On the topic of allergy meds: I don't take a "D" form of any antihistamine. I figure if I need a decongestant, I can easily add one in--and in a smaller amount. Can't take Claritin because it gives me a headache after a few days. Zyrtec used to be good, but lately it knocks me out!

So these days I take Allegra 12 hour. For me, it's the best choice--but I know that it's different for everyone. My sister can't take Allegra.

Jay

I love this, Dagmar. It's so hard, but so necessary.

I realize I haven't checked in with the thread so far this week. Hi, everyone!

Just a quick check-in between classes. My big news for the week is that I'm the maid of honor in a wedding this weekend, in Colorado. The bride, groom and I all worked together as English teachers in China, and I'm thrilled for them. It should be a fun reunion weekend, I just wish I had more time. Also, none of those friends have seen me since the weight loss, but I'm feeling less apprehensive about that now than I have in the past. And I'm going to look HOT in my dress (I hope!). :)

Jen - you will totally rock your dress this weekend! :)

jenmusic yes, please post a photo of you in the dress (if you're comfortable with that).

saef could you post a photo of one of the horses? Never heard of them (I did "ride" a pony at summer camp - twice!). My childhood thing was stuffed animals (what a surprise, yes? :lol3:). I had over 100 of them, for which my dad built a special shelving thingee. They all had names, and families, and stories.

My gran decided ,while I was at camp, that I was too old for stuffed toys and gave them all to the church bazaar. :rollpin: to her!

Dh had a looong job interview today that, according to him :(, didn't go well. He's been sulking since I got home and is now taking a nap. At least he's quiet (sounds like I'm describing a 4 year-old doesn't it?) :p

I think he was under the illusion that, once he had the CMA in hand, he would immediately get a job with no searching, interviews, etc. I am off to a dog sit tomorrow so I imagine he will do some consolation eating and possibly drinking. Been there/done that so I won't say anything. SIGH.

The dog sit is at the house where I'm not allowed to use the computer. Or the expensive pans. or the super fancy oven. :p Now the client wants me to go to a health food store the day before she gets back (the dog will be boarding with someone else at that point) and get her some food items. Always something new in this business.

The dog is a great dog so I don't mind some of the owner's rather picky quirks.

Mudpie is now a contralto. Started as a squeaky little soprano years ago and has now developed this rich, loud voice. She is running her scales in the kitchen right now. I better go and look to see if she's done something rather icky - usually the singing has a less than pleasant accompaniment.

Dagmar :beach:

Dagmar, tell DH i have had lousy interviews, too. I can think of two that I was surprised they offered me a job and I did take it, but I never thought the interview would end up with a job offer.

Dagmar, one of the interviews may pan out in an offer even if DH thinks it went badly.

As for the doggies, I worked on "wait" and "stay" with Booboo yesterday and she is being much better at the door. However, she continues to be incomprehensible in so many other ways. This morning when we were half a block from home on our walk, she just sat down and decided she wasn't going to go the rest of the way home. :?: Carter meanwhile couldn't wait to get home. So I'm standing there with one dog pulling me forward and the other dog pulling me backward -- I think the neighbor who drove by must have thought I was nuts! :lol: In any case I just pulled Boo until she started walking again (she has a shoulder harness so no choking or anything). I tried cajoling her to come along but no dice so I had to just tug her. I completely fail to understand what was going through her doggie brain at that moment.

Apparently all I can talk about these days is dogs. :p

Jessica, perhaps she was just tired. Or her feet were bothering her.

Jay

Hi everyone! *waves* I posted this big ole' comment in the movers thread by accident. If you want to know how I'm doing, see the current movers thread. My brain is obviously out to lunch, lol.

Or she just wanted to sit and enjoy the sun.

I had to take my least car-worthy cat to the vet today for some shots. He howled the entire trip there. But once there, i removed him from the cat carrier and carried him in (he was wearing his harness and a leash). He was much happier and wanted lap time while we waited. He did fine during the exam (except, WOW he weighs 19 pounds now!!!). ON the way home, I allowed him to roam the car and he was much, much better (although at times wanted to sit in my lap). I think I'll never put him in that cat carrier again.

I have a friend who has been in and out of odd jobs for two years, lost his house and then his apartment. I think he even sold his car. He lives with his brother and is struggling to make it. I sent him some $$ today. Made me feel good that I could help an old friend in need and he was so thankful. (I told him last night I'd send $50 and ended up sending $500.)

Breyer horses! I had a few of those back when I was in elementary school. And my DD has had excellent experience selling her old textbooks on Amazon. She has tried Craig's list on some computer stuff and only sold one of the dozens of things she posted there.

Speaking of DD, he roommate's car was broken into last night. He lost his teacher's bag (lots of musical books for the students he teaches in their own homes, etc.). I guess 4 or 5 cars in their complex were broken into. Strange though as it is locked and you have to have a key to get into it. At least DD's car was ok as she doesn't store anything inside, just some safety stuff in the trunk that can't be seen anyway.

Dagmar, I'll send you to eBay to see what Breyer horses are.

http://www.ebay.com/sch/Traditional-...-/35999/i.html

As with any collectible, the community of collectors of these horses displays various degrees of obsessiveness. Some spend thousands on models that artists have customized. Some want only "vintage" models made 30 or more years ago & in original condition. Some take their models to shows to compete, with little miniature setups that mimic a show ring or a hunting course or a cattle roundup. Some models are simply lined up on a table for a judge to pick up & handle & examine for paint rubs & excess plastic from mold flaws & etc.

