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Old 06-13-2008, 03:05 PM   #1  
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Default My Husband Finally Gets It! (Sort Of...)

We all know the spouses don't always quite understand the whole weight loss and maintenance thing, right? Well, my husband finally got a taste of calorie counting, and the poor thing thought he would die!

He's been quite thin all his life, and very fit. If he ever altered his diet, it was to try to GAIN weight (muscle). He's doing an amateur muay thai kickboxing fight tomorrow and he has to weigh in tonight. He hopes to weigh in as a middleweight, which is under 165, because he normally weighs between 165 and 170. He was advised to cut a few pounds so he could be one of the heavier ones in his division instead of a smaller one in the light heavyweight division (which makes sense, I guess -- who wants to fight bigger guys who dropped into your division when you can BE a big guy in another division?) He weighed 167 last night, so he tried not to eat much and then today he's been sooooo irritable because he couldn't eat much. He kept saying "can I just have a few cheetos?" and "I can eat an orange, right?" Then he was all upset because he felt like the Milky Ways and Snickers in the cabinet were taunting him. He's the kind of person who buys candy bars and then forgets they exist normally, so I can tell this is really bothering him. So he went for a run in a big sweatshirt and thick pants in the heat of the day at 90 degrees, and now he weighs 158! It's so funny, though, how miserable he is when trying to cut calories, and he only had to do it for ONE DAY. It's the first and ONLY day in his entire life that he has ever thought about restricting in ANY WAY. I asked him if he can see just a teensy bit how difficult it might have been for me at times when I spent more than a year losing 110 pounds, but somehow I think he still doesn't quite get it. Ah well...

Anyone else have a spouse who has NEVER tried to lose weight? Today's experience has made me realize just how little he must have understood about what I was going through when I lost all that weight.

By the way, the "heavyweight" division for female muay thai fighters is 145 pounds. Above that, you're considered "super heavyweight." Jeez!
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Old 06-13-2008, 03:14 PM   #2  
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Lisa, what a great story!

I'm married to a naturally thin guy, who "just doesn't get hungry". Our brains are wired completely differently, that's all there is to it. He's tried so, so hard to empathize with my weight struggles and I couldn't ask for a more supportive spouse. But on a basic level, he doesn't "get it" and I don't think he ever can. It's the difference between trying to intellectually understand a phenomenon and LIVING it every day. Just like I've never experienced heroin addiction or migraine headaches -- I can empathize, but it's outside my realm of experience -- he's never experienced food cravings, addictions, disorders, whatever you want to call it. But like I said, I'm lucky that's he's so loving and supportive.

And ... I've known some 145 pound women at my gym who are solid muscle. I wouldn't want to run into any of them in a competition!!
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Old 06-13-2008, 03:23 PM   #3  
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Yep, it sounds like your husband and mine are similar. It has always blown my mind that he can just "forget" to eat! I found it interesting, though, that the minute he tried to restrict his eating, it was all he could think about. Normally he can go for hours without thinking about food, but since last night it's all he's talked about. That just shows what the "diet mentality" can do, even to someone who normally has a really healthy relationship with food. Just one day of restricting and he's turned completely wacko! He plans to pick up a pizza on the way home and he even said "should I cook those steaks too?" Pizza AND steaks? Um...no. I teased him that he should just buy a big bucket of fried chicken and put it next to the scale at the weigh-in so he can dig in as soon as they've weighed him.
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Old 06-13-2008, 04:16 PM   #4  
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Count me in. My DH was seldom heavy. When he was 5'9" he got up to about 165, mostly from a candy bar habit. After having cancer and being 5'3" he stays in a 140-145 range (and would be less if he didn't have all the skeletal structure of one who is 5'9"). Last night I asked him what he had for lunch - so I wouldn't fix the same thing - and he says "I forget." Often he can't remember when he last ate either. He doesn't "forget" to have a dish of ice cream every night though.
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Old 06-13-2008, 04:18 PM   #5  
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Seriously, can you imagine "forgetting to eat"? I'm always looking at the clock to see how long until I can eat.
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Old 06-13-2008, 04:35 PM   #6  
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My husband is not supportive in any way. He thrives off of fast food and barbeque. He could stand to lose a few pounds himself. I cook healthy meals for dinner and he will eat them, but right after he's done he is in the pantry looking for something else. It is soooo frustrating because he will go out and buy the "junk" for him to eat in the house. I just have to go into another room and occupy myself with something else. He also comes home everyday and talks about the wonderful lunch that he had out that day while I eat whatever I made myself. UGH!
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Old 06-13-2008, 04:37 PM   #7  
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Quote:
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Seriously, can you imagine "forgetting to eat"? I'm always looking at the clock to see how long until I can eat.
Ummm, no. I can't imagine it. I also check my watch frequently to see when I will be able to eat again.

