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Old 01-24-2011, 09:40 PM   #1  
xty
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Default cracked out on carbs - declaring my goals, help keep me accountable plz!

Since getting the final 20lbs off last fall, I was (to be honest) smug. Stupidly, stupidly smug!

It was easy for a good couple months...in fact I even struggled to keep weight on at certain points.

That is until my intense carb binges right before Christmas. In the weeks since then I have literally felt like a crack addict at times. Not unfamiliar territory as I have struggled with real food addiction at various weights. Naively I thought I was past that.

The last week or two has been pretty horrible. Constant (like every 2 mins) thoughts of what to eat next, all carbs sound good. Distracting me from work and life...and making me feel consumed and insane.

Last week I vowed to at least cut back, cut out candy. I have. I am doing better. I stopped weighing myself because I was having full on meltdowns before work. But none of my clothes fit. No pants. Only a couple skirts. And I swear I look like a sausage tonight in something that reasonably fit this morning! Ugh.

Logically I know there is no magic bullet, no great answer, just the knowledge that I have overcome this place before and I can do it again. Sigh.

My workouts have actually remained amazing, probably why I have only put on 10-15 instead of a ton more.

So, here I declare my new rules to get back on the straight and narrow (additional suggestions are welcome):
- no candy, cookies, cake, muffins. At all! Really. I can do this one thing to reduce the insanity, Ive gone 4 days and it feels more doable now.
- nothing in the house I cant eat in one sitting. So dinner is bought and I am allowed to eat all of it, no internal struggle...Im better at dealing with buying than I am with dealing with restraint once food is in the house)
- calorie counting. I will deal with targets later, but for this week I commit to at least keeping track
- no scales. Right now, its just not good for my mental health
- keep up workouts. Im consistently doing 5+ a week.

More brazen goals to be declared next Monday, but I just need to do a little better. My absurd goals declared to myself about eating 1400c or going no carb for a couple days ended horribly and were just too ambitious. I can take smaller steps to regain my sanity.

Thanks for listening.
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Old 01-24-2011, 10:12 PM   #2  
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Darling, I have been there.

My own experience has taught me to look at the psychological aspects, as well as taking care of the mechanics & the behaviors.

What has changed in your life recently? What has upped the pressure on you?
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Old 01-24-2011, 11:03 PM   #3  
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I'm not a maintainer, but I had to comment on this.

I so, so feel you on this. I was doing great all the way through the holidays (actually lost 3 lbs over New Year's and Christmas), but then came a winter skiing trip that just broke me foodwise. ALL of my old habits and cravings came back full force. I compulsively ate junk for about 3 weeks. I put on anywhere from 5-10 lbs (my weight is fluctuating wildly - like by 2-4 lbs a day). Probably closer to 10. I even tried to go a week without weighing because it was freaking me out. That backfired - I've discovered I actually do better when I know what I weigh (go figure).

Then just on Saturday I was all set to chow on candy (again), and I had to verbally and mentally tell myself NO. It was **** trying to stay away from that candy. I just wanted sugar and carbs and anything else like it. I've gone two days on plan now, and I feel saner. But I'm nowhere near in the clear. Never will be, I guess. And I was letting myself think I was safe with my eating. Ha.

I've discovered I can't keep up portion control - I need healthier foods to stay on track. So, I've cut most carbs and sugar (other than like fruit) and I'm trying to get some control again. It's really, really hard at times. I'm realizing more and more that I'm far from normal with eating.

I guess I just wanted to say you're not alone in this. And I'm glad you posted this, because now I know I'm not alone, either.
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Old 01-25-2011, 12:16 AM   #4  
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I'm just recovering from a carbs/sweets bingefest that lasted a week straight. I'm trying to go coldish turkey low-carb on-plan. But just now a coworker gave me a rusk/cookie and as I ate it I felt the manic rush coming and now my mind is racing thinking about whether there are any more in the staffroom and how I can get them.

