Choice, Obsession And Dedication
 

This topic comes up fairly often at 3FC. Many posters feel gravely misunderstood. I've chosen some definitions from dictionary.com that I felt reflected what I've been reading in threads just lately.

choice - something that is preferred or preferable to others; the best part of something

obsession - the domination of one's thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire, etc.

dedication - the act of binding yourself (intellectually or emotionally) to a course of action


How do you feel about these concepts in relation to your weight loss journey? Is there a positive or negative connotation for you? How necessary (or not) are any of them? Has your perception of these concepts changed over time? Anything else? Report your thoughts and feelings here :hug:

Hm. I haven't seen a thread where it's been an issue in a while. But here's my take on the topic. I know when I post I do *try* to point out that what I'm about to say works for me, is my choice, is what *I* do, etc.

Unless, of course, it's something that is just flat out harmful. If someone says they're going on a 10 day water fast or eating 500 calories a day to drop weight quickly ...! In that case I tend to leave out any qualifying statements. :)

So for me:

Choice: My choices are MY choices and I don't force them on anyone. If I post here about my choices, it's to share what has and hasn't worked for me.

Obsession: I think it's easy to become "obsessed" with a plan or a way of life and to not realize that it doesn't work for everyone. OTOH, not everyone who is passionate about what they do is "obsessed". This is one of those emotion laden words that can be easily misused or misunderstood. I try to avoid the use of the word unless it's obvious I'm joking.

Dedication: I think this one also has the possibility of being misunderstood or misused just because I think we're all dedicated in one way or another to losing weight. But one person's dedication is another person's obsession. :) And one person's range of acceptable variance is another person's lack of dedication. So I think this one ties in very closely with choice ... and respecting other's choices as long as they're not unhealthy choices.

FWIW.

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well, this is funny because my DH recently has been saying that i have become obsessed with my weight loss and working out. I feel that this is a negative thing. I think I am dedicated to being a healthier person and a happier person. which in turn will make me a better wife and mother. As for choice. I make choices every minute of every day. It makes me feel in control when I tell myself " you can choose what goes into your body", "you can choose to either sit on the couch all day, or get up and be active". I think that choice and determination are very essential in my life style change and my health. I feel very angry when someone tells me I am being obsessive with it.

I think a lot of people who aren't being healthy and who know they aren't don't want to feel guilty about it, so they push that guilt back on you (or me or us, whoever). It's easier to say "you're being obsessive" than to admit that they should be making similar changes to their lifestyles to be healthier.

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I think that, a lot of times, people here and in the real world used "obsessed" a bit too loosely, usually to refer to "passionate".

Obsession has negative connotations in a big way, and usually gets used in my experience when people want to somehow deprecate the decisions people are making toward being healthier. While that is waranted sometimes (when someone is using an unsafe weight loss method or is teetering toward disordered behavior), it isn't warranted nearly as often as I've heard it used (particularly OUTSIDE of the boards and weight loss community).

I am passionate about eating healthy foods, giving veggies a chance, and putting limits on food intake as ways to promote weight loss. I'm also passionate about sharing those views, mostly because I remember what it was like to be new to the weight loss world with no idea what to do, and feel like providing my viewpoint as one possible viewpoint might help people find their own way.

I don't know how I feel about that definition of "choice". Anyone who has been reading my posts lately is aware of my current "it isn't motivation, it's decisions" mindset. The choices I make aren't always the ones that are preferable or best to me short-term, they're the ones that will help me acheive the long term aims I have set for myself.

Dedication is your commitment to that decision to follow a certain plan. It is DEFINITELY key.

I want to throw another word out there...Motivation. To me, motivation is extremely, totally, and absolutely overrated when it comes to weight loss. You just don't need it (unlike commitment and dedication), and maybe a little bit of passion.

If obsession and dedication are used to refer to basically the same thing except in negative and positive degrees (a big assumption), then I would think it's dedication when it's serving you well, and obsession when it's getting in your way.

Julie makes a good point about things being good for you or detrimental. We often talk about brushing our teeth. There are several things I do every day without fail and nobody thinks I'm obsessed.
If portion control is important to my health, at what point does calorie counting become an obsession?

