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Old 10-16-2011, 07:54 AM   #61  
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Gary What a wonderful story about your marriage and family. You're so right about there being a lot of pollywogs in the dating pool but I too held out hope and finally wound up with the guy I'm supposed to be with. It only took me 24 years!

Yeah I complain a lot about DH here but that's so that I don't nag him at home. Much. He and I are both far from perfect but we're still working at things. We won't give up hope that we can continue to make a life together.

saef I am so sorry that you are feeling so depressed about life and what it all means. I wish I could box up Bella (16 week old lab) and send her to you for a day. She is literally : a bundle of joy. She lives every day as an exciting adventure and finds happiness in every moment (even when she's being clobbered).

Yeah she's a dog. It's very different for us. But I hope you can find some small pleasure in life. There can be some moment of happiness or engagement with life each day. It's really hard to find it some days but it IS there.

Dagmar aka Oprah
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Old 10-16-2011, 03:40 PM   #62  
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I never thought it would happen, but I still held on to hope from my Creator.

I hope you find the hope you are seeking, whether it's for marriage or life....sometimes that is all we do have
Gary, thanks. I am looking for some hope right now. I think I was fueled for a while by the belief that if I just put my head down, and kept working, and waited it out, people behind the scenes who were responsible for such things would fix everything to exactly the way it was before, if only I paid them enough money. Now I realize that this won't happen, partly because I just don't have enough money to make this all go away and partly because that wasn't a realistic hope anyway. The thing is, it took so long to find the various objects, because they also had to be affordable. I feel so very tired when I think about finding them all over again. I feel as if it can't possibly be done a second time. I know you felt like that, and yet you found even greater happiness the second time around. Right now I am not sure I believe that's going to be allowed to me. I feel unfortunate and somehow singled out for punishment. This is probably a form of egotism, believing one is the worst person in the world, and deserving of punishment somehow, which is the reverse of believing one is the most special person in the world, and ought to escape all consequences.

Anyway, it's gray and overcast, and maybe I'll wake up feeling re-set tomorrow, rebooting after a good night's sleep. I hate Sunday afternoon sometimes.

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Old 10-16-2011, 10:41 PM   #63  
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Gary, thanks. I am looking for some hope right now. I think I was fueled for a while by the belief that if I just put my head down, and kept working, and waited it out, people behind the scenes who were responsible for such things would fix everything to exactly the way it was before, if only I paid them enough money. Now I realize that this won't happen, partly because I just don't have enough money to make this all go away and partly because that wasn't a realistic hope anyway. The thing is, it took so long to find the various objects, because they also had to be affordable. I feel so very tired when I think about finding them all over again. I feel as if it can't possibly be done a second time. I know you felt like that, and yet you found even greater happiness the second time around. Right now I am not sure I believe that's going to be allowed to me. I feel unfortunate and somehow singled out for punishment. This is probably a form of egotism, believing one is the worst person in the world, and deserving of punishment somehow, which is the reverse of believing one is the most special person in the world, and ought to escape all consequences.

Anyway, it's gray and overcast, and maybe I'll wake up feeling re-set tomorrow, rebooting after a good night's sleep. I hate Sunday afternoon sometimes.
There are others experiencing the same things you are, how about your neighbors. I imagine some of them are having the same feelings that you are going through. I could say any number of things to try and cheer you up. You don't want to hear any of that right now. I have had dissappointments in life and some major sadness, it just seems that we get through it the best way we can. I am sorry that you have to go through this, dissappointment, sadness , depression. I do feel that you will come out on top. Are you in counseling ? I wish I could give you the answer.
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Old 10-16-2011, 11:40 PM   #64  
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..... I feel as if it can't possibly be done a second time. I know you felt like that, and yet you found even greater happiness the second time around.......

Right now I am not sure I believe that's going to be allowed to me. I feel unfortunate and somehow singled out for punishment. This is probably a form of egotism, believing one is the worst person in the world, and deserving of punishment somehow, which is the reverse of believing one is the most special person in the world, and ought to escape all consequences.
SAEF yes I did find happiness after my divorce with another wife. It also could have been possible that I never met someone again that I wanted to marry. I feel that I did marry a woman that God wanted me to, and I believe that He put us together.....seriously....the chance that we would cross paths the way we did is little "miracle" in our eyes.

I can't say that I was "rewarded" by God and found Angie. My reward for being a believer has already been paid. I feel our marriage is a blessing God allowed us to have. A lot of good things for our families have come from our being together in a lot of ways.

Keep in mind it wasn't quickly coming for me. However, I continually tried to put myself in a position in my religious walk and my life to be able to have the happiness I was seeking. I am fully aware a lot of "deserving" people never meet that special someone....I can't explain.

As children we learn early in life that nothing lasts forever, people die and things don't always go as we wish and pray for. We don't need to seek anyone out to tell us things we already learned as children.

People seek the whys and whats of happiness from a lot of sources. Pretty much we get things like...

It is what it is ....

All things happen for a reason...

Something has to die so new life can begin...

They're in a better place....

Personally none of those above do much for me. There isn't one bit of comfort in any of them for me.

What I am most curious of, if you wish to share it, is why you feel like you are being punished and just who/what is doing it to you?

What is it that you feel that you need to do to earn the reward of what you desire?

You had a lot of time, money and heart invested in your items. Valuable items.

You have every right to feel great loss...it is normal, it doesn't go away easy or quickly.

You may still have a lot of mud to go through but someday maybe you will find that special shiny thing you had forgotten about....

or not.

Maybe life will take you in another direction.....

it just might be a new fun and exciting road to take a chance on...

how's your map reading?
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