The only comfort and support I can really offer is the promise that misery loves company and it appears many of us are struggling currently or have had setbacks in the past. I think it gets much, much worse as we approach/hover around goal weight. I can't remember ever BINGING before I was actively trying to lose weight.
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Old 01-25-2011, 08:20 AM   #5  
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Been there, done that, received a gold medal in failure. A couple of things that help me:
1. PLAN to have an off-plan snack once/day. It sorta takes the pressure off. If I have a healthy day of eating planned out, with a cookie planned for after lunch, I don't obsess as much. I always have a .3oz square (never 2!) of super dark (72%) chocolate in the early afternoon. I consider it my vaccination against binging.
2. Make sure I'm getting enough healthy, satisfying fats in my diet. Sometimes, when on a sugar/crack binge, I'm staying in my calorie goal, but they are empty, unsatisfying calories. By purposefully adding filling, satisfying fats early in the day (bison/eggs for breakfast, avocado, olive oil), my body calms down and I'm not so bingey/"hungry".
3. Hang in there by the skin of your teeth. The first couple of weeks of saying no are hard, but being fat is harder!

Good luck and HUGS!
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Old 01-25-2011, 10:08 AM   #6  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xty View Post
The last week or two has been pretty horrible.
Constant (like every 2 mins) thoughts of what to eat next, all carbs sound good.
Distracting me from work and life...and making me feel consumed and insane.

Logically I know there is no magic bullet, no great answer,
just the knowledge that I have overcome this place before and I can do it again. Sigh.

So, here I declare my new rules to get back on the straight and narrow
(additional suggestions are welcome).
I understand and have also experienced this.

I have an additional suggestion for you.
While you're in this withdrawal state,
Read Taubes' new book, "Why We Get Fat and What To Do About It"
which was just published.

Doing this has been extremely helpful in keeping me focused enough
to follow through with the kind of eating it takes
for me to get past my initial post-holiday-season carb-cravings.

Last edited by Bright Angel; 01-25-2011 at 10:09 AM.
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Old 01-25-2011, 12:10 PM   #7  
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I so feel your pain as I am there, too. My weight loss stalled during Oct-Nov-Dec which were 3 very stressful months. I gained 2 lbs over Thanksgiving and 4 lbs over Christmas. I've quit exercising because I'm an outdoors go-for-a-daily-walk person and well, there is snow on the ground. I've tried indoors exercise but it is just a drain on me mentally. Hate it.

A couple weeks ago I discovered I felt like I used to before I lost 50 lbs last year. I decided maybe it wasn't all the extra weight I had been carrying around that made me so tired but rather how I was eating. So since then I've been kinda back on track. I had four good days then bombed yesterday. I'm doing WW and I have 2 days left for this week in my points counting and I'm out of extra points. At the moment my goal is to stay on track today and tomorrow.

For me, since the new year, it's been the desire to bake cookies. Then I eat them, like a dozen cookies a day. A dozen cookies is about a day's worth of points. Not good. I'm trying to figure out why I am so obsessed with making cookies. I'm thinking it may have to do with it being one of the few things I do that gets me up and moving around. I'm really missing my daily walks. They are so mentally and physically refreshing. Indoor exercise is just a drudgery, but I may have to take it up again. One more month and this cold weather with snow and ice should be over with and I can start walking again.
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Old 01-27-2011, 01:32 PM   #8  
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Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone that replied

saef - my stress levels got out of hand in December, and initially I lost weight...then started to feel entitled to eating too many treats. The eating of too many treats (even once stress was reduced) kicked in my old food addiction issues though.
Bright Angel - will def check out that book, looks fascinating.

krampus and everyone else feeling the same pain - hang in there, we CAN do this. ugh!
Debi - fats were a helpful tip! I added some steak and also some pb and it actually did seem to help.

I am happy to report that I am doing a little better and will consider that a major win.

Checkin on the goals I declared:
So, here I declare my new rules to get back on the straight and narrow (additional suggestions are welcome):
- no candy, cookies, cake, muffins. At all! DONE
- nothing in the house I cant eat in one sitting. DONE
- calorie counting. DONE and protein has been 80-100g/day with calories ~1400-1500 which is great
- no scales. DONE
- keep up workouts. DONE

Only on day 4 of 'rehab' and next 3 days will be traveling to see family, always challenge (gosh they eat like crap!)...so will have to bring my own snacks and not binge on them.

Thanks again for the support, will check in again on Monday and declare new goals that day too.
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Old 02-01-2011, 05:42 AM   #9  
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How are you doing, xty?

