Hi everyone,
I was just wondering how you deal with these people. What kind of responses do you give to that co-worker who hands you a slice of cake & as you politely refuse she says "You know you want it". Incidently, the last time someone did that I replied, "I don't want to waste my calories on that (it was a strawberry cake)...I'd rather waste it on cheesecake (of course there was no cheesecake in the vicinity)."

Hi there! Not a maintainer (boo!) but experienced with food pushers.

For me, it depends on the person. My 82 year old mother whom I see infrequently due to geography: I'm not hard on her. I'll usually eat some of what she offers because to her, food is love. And I can tell her a million times, but she just won't listen. And she's 82 and so THRILLED to still be able to make my favorites. So, I manage as best as I can. And get on track as soon as possible.

When I was working, I divided it up this way:

Colleagues: when I'm given something, I explain my eating plan or reasons not to have it (you know, the "no thanks" polite routine). IF the colleague persists, I thank him/her, wrap it up and say I'll have it later. Meaning it goes in the bin as soon as he/she is out of sight. Easier for me to do this than to have an arguement at the office. They can give it to me. I can take it. But NOONE can force me to eat it!!! If the colleague is also a friend, I'll talk with him/her and trust that they'll respect my request. If they don't, I'll say "thanks" and pitch out the food as soon as possible.

Party at Work: if it is a food like donuts or Birthday Cake and everyone is watching, saying, we have to have a piece blah blah blah, I'll take a piece, nurse it, excuse myself, and chuck it out. Noone notices if I eat it or not. They just notice if I took one. And I don't feel bad about this at all.


At home:

Friend or relative saboteur: I give a good polite explanation, then say No Thanks, then say NO. THANKS. and if the behavior persists, have a talk. If it still persists, I'll make sure that our activities are not food-related. If I have persistant problems, it just might be that our priorities or things we have in common just, well, aren't aligned. I'll reevaluate the relationship. Sometimes things work out. Sometimes they don't...which is sad, but I HAVE to do what is healthy for ME. I'm not going to eat myself to death so that my friend isn't eating at McDo's all alone...


Kira

"No thanks." Repeat, over and over if needed.

or

"Why do you need me to eat it? Would you like to have my share? "

Say "No, thank you," and when they persist with "you know you want it" just stick to your guns and say "No!" again. Remind yourself that it'll payoff later. You'll give yourself kudos for your strong willpower instead of putting yourself down for giving into temptation. It also helps to take a look around the room and see the other people eating the goodies. If they're fat, just think of how they got fat. That should turn you off.

Also, you should eat your cake now and then or else you'll go CRAZY. Just do like the French do and savor a few bites...then toss the plate in the garbage immediately afterward. Before you have the cake, make a game-plan in your head. Locate the trash and keep close to it. Once it's in the trash, the temptation is gone! Promise yourself that you'll only have a little bit. PROMISE!

And you're golden!!!

Hope this helped a bit. It's tough for all of us. Food is too darn good!

If I think about my plan of food action before going into any food/social situation. Having thought about it, I don't get caught off guard and am better at sticking to my guns.

Some people will finally give into the "just have a piece!" and take the piece. In a large group of people most won't notice if you actually eat it or not. You can either mush it around on your plate and then throw away/abandon your plate somewhere, take a bite and mush the rest around, or just walk away and abandon it without even touching it. You could also claim something like "I'm so full right now, I just couldn't eat another bite after that delicious dinner you server me." "I didn't realize food was being served and ate before I came. I wish I'd saved room, xyz smells delicious!" (Compliment them on something else. Also, people seem to respond better if you're "full" than if you're "trying to eat healthily").

If they persist, ask to have a piece/serving/whatever wrapped up b/c you're full, and ditch it in the first trash can you see after you leave the place.

People also seem to respond better to medical reasons:
Tell them you're allergic. Many people won't even ask to what!
Tell them you're diabetic. Not trying to make light of people who are genuinely diabetic at all.
Tell them you have Celiac's disease (can't eat gluten). Again, not trying to make light of people you have Celiac's disease.
Make up the name of a disease and tell them that you have that. If they want to know more about it, just tell them you really prefer to discuss it only with your doctor.

Practice saying these things to yourself. Sounds goofy, but it will help you be prepared. Also I'm not a liar my nature, truly, but there are white lies I'm willing to tell for the sake of my waistline and to avoid hurting people's feelings.