I think anything becomes an obsession when you let it rule you to the point that you are unable to enjoy anything else w/out worrying about your obsession.

If you must brush your teeth after every meal, that's dedication. If you get so freaked out by not being able to brush your teeth after you eat something that you refuse to eat, that's obsession.

If you log everything you eat and watch your calories very carefully, that's dedication. If you become more concerned with the amount of calories you're eating than anything else - up to and including possibly your own health and welfare, that's obsession.

:)

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I believe "they" say that obsession comes a "problem" when it overtakes your life in a negative sense. That you are neglecting other (important) parts of your life.

I understand what you are all saying about obsession being a negative word and it is used too freely. Dedicated is certainly a nicer and more apt word. But if someone were to call me obsessed and yes it's happened, I'm fairly okay with it. I am proud of my "dedication" to my health.

I have gotten the "gosh she's crazy look" many, MANY times. And sooo many comments, like "How in the world do I live like that?" And I think that's kind of sad. If G-d forbid I were a diabetic and I needed to carefully monitor everything that went in my mouth, nobody would for a single solitary second think I was "crazy" OR "obesesed".

Why can't/don't people see this is the same exact thing? That closely monitoring my food intake and exercising is just as vital to my health and my well being as that of a diabetic?

Robin reminds me of "choice" and for good reason. I'm so appreciative of her dedication to making good choices whenever a decision needs to be made.

Her posts remind me that there is no 'once in a lifetime' decision to lose weight and become healthier. Every day we are faced with choices and must make the one that keeps us on the right track.

Is there an old saying that goes something like "if you wander without a map, you may just end up nowhere"?

How does moderation mix in here?

Thanks for the vote of confidence Susan. I do hate to burst your bubble though. You should have seen me this past weekend while I attended 4 different parties. I certainly made some good choices, but I can assure you that not all of my choices were good ones. Not by a long shot. There was pasta involved. In a, dare I say? yikes - cream sauce, no less. And then there was chocolate. And then there was - yes - CHEEESECAKE :yikes: It wasn't pretty. Whatever. But those were the choices that I made on those particular days. Luckily they are a rarity, but nevertheless I of course have to pay the consequences for it.

As far as moderation, I know for me, I must, must, MUST keep my health, my weight a very top priority in order for it to "work" for me. It's just the way I am. I don't do moderation well. I can't "moderately/quasi" watch my weight.

I really have started to look at maintaining my weight as a lifelong health issue, a chronic condition, that I will always have to deal with and closely monitior. Yup, just like the diabetic. I take it very seriously.

I missed this the first time around but I want to give it wild applause right now. :)

I so totally agree with it.

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Yup, it's a point Dr. Phil (not my all time favorite diet guru, but it's a good point) makes is that motivation will never get you through, it's changing your habits, your lifestyle and - well - just doing it. Try not to put yourself in temptation's way whenever possible. To avoid pre-dinner snacking, he talks about breaking a habit of walking through the kitchen as soon as you get home, but rather going to another room and getting involved in something that doesn't involve food. :) For those of us who are the dinner preparers, it really helps to have some veggies to snack on. I sometimes eat my salad in pieces while I'm cooking..... DH gets his with his meal.

Not being lazy here but you've just about read my mind on this one. I agree with everything you're saying.

Dagmar :tired:

I think motivation is a great thing to cultivate. Absolutely, you can't depend on it. You have to *know* what you *depend* on. But I think it's a waste not to do whatever you can to also cultivate motivation. It makes it all easier, and that's a good thing.

In other words, I'm gonna do it, one way or another. That's my commitment. But if it can be easier and more pleasant, I'm all over that too.

Create an environment for success. I'm not sure where I got that from ...

Dr Phil talks about ridding your home of snack foods. Many diet gurus talk about getting rid of big clothing. We encourage folks here to read success stories and maintainer's threads.

This is what I thought of when Julie mentioned that motivation needs to be cultivated.