My husband is by no means thin. He's about 5 foot 9 inches and weighs appox. 210 lbs. He has lost weight before. But never, ever, EVER has he counted calories. I can't ever see him doing so. The more I think about it, the odder it seems for him to do so. It would never happen.

It would be interesting for him to try and do so for a week or so. Or even a day, like Lisa Maries' DH. Very interesting indeed.

I think he does appreciate my struggle - to a degree. Though, until you've lived the life of an EXCESSIVE overeater, you really can't fathom what it's like. You really can't imagine what it's like to completely change your life around.

Mentioned this before, I'll mention it yet again. Thank goodness for 3FC. You guys here DO know what the struggle is all about.
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Old 06-13-2008, 04:46 PM   #8  
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My DH says he wants me to lose weight -- but then he buys tons of junk food, stashes it in the pantry, and expects it to still be there (and fresh-tasting) when he decides to eat it a month later. I've asked him to please stop bringing in things that I have difficulty resisting -- but other than calling it quits on the ice cream, I can't see much difference.
You girls with supportive husbands are SO fortunate.
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Old 06-13-2008, 04:52 PM   #9  
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From the time I met him until rather recently, my DH has weighed less than me. I'd say over the past 5-8 years, he has put on 30 pounds or more. While he's been right there with me in wanting to eat healthier he doesn't go for the restriction that dieting may lead to. I'll fix the healthy, low calorie, low fat dinner and he isn't satisfied so he either has seconds or has an ice cream cone for dessert. I've been telling him that his belly fat isn't doing him any good and he needs to trim up--which he agrees to, but he just doesn't try. It's almost like it is up to me to get rid of all the snacks in the house (I don't buy many) and constantly remind him not to over eat. Well, I'm sorry, that's not my job! I have to do it for myself, why should I have to tell him as well? He needs to take control of himself!!
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Old 06-13-2008, 05:05 PM   #10  
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Allison, it's interesting that he thinks it should be up to you to make him eat less. I kind of get the impression my husband would be that way to some degree too, which surprises me because I've never been the one "in charge" of what we eat. (We're very nontraditional, I guess -- we both cook and clean equally, pretty much, and we've never considered doing it any other way). After seeing how he was today and last night, however, it became clear that he considers me the "expert" on dieting and expects me to know exactly what he should or should not eat. I told him I hope he never gains a ton of weight and has to lose it, because he would be unbearable! Luckily I think he'll probably always stay thin, both because he works out a lot and because it seems to be in his genes.
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Old 06-13-2008, 07:05 PM   #11  
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Funny enough, I am one of those people who sometimes forgets to eat. Even now.

For instance, it happened last night at work. I was so intent on plowing through my paperwork, that I didn't notice the hours slide by one after another. Once I was done, though, my tummy sure let me know I hadn't eaten dinner yet!

I just get so wrapped up and focused on things sometimes that all else just fades away.

On the other hand, sometimes I get the munchies when I'm deep in paperwork. I want to go grab something sugary/fatty. My old fav was a Ding Dong with a Coke.


