Maintainers Weekly Chat - Sept 27 - Oct 3

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  • Jessica~I adore Itzhak Perlman! Have fun at the symphony!

    I wish, wish, wish I could get back on track. I do so well until I get home and then it's like a train wreck. I started charting my food intake again, so hopefully that will help.

    Horrible weather here. Some weird high pressure system that is bringing high temps and now we've got clouds (without a chance of rain), so it's just sticky. And it's dark out there!
  • Jessica - I also love Itzhak Perlman. That will be a lot of fun! I'm actually about to buy tickets to see him I think on 11/4.

    Allison - with you on the train wreck. I have been better this week. I've been trying to lower cals during the day to help offset the evening, and have been skipping my evening snack the last few days.

    Dagmar - annoying about DH and the wrong location! Hope they can get him in today.

    I am still somewhat congested, but am definitely on the mend. Busy week coming up - have to get rest now while I can. I did a yoga flow designed to help keep the lymph system moving, and today I can feel myself coughing and sneezing much more effectively. Who knew a headstand would help clear your lungs.

    Good day everyone!
  • I'm also on the evening train wreck. I do so well during the day, probably because I don't have time to sit around. Then I come home, tired and hungry, and can't seem to stop eating once I have dinner.

    I also drink too much caffeine during the day. I can't seem to get through all the physical effort of the day without it. I think the caffeine withdrawal/crash in the evening is also contributing to the snacking.

    I was turning the TV off and it was quite effective in stopping the boredom/snacking but DH won't leave me alone to read or do anything other than TV.

    His day didn't go well so he's been picking on me since he got home, spoiling for a fight. I'm trying to stay out of the way in my office. Sometimes it seems DH is turning into my dad.

    The scary thing is that I sometimes think it might be my fault. What am I doing to encourage such behaviour from men I live/lived with?

    Have to think some more about that.

  • Dagmar-- sorry about your issues with dh. It may not be anything you are doing or not doing. It may be more that dh and your dad have similar characteristics. Much as we don't want to admit it, we often look for similar qualities in a partner. Just like I don't want to admit I have anything in common with my mom (she and I didn't get along for most of my life), I now find myself saying things she said and doing things she did.
  • DH rant
    Managed to not stress eat last night. DH again talked about quitting his job and for once I spoke up.

    I said that I couldn't support all of us on what I make and that I was afraid he wouldn't even really look for another job. He agreed with me. He doesn't like to work and he has enough credit to go seriously into debt while "job hunting" ie sitting on the couch watching TV.

    The thing that really p*sses me off about all this is that DH's main reason for tearing our life apart and making my job **** etc. etc. is that he's BORED.

    Everything I suggest that we could do together he picks apart. He can't go out to dinner, he can't go to a movie, he can't go for counselling etc. etc.

    But if he leaves then I'm all alone. I don't have any friends and my family is tiny - really just the one cousin and his family. DH is my best friend as well as my sweetie.

    This is going to be a rough time. I will have to find it within myself to not comfort myself with food. That will add to the misery of the situation.

    Great hump day all!

  • Quote:
    But if he leaves then I'm all alone.
    Dagmar, to my way of thinking, this is not a good reason to stay with anyone. Sure, it is scary to be alone, and it is a big change--but it's not the end of the world.

    If he was punching you every time you fought, I assume you wouldn't feel as though being "all alone" was worse... right?

    Your husband just completed this course he was taking, and probably he's feeling a rebound from that. The big push is over, and life is now boring. But grown men have to support themselves or face consequences--and YOU should not have to face HIS consequences. Don't let yourself be in a position where you do. If he wrecks his credit, he wrecks your credit, unless Canada is different...

    Edited to Add: I should clarify--your credit scores would still be separate, so you could have good credit and it would not be affected by his bad credit. However, if you ever wanted to purchase something jointly, both of your credit scores would be looked into. And so that would make things hard for both of you.

  • I did an awesome job of avoiding a train wreck last night!!! I got a terrific night's sleep and got up and did 30 minutes on the treadmill. Off to a great start today, let's hope it continues.

    Dagmar~I'm so sorry you feel that it is your fault that your DH and DF are the way they are because of you. It's not your fault, and don't feel that way. If you feel all alone, perhaps joining something to meet new people will help. Do you have Meetup there? My friend, when she got divorced, joined Meetup and has participated in a bunch of activities and has gotten some new friends to do things with.

    So I decided that I'm going to cut my hair once again. First I cut off 8 inches or more to my current style which is about shoulder length with layers. I've decided it is TOO much work in the morning. So I'm going to go super short. Think electric clippers on the back and sides and a bit longer on top. I found a bunch of pictures that I liked, showed them to family and friends, and the majority decided that this style is what I should do. I'm going to discuss it with my stylist and this particular cut is a bit longer in back than I want. I'm really tired of having a hot neck!
  • Good morning! I feel normal today for the first time in a while! Or as normal as I ever feel...

    Good food the last couple of days, got in some light exercise yesterday, feeling fine.

    Allison - love the cut. I had super short hair for a while, and it was easy in the morning. I have discovered it isn't the best look for the shape of my face, but I do miss the styling in the AM.