Very topical questions to my life right now. The other day my husband walks into the kitchen as I am preparing my lunch. At that particular moment I was weighing 2 leaves of Romaine lettuce to go on my sandwich. Well, he started rolling his eyes a bit and saying he couldn't believe that after 8 months and successfully losing weight I was still weighing lettuce and measuring out mustard etc.. He says to me, "Lettuce is not going to make you fat!" And I say to him, "But this is what worked for me, why should I change it now?"

He definitely thinks I'm obsessed. I think I'm dedicated to not regaining (which I have done SEVERAL TIMES in the past). If a little bit of obsession keeps me 70 pounds lighter, then I'll embrace it wholeheartedly.

You know, personally I don't think that weighing your lettuce, in itself, contributes anything to your weight maintenance, either . But ... if doing everything the same way (weighing everything, not just the denser foods) is what keeps you on track, then it's what you need.

I would say my weight loss journey is both dedication and obsession. Often the obsession is so great that I wish I was still fat that way I didn't obsess over every piece of food I ingest or be tied to a scale. I constantly think about how many calories I eat and most night I have trouble falling asleep because I keep adding up my daily calorie intake.

I helps my frame of mind I guess. I feel more accountable. It becomes total habit. And it takes all of a second to do, so totally worth it for me!

This thread is perfect for sharing one of my all time favorite fitness quotes.

Alas, I am not yet a maintainer...

I agree that "obsession" is a word that's thrown around a lot... and in many different contexts, not just related to weightloss. I always hear people saying, "I'm obsessed with XYZ" and the like. I also agree that people misuse the word "obsession" when they mean "dedication" or "passion" for a particular thing, especially weight loss.

Although I think that most people who are actively committed to weight loss, no matter how dedicated, do not become obsessed with dieting or exercise, I think some people definitely do. I think that when your chosen activity begins to interfere with having a reasonably normal life, like if you refuse to attend somone's wedding because you fear you will go over your calories if you attend, or if you skip your child's play or something so you can workout for 5 hours, you may be obsessed. I think I've come across a few people in my day that I would consider possibly genuinely "obsessed" with dieting, but I think a lack of true dedication and commitment is a lot more common...

Such a thin line between dedication and obsession yes?

Doing what works (working out, counting calories, logging them, weighing all the food etc.) are all part of creating the behaviours to succeed at weight loss and maintenance. Same goes for creating the environment to suceed - not having junk food in the house or talking yourself out of the ice cream run.

Not engaging in normal everyday activities because you're afraid they'll interfere with your weight loss/maintenance to me seems like crossing that line. Not having anything in your fridge except lettuce seems to me to be crossing that line

Balance is key. All the elements have to be balanced for dedication. When one element becomes the sole focus of your life then obsession has taken over.

Dagmar :dizzy:

As I said earlier, I don't necessarily HATE the word obsessed to describe what I am/do, as I know I have not "crossed that line" into it overtaking my life. I DO believe I have found the balance. Dedicated is without a doubt much, much better word to describe how I am towards my weight, and the word that I use now. But, like I've said in many early posts of mine, before I came across the word dedicated, thanks to you folks here at 3FC, I actually found that being "obsessed" about it all, especially during my losing part of my journey, was an added bonus!

Because really, when I wasn't giving it my all, when it wasn't always on my mind, when I was lackadasical, it just didn't work.

Maybe I should just call it a "hobby" of mine. :dunno: ;)

I do like the hobby reference.

We could compare it to knitting. I knit almost every day. I talk to other knitters. I read knitting publications and websites. I shop for knitting supplies.

Susan, I really DO like the term "hobby" and think it's quite appropriate, as an aside to the deep dedication that I have.

Certain aspects of what "I do", is most definitely hobby-like. I love reading up on health and fitness. I thoroughly enjoy speaking to others about health/fitness/weight maintenance strategies/recipes - the whole kit and caboodle. I love finding and trying out new recipes and tweaking them to make them healthier and tastier. I love scouting out new stores and making new "finds". Which is of course on top of the daily exercise, planning and tracking of calories.

Brilliant way to look at it rockin robin,
Yes I have similar hobbies myself. I love that!

Ya know ... when I was feeding my family with three small children, I had to be ever mindful of what was going to be eaten next. Well planned shopping, cooking, prep ...

