Why did I react this way?
 

I watched TBL last night and the stories of all the contestants really got to me. It took me back to that place and I felt fat and miserable all over again. I was left with this feeling of it's only a matter of time before that's me again. Obviously I know that it's in my hands and doesn't have to be, bur everyones stories were so tragic and the reasons I gained weight just aren't. I guess right now and actually the last few years have been pretty stressful for me and there is more to come in the next few months. So far I've done pretty well so I'm hoping I've learned new coping mechanisms. But we're moving in a couple months and my fitness routine is going to be disrupted by new factors, I'm hoping I'll work it it out, no - I will work it out. It wont be easy...but what about maintenance is.

ncuneo, first of all, you look fantastic in your picture!!! I envy your cheekbones and jaw structure. I think I could whittle myself down to a skeleton (I won't, lol) and still have my chubby baby cheeks, haha.

Second, you and I are yet again in similar circumstances and share similar feelings. I have some big changes coming up (fiance coming back from Iraq and living with me, getting married, graduating college, moving to a new state), and while I'm excited, I'm truly worried that I will fail at maintenance. It's sooo easy to slip back into old patterns, and while that's the last thing I want to do, I cannot honestly guarantee myself that I won't ever do it. I can't control what future me does, and that frustrates me, lol.

I also get an odd feeling when I watch shows like Biggest Loser or Too Fat for 15 or anything of the sort. While I'm physically a thin person currently, I'm still a fat person in heart and mind. Weight struggle is still very real for me, and I relate much more to the experiences of overweight people than to thin people.

It's kind of like that saying "You can take the girl out of Texas but you can't take the Texas out of the girl." I have lost weight, yes, but I still am a "fat person." Somebody who struggles with weight and a healthy relationship with food. I will always be a "fat person" no matter what my weight happens to be at any given moment. So yes, I relate very much to the contestants on Biggest Loser.

First of all, let me second Megan, you look great in your picture! I think before your avatar was always a chick... I too will always have the baby cheeks and envy yours!

I completely agree, I keep waiting for the day that it's no longer worth it to watch what I eat and I slip back into old habits. The only thing that keeps me sane is that I'm still trying to lose these last 10 pounds. I probably don't need to, but I want to and keeping that in mind has kept me from sliding back into my former life.

I'm scared to death. This is the third time I've lost this weight, and I don't want to do it again. It's a wonderful journey, but I'm done with it. :) I hope that if I keep that in mind and keep getting on the scale EVERY day and owning whatever happens, good or bad, that I'll be successful in maintenence.

For me at least, I think I have to keep myself scared and never get complacent. Like you said, I'm still a fat girl. Anywho, I'm rambling, so I'll go, just wanted to let you know that I agree and am in the same place!

I think what you might have been feeling is fear mixed with a temporary feeling of hopelessness. Watching stories as you said brought you back to that place, and you probably channeled that feeling of hopelessness from those times and projected it/mixed it with the fear....causing you to feel like you would end up back there.

Fear is healthy. When you touch fire, and it burns you, you get scared of touching fire again. It is a survival instinct.

And fear of returning to a place that, for me at least, felt like it might kill me...is what keeps me right here fighting for life every single day.

Be happy you felt it! And as I can see from the end of your post...let it motivate you! :)