But, getting back to the topic of the thread: I think it's wonderful that your hubby had to walk a mile in your shoes. Hopefully it will give him more empathy for what you (and others) must do day in and day out.
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Old 06-13-2008, 08:40 PM   #12  
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My SO is 5' 10" and weighs 135. He's lucky he's so thin, because he could never in a million years change his diet. For a while there he was trying to gain weight but he couldn't even eat the kinds of foods necessary to do that (protein shakes, etc.) He hasn't been able to successfully change his exercise habits either, despite a bad back for which his physical therapist gave him exercises to do and his own acknowledgment that he should exercise more (and having been unemployed for three years, so plenty of time to exercise). He's been great with me, never says a word about what I eat (although once in a while he can get irritated about my exercise schedule if it inconveniences him), but he has a couple of friends that are overweight and he'll get on them about diet and exercise.

I don't ask my SO to limit the types of foods that he has in the house. I don't think it's fair to him to go on a diet just because I'm on a diet. If he wants to eat chocolate, chips, pop tarts, pastries, granola bars, ramen, pizza, 2% milk, full-fat cheese, frozen taquitos, etc., well that's his right. So we have all that stuff in the house and more. I do all the grocery shopping so I even buy it for him. I don't think of him as unsupportive for asking me to buy that food for him. I'm the one in control of what I eat and just because that stuff is in the house doesn't mean I have to eat it. I would never in a million years open up the fridge at work and eat one of my co-worker's lunches, no matter how much chocolate was in it; I think of my SO's food the same way. It's not mine, so I don't eat it. That food is dead to me. Most of the time I don't even see it.

I'm almost always counting down the minutes until I can eat again, but occasionally if I'm really wrapped up in a project, I'll forget to eat. I'm very focused and I can't multi-task at all. So when I'm really working on something intently, sometimes I don't notice anything else, even my own hunger.
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Old 06-13-2008, 08:46 PM   #13  
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I don't ask my SO to limit the types of foods that he has in the house. I don't think it's fair to him to go on a diet just because I'm on a diet. If he wants to eat chocolate, chips, pop tarts, pastries, granola bars, ramen, pizza, 2% milk, full-fat cheese, frozen taquitos, etc., well that's his right. So we have all that stuff in the house and more. I do all the grocery shopping so I even buy it for him. I don't think of him as unsupportive for asking me to buy that food for him.
Same here, Barbara.

Within 15 feet of where I'm sitting right now are full-fat ice cream, potato chips, bagels, granola bars, candy, and cookies and a cake that I baked for him. He's completely supportive of MY weight loss/maintenance efforts but isn't in the least bit interested in changing HIS eating. It's OK; as always, I decide what goes in my mouth and what doesn't.
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Old 06-13-2008, 09:57 PM   #14  
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Ditto. I'm the one who shops, and who bakes. I get the premium ice cream, the whole milk yogurt, etc. And the same on the support. Once in awhile he'll ask if it's going okay, or if I really mean to skip exercising, but on the whole he's much more interested for me to be healthy and happy with myself. He does however, eat fairly well, and has always loved veggies and salads, and happily eats what I fix as he doesn't cook!
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Old 06-13-2008, 11:49 PM   #15  
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My fiance is thin and grew up in Albania on totally fresh foods, so he has this really pristine metabolism. Anyway, since moving to the US, he HAS put on about 15lbs and he wants to lose the weight he's gained, but getting him to change his eating habits is like pulling teeth; it's not so much WHAT he has eating, since he never snacks and never eats junk food, but more HOW MUCH he eats. Also, though he's very physical able, fit, and has good stamina, he has NO sense of discipline to develop a routine for regular exercise and stick with a plan. He marvels as I actually make a plan, go to what I said I would, and keep track of everything.

I also have about 300x's his energy level; I CAN'T nap and I don't like lying around the house (most of the time). I've literally seen my fiance get up at 11AM, move to the couch, sleep for another hour, get up, eat, go sit on the couch in a semi-snooze watching soccer, get up, drink something, go sit down again, go outside for a little while, come back and nap, etc. It can drive me crazy when he wants to take a nap... I just feel like at 2PM on a Saturday afternoon, there MUST be something better to do than sleep...

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