First I have to say that I agree with this - I think it's a good definition of where the line is for most people.

I think the issue for outsiders (those who haven't gone through this journey or who are watching us go through the journey) is that part of making a commitment to losing weight and maintaining that loss *is* changing your "normal every day activities".

What was normal and everyday a year ago is no longer normal and everyday for me today. Going out to lunch every single day is not normal any more. Especially going out to lunch at McDonalds or Burger King or Chick-fil-a. Going out to eat on Friday night with friends and ordering a huge fried appetizer, an enormous meal, having 3 or 4 drinks, and then splitting an enormous decadent dessert is no longer a regular thing. Sitting around the house on a Sunday afternoon eating chips and dip while we watch the ball game is not a regular thing any more. And going to the gym after work *is* a regular thing, so when someone suggests "let's go get a drink after work," I more than likely am going to say "no thanks" whereas before I'd have been the first one there.

So from the perspective of an outsider, my journey is causing me to "not engage in normal, everyday activities" and therefore means I'm obsessed.

"You never go out to lunch any more with us. You just eat salad at your desk. Don't you think you're becoming a little obsessed?"
"You never go out to happy hour with us any more. You just go to the gym every single day. Don't you think you're becoming a little obsessed?"
"Don't you think that ordering a salad every time we go out is a little obsessive? Why don't you live a little?"

From *my* perspective, I'm making changes to what *is* normal and everyday so that what I do on a normal day involves healthy choices and the splurges - dinners out, high fat lunches, and happy hour drinks/snacks - are the *exception* rather than the norm.

And that's where it's hard. Because unless your friends and family are on the same journey, you can appear obsessed because you're changing EVERYTHING that your relationships were based on.

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Photochick, you've brought up a good point.

What we've done is create for ourselves a "new normal". This is all perfectly "normal" to us - now. Isn't that why we say we're not on a "diet"? That this is our new "lifestyle" - our "way of life".

And I can definitely see from an "outsiders" point of view where it would/could seem "obsessive". It's totally foreign to them - and scary. They simply can't fathom living this way. They don't realize what deep "dedication" and commitment this lifestyle requires.

I also believe they don't realize what absolute pleasure and joy it brings about - to be a healthy weight.

Perhaps the next time I get one of "those remarks" about my lifestyle, I'll lighten it up a bit and throw in somewhere that this is my "hobby".

I've been thinking about this topic quite a bit.

This really resonates with me. Those comments have all been made to me by friends at some point, with the implication or explicit statement that my so-called obsession with healthy eating & exercise is getting in the way of my everyday life. They don't seem to understand that BEING MORBIDLY OBESE and/or having a higher risk of the various cancers and heart diseases that run in my family also GETS IN THE WAY OF MY EVERYDAY LIFE.

I've called working out a hobby of mine before. I've known several cross country runners (who've never had weight issues, just always liked to run) who call running their hobby. Why is this any different? I've gone through phases where I could be called a runner, a weight lifter, an ellipticizer if there is such a thing, depending on the physical activity I'm most focused on at the time. Most of the time I LIKE working out! Really! I've long called cooking a hobby of mine - it just happens that now, 80% of what I cook is healthy (and not all of the 20% is intended for my consumption - co-workers bday cakes etc.). I don't think there's anything wrong with having a "hobby" that happens to be good for me!

I just got back from spending a week with my parents, my brother and his wife and my husband all in one condo. This very topic was in my head a lot during this week as my mom commented several times that I was too thin and initiated several conversations about my being 'obsessed with diet and exercise'. And never mind the little snide comments I didn't address or the side looks...

I don't consider myself obsessed with calorie counting and weight loss most of the time, but admit I have some habits other people might see that way. Like Josephine, I still weigh and log everything, including the ingredients I put into my morning smoothie. DH sometimes sees that as unnecessary at this point, I keep telling him that I'm not comfortable enough with estimating this early in the maintenance game. Hopefully I'll get there. This week was a test for that - I didn't take my scale on my trip, I just eyeballed things. I also ate between 2000-2400 calories three of the days we were there - the first three days, actually. Later in the week I felt grungy from the garbage I'd eaten the first three days so I cut back to around 1700 for the rest of the time, and made healthier choices.