I have managed to get through 3 days of zero candy/cookies/sweets and kept calories low.
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Old 02-04-2011, 03:46 PM   #10  
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Thanks for checking in on me krampus. I am sooo excited to hear you had 3 days of no sweets and on track cals. High five!

I am doing better. Most importantly that crack addict thinking pattern has gone. Whew! I still have had a binge or two, but not on super bad stuff and mostly I feel back on the path.

Here is my self-eval since 1/27:
So, here I declare my new rules to get back on the straight and narrow (additional suggestions are welcome):
- no candy, cookies, cake, muffins. At all! B (I had 2 smallish pieces of cake last Sat while in ATL, but otherwise no bad stuff)
- nothing in the house I cant eat in one sitting. DONE
- calorie counting. DONE counted everything, Fri-Mon were really high (~2200)
- no scales. Weighed in daily starting 2 days ago, but zero meltdowns
- keep up workouts. DONE

Here are my revised goals:- no candy, cookies, cake, muffins. At all!
- nothing in the house I cant eat in one sitting.
- calorie counting with a weekly average of ~1400 until Im back below redline, then should be able to safely up a little
- daily weigh ins
- keep up workouts

Weight is trending well:
2/2 - 134.2
2/3 - 133
2/4 - 131.6

I still cant wear most of my clothes, but Im hoping by early next week things will be better
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Old 02-06-2011, 07:50 PM   #11  
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I made the week, and blew it all yesterday, ending Sunday night with a stress-related chocolate binge after shooting sugar into my veins all day. It started as a controlled reintroduction and immediately spiraled out of control.

Now it's Monday morning and I am crashing from all the sugar and just on the verge of tears - may have to duck into the bathroom and have a cry at some point today. I've never had problems with anxiety or panic but I imagine this is what it feels like.

xty - very glad to hear you're doing better. Stay strong. Nothing is as awful as that out of control crack addict feeling. Nothing.
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Old 02-07-2011, 02:51 PM   #12  
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Awww krampus! *hugs*

The sugar makes me feel mentally unstable too....like not just the cracked out feeling (which is bad enough!) but then it causes me to have spikes and crashes with my emotions. ugh.

You seem to be having several ups and downs each week...any ideas on what is causing or triggering? how to avoid? you need a plan, girl. and maybe a nice long hiatus from treats...since they seem to not be working out very well :|

I have been doing well, but it has felt like serious work!! I sooo wanted a cookie or something sweet and carby yesterday, but refused to give in...I even got all weepy and sad for nor real reason. Maybe it is belated detoxing?

But Ive had zero forbidden foods, calls in the 1300 range, daily workouts, and the scale is moving down....Im even wearing (nonfat)PANTS today for the first time in ages.

2/5 - 131
2/6 - 130..6
2/7 - 130.2

Weight should hopefully be back under my redline (128) soon. I just have to hold my ground.
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Old 02-07-2011, 10:26 PM   #13  
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I'm not sure what causes this all. I have always been a big eater my whole life and (could be mood instability talking) I have severe toddler-tantrum issues with knowing that I can't eat like I want to ever again if I want to maintain a lower weight. I see everyone around me having what appears to be a fairly normal relationship with food. Planning makes me feel obsessive-compulsive which leads to making spur of the moment bad choices and well you know how that goes.

I'm going to use you xty as a textbook example of someone who can get back on the horse. Watching you undo the damage from sugar binges is really inspiring. I hope I'll see similar positive results in myself shortly.
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Old 02-08-2011, 02:10 PM   #14  
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Its ok to feel cheated, or to throw a temper tantrum, or to want it all to be easier. It is HARD for me.

I decided ages ago that it was ok for it to be hard - because in fact my health is my life's work. It isnt like that for everyone. But for some reason these are the cards I have been dealt and all I can do is face that reality to the best of my ability.

I have total faith in you krampus - its hard, and it sucks, but you can do this. And you will. *hugs*
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Old 02-08-2011, 02:37 PM   #15  
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As uneasy as the OCD makes me sometimes, I really have to sit back and remember the endless mornings I would stand in front of my mirror getting dressed in tears because I felt so ashamed and so huge. It really is a double edge sword, but as many a great maintainers have said, "maintenance is hard, being fat is hard, choose your hard."
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