Of course, there are children who have no knowledge of the insular collector community and who simply want to play horsie with the models. I was one of those, many years ago. Now the herd that I played horsie with turns out to be full of vintage models with some book value. Thus my resorting to eBay to disperse them.

I've had a left upper incisor bothering me for two days now, and finally conceded that it's not the dull ache that I feel sometimes if I've ground my teeth in my sleep (despite my mouthguard). So it's off to the dentist for me later this afternoon.

Today's my mother's birthday. I need to drive over the river to the other side of the village this morning & get her a sausage Egg McMuffin for her birthday breakfast. This will be the first time I've been inside a McDonald's since God knows when. It's not because I disdain the food, it's because I long to eat it & in doing so, become once again a happy child on a car trip to someplace fun. That's what I connect it with: Paradise Lost. A sentimental Hallmark Channel memory of what childhood was like.

Tomorrow I drive downstate to see my doctor, get my hair cut and colored, and to pick up belongings that other residents in my apartment complex were storing for me for a short time, because my mother & I could not fit everything into one van load. The other residents were keeping things in their guest rooms, but of course, eventually they'll have guests staying over again.

I'm bracing myself for revisiting the complex and seeing my apartment.

It's been a little easier to bear while staying up here, so far away that the place exists mostly in my mind & in my memory. I mean sometimes, it feels as if I dreamed the last 15 years of my life, or that it was a movie about someone else's life that I watched once.

Now I have to immerse myself in it again, but only briefly, before returning Upstate.

In yoga class the other day, the teacher said basically to release one's desires and one's cravings. I thought, "Yes, craving or wanting STUFF has led to some of the greatest grief in my life. Whether it was wanting a horse, or wanting nice clothes, or wanting real estate, or a particular piece of antique furniture. And all along, wanting particular foods, never having enough of something that tasted really good."

But how to want nothing? Which then feels like needing nothing. Which would make me somewhat of a Needless Wonder, another state of mind that is unnatural for me.

Hi, saef,

Your mother actually asked you for an Egg McMuffin for her birthday? Wow... that is really strange.

Regarding releasing your desires and cravings--the idea isn't to get rid of them all permanently and be a Needless Wonder. That's just another form of egotism.

The idea is to see desires and cravings as they arise, and not become attached to the objects or states of the desires. In other words, to realize that a desire or craving is just that--it does not need to be acted upon in an automatic, knee-jerk fashion.

Simple example: suppose I want ice cream. Do I "have" to have ice cream to live and be fulfilled? No. But I can watch my mind try to make it into that. I can see the arguments: I "deserve" a treat. I have been "good," so it's OK to have it. It's been so long. That store across town has only the best, home-made ice cream, so that would be OK. My friend (son, daughter, partner, mom, dad, second cousin) would probably like some ice cream, so we should both go have some. And so on.

In the end, I may or may not choose to have the ice cream, but if I do, I know it's not because of any phony arguments about needing it or "having" to have it.

Jay

Well, my birthday's coming up and there's not a darn thing I can do to stop from turning 40 so what do I do? I made a birthday list of things my DH, DS's and DF can buy me! LOL. The top of my list is: a barbell adjustable set that comes in it's own carrying case, a weight bench, clothes, a new purse, new shoes and some lingerie (DH can buy that). I figure if I'm doomed to turn 40 then by golly, I'm gonna be properly outfitted with some new things.

I've come to the conclusion that my life was a lot simpler when I was out-of-shape. I'm taking charge of my health and what happens? I have more problems than ever. I just want to rewind about 5-6 years before all this crap starting happening. I JUST WANT TO FEEL WHOLE AGAIN.

The only thing I can think to do is lose myself in weight lifting and exhaust myself to the point where I fall into a deep sleep and forget everything for about 7 hours. I wish people would stop judging me offline too. I'm kind of avoiding people right now b/c I'm deeply ensconced in self-pity and that's where I wish to stay for a little while. I don't want to go out and 'forget' or laugh at their jokes. Maybe I don't feel like laughing. I just want to be by myself and try to dig my way out of this black hole I'm currently residing in.

I have a confession to make: I'm not the happy go-lucky person I've made myself out to be. I'm deeply depressed and that's the truth. I don't know how much more I can take of this before I crack. I may be smiling on the outside but inside I'm sobbing. Just b/c I'm thinner and more fit doesn't mean I've got my crap together - not by a long shot.

In the afternoons after my youngest son goes to Kindergarten, I go to the local Barnes and Noble and drink my green tea and read some magazines. The store is so calming too. I actually 'got off the dime' and ordered NROL4W and I've been reading it nonstop for the past three days. It's my bible now. I've gone online and read the testomonials from real women like me (skinny minny's) who are now buff. It's very motivating. This is the only thing that interests me right now. It sounds shallow but that's all my head can handle at the moment. I've had enough bad news for two lifetimes - seriously.

Sorry for venting but these are my true feelings. I can't help feeling this way. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired, y'know?

Hug FitMom....

SAEF those horses look so familiar to the ones my grandpa collected and kept on his bookshelf. A big time horse fan! When visiting we also were around horses as kids, learning stuff. He took us to see the Lipizzaner Stallions here a couple of times.

Jay, I don't think an egg mcmuffin is so strange....sounds like it may be a little bit of a trip to get it.

Off to work at the future mother of my GRANDkid 2's house.....