I exercise pretty much every day - I did miss two days last week, one because it was the day we were traveling back home and we came straight in to my stepson overnight, so no time. The other was because I let my mom influence me - DH says to me "your mom is really worried about you overexercising, it would really make her feel better to see you take a day off while we are down here", so I took a day off. And felt miserable. I was angry with her for being so critical of my exercise all week, I was angry at DH for suggesting it, I was angry at myself for doing it. Really, I made the bad choice, so all the anger should have been directed straight back onto me. And, that was the day that I felt like poop all day and ended up staying home from dinner. I really enjoy working out and the way it makes me feel. I'm pretty sure I'll miss my goal for October, because I've taken more off days than normal and had a couple of shorter workouts, so to make it I would have to do 70ish minutes every day for the rest of the month. If I were as obsessed as my mom said I am I would be scheming for a way to make that happen. Reality is, ten days of 70 minutes per day would burn me out. I know better. Do I exercise now when I might have been reading or watching tv in the past? Absolutely. Like Meghan said, it is a hobby for me now, just different from my old ones.

I just had to do my medical history and family history for two new doctors - my family history is pages long. I look at all the things that my mother, grandmothers, aunts, cousins suffer from and I make a choice right now to not have to put those items on my 'current medical conditions' section in five years if I can possibly help it. My mom is 5'3", or was, has probably lost some height down to 5'1". She weighs somewhere in the 85-90 pound range. She never eats, what she does makes her sick most of the time. I'm not going to be that person. She got there through anorexic behavior over the years and who knows what else, she won't talk about it. I'm getting smaller through a better diet than I've had in years and exercise. Again, not obsession, but choice.

I thought about motivation this week, too. This was my second vacation being smaller than my SIL. I liked it, and am vain enough to admit that it provided some external motivation. I looked at my mom and what I saw scared me - more external motivation. Internal motivation - the way I felt on Thursday when I didn't do any exercise on top of grungy food. The way I look in the clothes I bought. The way I was able to make the 9 flights of stairs up and down to our room 25 times when we were down there without getting short of breath and stopping halfway. (The elevator needed a key card, and would shut you in sometimes if it couldn't read your card - wasn't taking the stairs for exercise, was creeped out about being trapped in an elevator... :) )

Okay, I've rambled awhile. Might not have made any sense, but there are my thoughts on it. I'm confident that I'm taking care of myself, I'm not depriving myself of anything, I splurge on occasion, I rest when I need to, if other people need to see that as obsessed then so be it. :)

Weighing lettuce, if that's all you see, could seem obsessive to someone. But when you think of it as a whole practice, "I weigh what I eat" it's different. Because if "I weight what I eat", where would I draw the line for exceptions? Today it would be lettuce, tomorrow any vegetable, next I'd be eyeballing EVOO. Not weighing lettuce could be the beginning of the slippery slope.

But you are. You've lost 70-80 pounds (I didn't do the math) and kept it off for 4 years. You may not be at your goal yet, but you are a wildly successful maintainer. And when you gained 10 pounds, you didn't throw yourself down the stairs and regain all the rest of it. You got back on track and relost it. (All that's based on your signature info.)

I think this was the first of several references to commitment. I think that's one of the words that deserves a definition. Oddly enough, the definition I got from synonym.com is exactly the same as Susan's definition of dedication.

Commitment: the act of binding yourself (intellectually or emotionally) to a course of action
The primary definition is: the trait of sincere and steadfast fixity of purpose.
Sincerety is never the issue. I think we're always sincere - about starting anyway. I like the word steadfast here.

Steadfast: marked by firm determination or resolution; not shakable

I also like determination. Can't use the same source for a definition as it uses the word itself to define it. So from Dictionary.com
Determination: the quality of being resolute; firmness of purpose; a fixed purpose or intention; fixed direction or tendency toward some object or end.

To me commitment and steadfast also carry the idea of continuing, ongoing action. This is important because it's not a one time decision. It's setting a direction and regularly making decisions that support that direction.

So when all around you believe you are obsessed, you know you're dedicated, commited, determined and steadfast to meet and keep your goal.