Son thinks I am "too thin"
 

As I close in on my goal I am hearing more and more from people that I am "getting too thin", "look drawn" or "wasting away". etc

I usually hear this from well meaning friends or people I haven't seen in awhile etc and I just take it as par for the course considering how much weight I've lost. However today I heard it form my 17 y/o son. He sat me down and told me he was going to have an intervention for me because I was too thin and that even his friends thought so. I was floored! I am not too thin. They've never known me as anything but overweight so compared to what I did look like, I am very thin.

I tried to reassure him and explain that I'm now entering maintenance phase and have slowed down in weight loss and exercise. I told him my doctor recommended I aim for around 130. I showed him the BMI chart and how many calories I burn and eat to maintain my weight etc. He still didn't care, he's worried. I think some of his feelings are stemming from his ex girlfriend having an eating disorder.

How do you all deal with these comments and feelings from others?


You know, losing weight has been so wrought with emotion for me! I never bargained for all of this when I started my journey. What a wake up call.


Just so you know, I'm 5'5" have a small frame and weigh 138. I truly believe that I am far from "underweight".


*I'm not sure if this is the right place for this, so I'm sorry if it's in the wrong place.

I am 5'11" and weigh 190 pounds. My best friend tells me I am too thin every time she sees me. Obviously at size 12 pants and a 36G bra I am NOT too thin; it's just that she is accustomed to seeing me a lot fatter.

Your doctor should be a good judge of how thin is too thin. If you feel healthy, don't have a bunch of bones sticking out, and your doctor is pleased with where you are then I would say you're on the right track. It's just going to take people awhile to get used to your new shape.

One thing is that it takes our skin awhile to "catch up" so perhaps your face particularly needs to sort of settle in to your new weight. Your son also needs to get used to seeing you this size, as will his friends. You - and your doctor - know that you're not too thin. Congrats - I'll bet you look terrific! :)

People only see the result, they don't see it took you hard work and effort, all the 'behind the scenes' things. Many people might assume eating disorder, because it seems to be ingrained in our culture to do this anytime someone looses weight. Just because I look at the back of the box when I eat something or any time I move a piece of food on my plate I get the same reactions from family members, especially when I was thinner for a while.

Your weight sounds pretty good to me, maybe just getting a check up at the doctors will help your son feel better?

I get it all the time...I'm 5 ft. 8.5 inches tall and weigh 140. I've been maintaining 138-143 for a year or more, and I still get comments all the time. People are SHOCKED that I eat when they "catch" me doing it....they think I starve myself.

It's all relative and it depends on you personally. It's hard to put these numbers in a box and say what's "too" anything.

To be the voice of dissent though, personally, in my very own humble opinion, at 5'5½" if *I* weighed 138 lbs I would be absolutely skeletal. The lowest I've been in my adult life was around 148 and even I didn't like what I saw in the mirror.

Remember that when we are "fat" people see us differently than how we see ourselves in the mirror. The same goes for when we are "thin". We may NOT actually see that it's "too thin". Going to the doctor just to be sure is NEVER a bad idea - and at least that would shut people up if you were to tell people even your doctor found you to be at a healthy and sustainable weight.


edited to add: sorry, I see your doctor actually says it's ok to go for 130. So why is your goal weight 120?

Summer91 sounds like you know what is right for you and are fine.
You have lost a lot of weight and congratulations on your accomplishment.

I do think it was very brave and loving for your son to approach such a delicate subject and check up on his Mom. You are a lucky lady.

Thank you everyone for your input! Pinkypie, thanks for pointing that out, I need to fix it. :-)

What a great kid you have!

I think you are handling it quite well, actually.

Other people's perspectives on our weights are interesting. I have people who say "Wow, you keep losing weight." Ummm....actually, I'm not. I've been + or - 5 lbs for > 1 yr now, +5 lbs at the moment, thank you very much.

Anyway, I'm glad you're here.

Mindy...you are exactly as I am on height and weight. I get it all the time that I am too skinny. It is just others have seen me overweight so long that I do look skinny.

More voices: I'm taller than PinkyPie at 5'7", currently weigh less at 132.5, and am no where near skeletal. :shrug: It's really hard to guess what some else weighs or should weigh. But it's certainly clear the range is very wide.

I too get the comments. Usually it doesn't bother me too much except for the "wasting away" one. It makes me feel like the person saying it thinks I look sick or something. I know people are just not used to seeing me like this. Not only did I lose as much weight as another person weighs, but an obese person at that, takes awhile for peoples brains to catch up with your new body. It is awesome that your son cares enough to even notice your weight, a lot of teen boys don't even know their mothers eye color...lol ;) Just keep assureing him and if he still worries, have your doctor or his nurse call him and talk to him about it. Congrats on your outstanding dedication to health.

Summer, I have a couple thoughts. First is that if you are aiming for a weight set by a doctor, which is in the normal range on the BMI chart, then that really ought to be fine. Second is that like others have said, when you lose a lot of weight sometimes since it takes your skin a while to recover, you may look gaunt for a little while. As the skin tightens up it's less noticeable. Third is that you may want to get your body fat percentage checked. If your bf% is very low, then you might look "too thin" despite being at a healthy weight on the BMI chart, since the BMI chart does not account for very muscular people.