I seem to go to a lot of social events where people are trying to push alcohol on me, people I don't know as well and close friends, too. Even if they'll give up trying to get me to eat the cake they want me to have some wine. They just want to see something in your hand - doesn't have to be alcoholic. If it's an open bar, make a "drink" for yourself of a diet mixer and slice of lemon/lime etc. If you're at the bar, ask the bartender to put some non-caloric beverage in an alcohol glass and garnish it as alcohol. If it's BYO, just make up something with fizzy water or fizzy diet soda, garnish it with a lime/lemon or mint sprig or something, and then just smile coyly and change the subject if people question you about what you're drinking. If you end up with alcohol in your hand, don't drink it, and abandon it somewhere. Or dump it out in the bathroom and refill with water. I've even lied to my BF about having alcohol in my glass, just to get him to back off! (I just want to clarify that he is a wonderful man, and I am not a deceitful person. This is the only lie I've told him in 4 years of dating.)

Didn't mean to hijack the thread with talk of dealing with alcohol pushers, just thought some out there might be helped by hearing those tips - it's hard to try and avoid alcohol when you're in your 20's. It's everywhere!

Honestly, I'm so tired of having the discussion with people (why they care I'll never understand) that I usually lie and say something like, "oh, I wish I had room, I just ate a HUGE chocolate bar with peanut butter and 4 cookies, gaaaaah, can you believe it, now I'm sooo full."

People never argue with that because it validates their own bad food choices. Terrible, right? But so true.

I find it easier to turn down alcohol than food - most people will accept the 'I don't really drink' answer easier than 'I'm trying to watch what I eat'. In my family at least, we have so many recovered alcoholics hanging around there isn't a lot of alcohol offered anymore, anyway! Food is another story... we are some serious food pushers.

Thankfully I don't really have to deal with food pushers....I do however have a different problem. When the tray of cookies are passed around the table the food police will say, "Lori can't/doesn't/won't have any". I WOULD turn them down, but I'm never given the opportunity because every one else seems to want a little credit in keeping me going.

I don't lie, I don't make excuses, I just happily say No thanks, I don't want any. Over and over. If pushing persists or the person appears to be feeling bad, I may say I'll take some for later. And I do. Whether I eat it later or not is a separate question.

Jay

"No thanks", "I'm not hungry", "Sorry, it's just that I don't really like [that food]". And depending on the food, "I'm sorry, but it tends to make me sick", which is not a lie: anything too greasy will make me feel sick.

I never go about saying things like "I'm on a diet" or "I'm trying to eat healthily", because it just seems to trigger more attempts at sabotage from the sabotaging kind, and questioning from other people. And frankly, babbling about dieting and vegetables while eating cake at a party seems pretty much a nonsense to me.

If they really keep on insisting, I don't hesitate to confront them and say "why do YOU want ME to eat that stuff so much?", if only to see whether it'll make them reflect on it a little. But then I admit that I also don't like people in general telling me what to do, and telling me "you know you want it" is something I immediately perceive as blatant invasion of my own little lebensraum (although I do my best to not sound aggressive, and just point out politely that I find it strange that food is pushed on me when I've already expressed my lack of hunger/desire for it).

If they will not accept " No Thanks " I will say I'll take it home and eat it later. Somehow it never gets home. It goes in the nearest trash, unseen of course by the pusher.

Thank you all for your wonderful advice. Usually I'm pretty good at saying "no thanks" but I would have never of thought of throwing away the unwanted food & it's been working really well. Lately, some of my co-workers have begun the practice of bringing in a box of baked goods (donuts, brownies, etc.) into the office w/ a handful of napkins & walk around to each & every cubicle offering a piece. I've been graciously accepting it & when no one is looking I immediately toss it in my garbage can. Sometimes if I really want it, I'll cut it in half (then I cut the half in half), have a taste of that & toss the rest. I also have inspirational magnets posted with quotes such as my favorite "Remember...the choice is always yours to make & no one else's" to help keep me on track.

I love this forum!

Workingmom, that sounds great! Keeps you in good shape and doesn't air your business to everyone if you don't want to.

Food pushers get it if you tell them "no thank you" enough times. It's amazing but I found that with food pushing co-workers no longer ask me if I want some birthday cake, etc. since I have turned them down on a continuing basis.

About a month ago I stopped eating sweets. So far 5 no thank yous is the record for food pushers. After saying no thanks the first three times it gets to be funny, and in my head I think, "gee, I wonder how many times I'll have to say no thank you before they get the message!!" As I say, 5 is the record so far.