I know I posted briefly about it but my stepfather died right before Thanksgiving. He was 76, but it was still unexpected. My boss was so kind, I was able to spend over 2 weeks in Texas with my mom.
I am back up to 137 lbs, but I really concentrated on my mom and my family and less about eating. I didn't have a car and my mom lives out in the middle of nowhere and we had tons of people in the house. I pretty much just went with the flow as far as food went (my mother's friends/neighbors sent bunches of food - hams, lasagna, pies, etc).
Honestly, I think I did pretty well considering, but it amazing to me how eating offplan (even a little) has such a big effect. When everyone else had waffles loaded with butter and syrup, I ate mine with strawberry jam. I did try to make good choices when I could! Too many glasses of wine and handfuls of nuts out of mom's big Costco nut jar are the probable culprits.
Hopefully, I'm back on track food-wise, still sad for my mom and missing my step dad. I got in super late on Sunday night and didn't go to the grocery store until last night, got salads for the rest of the week.
This has not been my most coherent post I'm not sure how to say all the things I want to say about weight maintenance after the death of a loved one, I really had to prioritize and for me, eating was not the priority. Hopefully, I can regain my focus now that I'm home. Of course, I'm going back to TX to see my mom on Christmas Day for a week, jsut going to focus on what I *can* do, not worry about what I *can't* do.
After Sarah's grandfather passed away, it was exactly the same way. I needed to be there for her, mourn his loss, and focus on family. Food couldn't be my first priority at that time. That's totally natural and normal and it sounds like you did everything right.
So sorry about your stepdad but glad to hear you're back home safe and sound. Yes, priorities have to change when grieving. You'll be back to normal eating soon I'm sure.
Hi all thanks for alll your nice posts My mom is doing pretty well, it's hard to tell. I didn't want to make her cry, but maybe I was too careful while I was there. We had many teary moments, but no "bawl like crazy until you can't breathe" moments. It's hard to see your mom cry, but maybe I was selfish and didn't give her that chance?
She's never lived alone, and now she has a big house to rattle around in. I asked her if she wanted to do anything with Tom's things (gently, didn't push it) but she said no. So, his jacket is still on the back of a chair and his toothbrush is still in the cup. There's no timeline for any of that, but I hate for her to have to sort through all that stuff on her own when she is ready.
She's already gone back to work, she works in a pretty busy place where she is very popular, I think it's good for her to be busy and have lots of opportunities to socialize. She has her church choir and her painting class, so I'm very glad she has so many friends/hobbies.
I am going back for Christmas and then for another week in February and again in April. Tom wanted to be cremated, so mom is planning his memorial for April 21 - San Jancinto/Aggie Muster Day for any Texans out there. She wants to have a nice service in the Veteran's Cemetary since his military career was so important.
Although the occasion was very sad, I haven't spent 2 weeks in a row with my mom since I went away to college back in the late 80s, so that was nice. We have always really enjoyed each other's company (spared all the teen age angst, thank goodness), so just being together for so long was nice.
I am very sorry to hear of your step-father's passing but glad you were able to spend time with your mom. What part of Texas are they in? I am from Houston and went to Texas A & M for the first 2 years of my college (Go Aggies!).
Are you from Texas as well?
It does sound like your mom staying busy and going back to work will be a good thing for her.
I think you did great considering you had very little control over food for 2 weeks. Texas food is not low-fat or low-calorie!
I actually heard that it was snowing in Houston today!!
Hey Michele, my mom is in Kerrville, but she grew up on Bryan. My grandfather was a professor at Texas A&M, my mom's brother, brother-in-law, sister-in-law, my dad and both brothers are graduates and my mom was one of the first 10 women admitted to Texas A&M (although she eventually got her degree from Texas Tech). Definitely got some serious Aggies in the family
My folks were in NC when I graduated High School so I ended up going to NC State, I did live in Dallas for a couple of years in the 90s and my brother Mark lives in Houston now. I should text him and ask him about the snow!
I love Kerrville!
What did your Grandfather teach there?
I lived in Houston for about 25 years and it snowed maybe twice. Since we have moved away 5 years ago, it has snowed at least twice!
Welcome back, Glory. It sounds like you did the best that you could and sometimes our best is ... our best. Life happens. Two weeks of any kind of eating isn't going to undo what you've accomplished or take away your maintenance skills and knowledge. Now that you're back in your environment, I have no doubt that you'll fall right back into your maintenance groove.
Hi Glory - welcome back. I'm so sorry for your loss, especially right now before the holidays. It is good that you were able to spend the time with your mother - I'm sure it meant a lot to her, and to you, too.
My grandfather was the same way when my grandmother passed away - he didn't want to move her things, so the book she was reading the night before stayed open on the bedside table, a pair of discarded socks sat in the den for almost a year... One day he just decided it was time and packed up all of her clothes, called us to help with all of the knickkacky things that she wanted us to have. Your mom will do the same thing - when she is ready she will get his things together. It might be soon, might not.
You'll get back on track once you get settled back in at home. Considering the circumstances you were surrounded with, you really did great while you were in Texas.
Hi Glory . It's always hard to lose a family member. I'm glad that you were able to spend so long with your mom, and that she has such a wide network of friends for support.
Sometimes food, exercise, etc. - whatever goes along with these healthier lifestyles we've made for ourselves - just isn't going to be our top priority, whether it's a subconscious or conscious decision to put it further down on the list. You'll go back to your normal eating and activity patterns, and your weight will go back down. No worries.
I'm so sorry that your Mom and you have lost your Step Dad. Losing a loved one is without a doubt one of the hardest things in the world to go through.
I think you did amazingly well under the circumstances. I have no doubt you'll get those few lbs off now that you are home and settling back into your normal routine. You needed to be with your mom and help her through this difficult time. And you were and I'm sure she was so grateful to have you there. Planning and shopping and chopping and dicing is just not possible at times like this.
I'm glad you've got some more outings to her home planned. Wishing you and your Mom all the very best.
Last edited by rockinrobin; 12-12-2008 at 01:48 PM.
Back from Texas
I'm not sure how to say all the things I want to say about weight maintenance after the death of a loved one, I really had to prioritize and for me, eating was not the priority. Hopefully, I can regain my focus now that I'm home. Of course, I'm going back to TX to see my mom on Christmas Day for a week, jsut going to focus on what I *can* do, not worry about what I *can't* do.
and I am so very sorry about your stepdad. How's your mom doing? (sorry if that's too personal)