All in all though, I would be glad that your son is concerned! It shows that he cares. If he is really upset about it have him talk to your doctor so that your doctor can tell him personally that 130 is an okay weight for you.

well, I think that's really what I meant in my reply - we are all different. different sizes, shapes, backgrounds - it's impossible to say what number on the scale is too thin or not thin enough or chubby or whatever. Impossible! I know what I look like at 148 and it was NOT a pretty sight. That's why we all have to stick to our guns and listen to our DOCTORS if we have any doubt about "too thin" or not.

Other people see us differently, they always will and yes, if we were pretty big before, people are going to see "thin" when we don't see it yet!

so I hope I didn't offend anyone as that was not my purpose!

I wasn't offended at all! I was just throwing out more numbers so the whole range was represented :)

awesome :) I'm glad :) I know sometimes I can really stick my foot in it so I was trying to be careful :)

When I first lost my weight I got those comments a lot. I still get people asking me all the time if I'm still trying to lose weight (no), if I've lost more weight (no) and telling me not to lose more weight (I'm not). I agree that it takes awhile for people to get used to the "thinner" us. Also, most of the country is overweight, so we do look thin compared to the "norm". For myself, parts of me do look quite thin while I still have other parts of me that look far from thin. It is too bad we can't lose weight where we want to or spread it around! If your son is still concerned, you might want to bring him to the doctor with you. How does your dh feel (if you're married)?

Please join us in the maintenance threads! We would love to have you!

Definitely not skeletal here! :)

I thought I would look skeletal at this weight, but I don't. Not even close. The last ten pounds finally made my hips more in proportion to the top half. I will always be a pear, but I can finally wear straight skirts. I think people that get worried are judging by my face. I think it is starting to look a little better as the months go by.
Give your son a big hug and thank him for his concern. Most boys don't take that much notice of their Mothers at that age. Very sweet!

When I got close to my goal weight I switched entirely to bodyfat because I figured that if I didnt realize I was fat at 186 lbs, why do I think I could adequately judge if I was thin?

As for your son, I think it is good to acknowledge that you hear his concern and you are going to have the doctor confirm that your weight is healthy.

And I have had people tell me NOW "WOW you have lost even more weight"...uh no, I am up 20-30 lbs, thanks.

* as I remind myself why I am not talking to my friend who I think is wasting away...:p

Yes! This is exactly what I'm hearing too. It's something about my face. It really hurts my feelings and makes me feel crappy. I mean here I go and work so, SO hard to become healthy and I got discouraging comments like that.

I've always been the kind of person who looks like I weigh less than I do. Even way back as a child. The doctor told my mom I was going to be one of those "lucky girls who hold their weight well".

Again (I've said this elsewhere on here) I can NOT thank you all enough for this place! Its is sooooo nice to not feel alone anymore. This site and the way you all share so transparently has been a Godsend!

I think it is very inspiring to hear from such a chorus of people with support, thoughtful ideas, gentle nudges when there's an item of concern, and congratulations on all the effort. It's just great.

I have one lady friend in town who's lost almost half her weight this year. I started off before her and she saw how "effort in" equates with "results found". She's lost so much and looks great. Her friend (who also works in the same large place I do) has also taken her results as inspiration and guidance to start her own weight loss.

We each hear the same crowd of friends say the same overwhelming "wows" and "you look terrifics". It's a bit embarrassing to have people focus on the thing that made me a bit vulnerable when I was heavy. Mostly everyone is great. The office ladies are the ones who tell me I'm way too thin. Usually, it's when they're pushing some giant muffin both stuffed with a cream but covered in a frosting.

I think weirdest comments that have persisted have been "you look like you've lost a lot of weight, is that a good thing?" This has happened so many times. Folks think that weight loss is because of serious disease not health.

I work in an office (and have worked on the project itself at points) where we are focusing on BMIs, healthy living, severe obesity statistics amongst the city's kids, and changing the way the city organizes resources and the landscape to make healthy habits the norm.

So, my thoughts on people thinking we look skeletal is because the average person more than 20 pounds overweight in my community. Anyone at mid-BMI IS extremely thin to their size. I remember this guy on "Frontier House" (a PBS program where people lived like prarie pioneers on the frontier for six months). One man (from some rich town in CA) was freaking out because he was skeletal. The television producers had a doctor check him out (to calm him down) and explained how he actually was coming in to what is defined as fit and healthy. He had worked out all his muscles to farm land and was fit.

For me, that's my measure. Fit-ness. I've been struggling this year with my knees. They started me on this weight loss strategy to see if they'd improve. I'm sidelined again because of them. So, I'm really examining my fit--ness and how I can maintain this weight within the over arching goal of being physically fit. I'm much more positive today after finding a bunch of resources lately.

To sum up my soliliquay, folks are not necessarily the best judge of your fitness. As a Quaker, I find queries important and appreciate others who notice where I might focus my consideration. But that's as far as I can take people's concern then I pick it up and determine where I am in relation to spiritual and physical facts.

Congratulations on such a wonderful achievement. May the next goal be just as successful and well earned.

I have been getting the "you are too thin" comments from all around. Just the other day, my father-in-law said something like "we don't want to hear that you have an eating disorder". Which, I don't have an eating disorder, not even close.

I've been overweight my whole life. Even I am not used to seeing myself at this weight. Do I look thin? Yes... and I LOVE IT. Do I look sick, or skeletal, or TOO THIN? No... I think I am perfect right where I am.

As long as you feel good about how you look, and your body FEELS good where it is... I don't think you have anything to worry about. If your doctor is cool with it, that should be even more of a reassurance.