    Dagmar - I have been where you are, and in my case I chose alone. It was healthier for me in the long run, and I'm not alone now.

    Michele - I have a lot of my mom's characteristics now too. Sadly, the ones I don't like in her most of the time...

    Good day everyone!
  • Allison-- what a cute cut! Go for it!
    I am very frustrated with my stylist but it is probably my fault. I have long curly hair. I like to keep it long but I have to have a good amount cut off and thinned out or it becomes unmanageable. The last two times I've gotten it cut I've reminded her to keep the length and she's barely trimmed it. Because it is so curly, I leave with it wet and don't realize until hours later that it isn't really cut much. Now I'm trying to deal with it. I know I could call her but I don't want to.

    Dagmar-- I am so sorry. That's the crux of it. Just sorry. Sad for you. I want to believe I wouldn't stay in an unhappy marriage but I don't know. My best friend is in a very unhappy marriage and another close friend too. They are both grappling with what to do-- financially, emotionally, etc. Both of my friends have older teenagers and I hope they stay together until the kids are out of the house if possible. You don't have kids, correct? I'm not saying you should leave but I would highly recommend individual counseling so you can sort through your emotions and your options and decide what is best for you. Ultimately if you ended up leaving dh (you aren't married right?), I am sure in the long run you would find friends and activities to participate in and be happy but I'm sure it would be hard. Many hugs to you.
  • Quote:
    (you aren't married right?)
    Is that true?

  • Hi everyone,

    I'm cranky this week for no other reason than PMS. I'm trying to not dive into a vat of cheez-its and ice cream, and keep going to the gym even though I'm tired! So far I've done pretty well with that. Fall is here! The first fall cold (cool?) front came through and it's been wonderful. Of course it won't be fall yet when I get to the Keys.

    Michele, I'm sure your stylist would be happy to take a little bit more off of your hair. Maybe it would be helpful to take a ruler to your hair in the mirror, actually measure how much you want off if it's length you want gone, or just go back in and ask if she'll thin it out a bit more. Many hairdressers have a trim or bang-trim fee that is less than a cut if you just go in for that, too.

    Allison, cute! I'm sure short hair will feel great with all that heat you've been getting.

    Jessica, NJ/NY road rage and traffic make me crazy and want to eat too! I think it's the traffic and not us. It sounds like you've got a great weekend planned, enjoy it!

    Dagmar, I can just offer you hugs and support. I know you've tried to find a therapist without success before, maybe now is the time to look for a new one that works for you to help sort out your feelings. May I suggest to tell DH to his face that you are going in your office, and he is not to come in until he is not trying to take his problems out on you. He probably does know he's doing it, but you need to make it clear that you're not putting up with it. No matter what, you've always got your friends here at 3fc for support.

    Have a good day all.
  • Dagmar - It sounds like your DH really needs some counselling. Does he know that you have considered leaving him because of these issues? If not, it might be something that would spur him to get the help he needs. He may not realize how upset you are about it.

    Megan, just count down the days until your vacation!

    Allison, that cut would look great on you, it's super cute.

    Hi Michele, Shannon, and everyone else!
  • Thanks everyone!
  • Good morning all! Got up at 5:30 to get the boys off to school and this morning I beat the 'go back to bed' demon off of my shoulder and stayed up to exercise. I've done 30 mins of hip opener yoga, a leg workout and am finishing on the stationary bike now. Forgive any weird spellings - iPhone and auto correct...

    Good day yesterday, and weighed this morning at a little under where I was the first of the month even with what ended up being 14 days off from exercise this month + normal days off when I was exercising. I feel pretty good about that. And, if I hit my bike goal here this morning I'll cross 1000 miles for the year. Feel good about that, too!

    Michele - I have had to go in and have a little trimmed between cuts. Most stylists are pretty good about that. I bet it is hard to tell the length with yours wet after the cut.

    Megan - step away from the cheezits and ice cream sweetie! Vacation soon, pms will pass, you can do it. hey, you are the one with the frozen banana ice creamy recipe, right? Try that - natural sugar, and the potassium will help with PMS symptoms.

    Dagmar - I didn't mean to sound abrupt in my post yesterday - sometimes it is hard for me to talk about my first marriage. He either if ignored me or yelled at me or pushed all of his passive aggressive bS on me, depending on the day. I stayed it in a lot longer than I should have - fear about money, afraid of being alone, fear of change, different reasons. Finally getting out was the best thing I ever did. Not trying to say it is what I suggest for you, but I do see you always upset and frustrated and want you to find the help you need to take care of yourself. It appears that he is transferring a lot to you, and I hate to see people let themselves be victims. I remember how I felt as one, and I'm sorry you are going through it. If you ever need to chat pm or fb me, I'm here.

    Someone mentioned traffic - I swear, people are getting worse every day. I had three near miss traffic incidents in my sixile commute yesterday...

    Good day everyone !
  • You all were in the back of my head today. I had to go into the city for work errands and got to drive by places we don't have here with yummy ice cream treats - Dairy Queen etc. I ignored them all, ate my salad with chicken breast I had packed, went to the gym after work. Thanks for being there for me! (Did you even know? lol)