if he doesn't seem like it now. Hang in there. :hug:

Exhale, like so much of weight loss and maintenance I think journaling is a personal thing. I've heard stories like Krampus - she can maintain fine without a journal, and having one drives her mentally bonkers. Then there's me, who without a journal thinks "I'm not eating too badly, this is a good maintenance level" but when I add up calories I realize I've eaten far too many. I must journal to keep myself honest when reducing calorie levels, but can get too obsessed with it. For the past few months when I feel that "obsession" coming on I will take a week off journaling - not a free for all at all but to keep my mentally stable. Seems to work for me.

Allison, congrats on your pants! Awesome NSV! :carrot:

bargoo, agreed that 1/2 cup looks really sad on the plate. It was, however, covered with over a cup of the stroganoff sauce (pre- sour cream, as we add it at the table) which was just chock full of mushrooms and leftover T-bone. :p And a full 3/4 cup of peas. You're absolutely right, it's knowing what it is BEFORE it goes in the mouth. I ended up the meal satisfied and happy and within budget.

shannon, glad to hear that DSS is "abnormally bright". But that comes with a whole slew of other problems - could some of the control just be coming from him being frustrated with the level of conversation and boredom around him? Even 7 yr olds hate being talked down to, and maybe he just hasn't grown into other coping skills yet. If he's in an average (or even good) public school, and they aren't treating him like he's smart ... it could be driving him a little crazy. :crazy: Consider a gifted program - it's another label, and not always a great one, but there could be advantages.

It can be good, and it can be bad. I'm friends with a lot of teachers--some who teach the gifted students and some that teach the unconventional students. One friend said she preferred teaching her special needs class rather than the gifted program. She said the kids in the gifted program were more demanding (as in, "I want to learn MORE! So give me MORE!"). Whereas the kids in the special needs class were just so happy to learn anything.

Both of my kids were in the gifted program at school. DD is the bored one. If she is "forced" to take a class that she doesn't see the point in taking, she doesn't bother to do well in it (think English or history). But if she likes the subject, well, she'll go above and beyond to learn more and more and show everyone just how great she is in it. My son is more middle of the road. He takes the classes because he knows he has to and he does the work as required but doesn't really go any further.

DSS is in the gifted program at school - they start it in first grade in our county. He took the tests before Christmas, joined the program for a half day once per week in February, started a full day once per week on 3/9. He has been doing really well in there, always did his work, etc. Then last Friday he didn't. He misbehaved, threw things, the teacher had to move him away from the other kids, took away his chess privileges, etc. She sent DH & XW an email - she was very disappointed. When they went to the orientation for the gifted program the teacher basically told them "your kid is smart, the behavior problems are all because he's smart and not challenged, he'll be fine in my class". Well - she was not happy when he acted out last week. Her email actually sounded personally offended at his behavior.

I know that he is bored with the school work, he always has been. His regular teacher is giving him harder and harder work, but she can't give him more work if he doesn't do what he has. And now he is refusing to do the gifted work, too. He has always said that the work was boring, that his regular class work was not important, etc. We were hoping the gifted program would help, but it seems like he is going to refuse to work in there as well.

Allison - I see the 'forced' thing in DSS already. He refuses to do things that he feels forced to do. He is very "I don't want to do this and you can't make me."

On the upside - I weigh 133 even today. It is my lowest weight since October of last year, and I only saw it twice back then. I must be doing something right. Now to live through the Opening Day festivities.

Allison, I am reminded of a letter I have it was sent by my grandfather to my mother when I was about eight years old, maybe younger. In it he said. "Watch Barbara, she can be led but she can't be driven." I always resented being told what I had to do but responded well to the correct leading. I recognoze the truth in that and it reminds me of your DSS, he may be bored or not challenged or just resents being told what to do. This is all so sad as it obvious that he is a very bright boy. The teacher sounds like she is not quite up to teaching such a challenging boy.

Hi everyone -- I introduced myself earlier (won't repeat it here), and am jumping into this thread as suggested. :D

I don't have any specific weight goal at this point - I just want to focus on the healthy behaviors and I know the scale improvements will follow. It would be nice to fit into my summer shorts / capris again without feeling like a sausage casing. But you won't ever find me in a bikini!

The cold brewed coffee sounds just awesome and I will definitely give it a try!

Happy Holy Thursday everyone ....

I can relate to this .

Shannon - yikes! One of my best friends has a 11 year old just like your DSS. He blows away every standardized test, gets 100% on his tests ... and REFUSES to do homework. So he's failing every class. She's tried it all - stripping every privilege, feeding him a perfectly clean diet, taken him to counselors, spanked him a couple times (he laughed at her), and left him at home with babysitters while she and the older son went out to do fun stuff. Her older son (13) has even begged his little brother to get with the program - but he just WILL NOT do homework or study. She's expressed a lot of the same frustrations you have. I hope there's an answer out there somewhere for both of you!

I was in a gifted program as a child so I am familiar with all the different types of kids you find in a program like that. There were the kids who didn't do their work, caused problems, etc. There were the overachievers who always did 110% on everything. There were the middle-of-the-road kids.

IMO, (no kids myself, but my mom was a teacher, feel free to ignore me) work ethic at school is 80% related to home life and only 20% related to the school environment. Shannon, you already see it -- XW isn't consistently giving him the message that schoolwork is important. He's not motivated to do his work because he doesn't see any benefit from doing it or any consequences for not doing it. Seeing all your posts I think more and more that your DH needs to negotiate a new custody agreement with XW that gives you and DH more time with him.

Shannon -- a thought about DSS and the gifted program ...
What does he think of the gifted program, does he like it? Or does he just see it as "more work"?

My perception of gifted programs is that they are not all created equal. Some are truly geared toward higher-order thinking, while others are just "more". If he isn't finding the Gifted curriculum engaging, then his reward for attending is just to have more work piled on. A disincentive.

Or, maybe there was just something going on with him on Friday that tripped his trigger. First grade boys aren't very good at verbalizing their feelings. ;)