First of all you have NOT caused irreversible damage to your body. Your body is much more forgiving than you're giving it credit for. Losing the weight right this minute, every 4 lbs off in fact, is a GREAT improvement to your health. Getting to and staying at a healthy weight is a wonderful way to stave off many debilitating and deadly diseases. Excess skin? Big deal. It doesn't cause cancer or high blood pressure and is EASILY hidden in clothing and it may be better than you imagine, it certainly has been for me. And if you think you look better with nice taut skin that's filled with FAT, well, I beg to differ, but that's just my opinion and LOTS of others as well if I were to go by the oodles and oodles and oodles of compliments I get. And better to have the joints, blood chemistry, metabolism, of a FORMER morbidly obese person than a CURRENT one or a dead one. Please do not use this as an excuse to delay making changes. It is NOT too late. You say you've been lurking - do any of us maintainers sound unhappy with their results????? I don't know how much you need to lose, but you should also check out the 100 lb forum, there are lots and lots of folks who are not quite maintaining yet, but have lost close to and over 100 lbs and not a one of them sounds displeased with the results either.
How do you forgive yourself? How do you NOT? How do you NOT?
You could not forgive yourself and just keep getting heavier and heavier, unhealthier and unhealthier, more and more miserable - or you could DEAL with it, put your foot down and say, "I'm not going to take this another second. Enough is enough. I can't change my past, but I sure as heck can change my future by taking action and making changes TODAY. I don't have to live this way. I don't have to be fat if I don't want to be. I deserve better. No more settling for second best when first best is well within my reach". I was the one that got myself into the mess and heck, I was the only one that could get me out. I got into the mess one pound at a time, and I would get myself OUT of the mess one pound at a time as well.
You have to know that this and you are worthy of the effort and time and work put towards it.
Make the decision to lose the weight, make the commitment to do it and AMAZE yourself with all that you are capable of and all that life has to offer. You can not even imagine what you are missing. The best is yet to come - find out who you were meant to be.
Oooh, one more thing - you don't have to have everything figured out before you make the change. START implementing those changes NOW - you will grow and learn as your journey progresses in ways you can not even imagine. Some things will become apparent to you. It's a very emotional journey. Lots of self discovery and growth. I urge you to not wait till you've got all the pieces of the puzzle in place. Make that decision, that commitment and transform your life.