Feeling overwhelmed and nervous...too much coming up!
I hate when I feel this way. I know I should be taking things "one day at a time", but I'm starting to freak out a little.
I have all these family things coming up and they all involve food and the usual family stress. They are also going to be expensive. (Weddings, holidays etc.) I can honestly "control myself" around food and that's not the issue. It's not that I have to have stuff and I feel deprived. I need to continue my usual "smaller amounts, more frequently" habits or I'll feel lousy and/or get out of control. I do NOT want to gain weight back! I'm absolutely sick of my feelings around family gatherings these days due to the feeling "watched" about what I eat and the comments and feeling like people are talking about me. I mean, why would I even imagine I would be so important? LOL I'm not even the person getting married at these weddings, so why would people be paying any attention to me?
It's so true that things people say to you really stick, and the way they treat you-the feelings that result never really go away. I want to eat the way I WANT to eat. Why should anyone else care? If I were never heavy in the past, nobody would probably care anyway, but since I was, there's some sort of stigma. So if I eat cr@p, people are gonna think "haha! there she goes, gaining it all back" and if I don't they're gonna say I have some kind of eating disorder. I hate this so much and I wish I could just never go to another thing again but I can't avoid it obviously. (I don't really mean that-I just wish the focus on food would just go away) And I don't want to drink empty calories (and be labeled a party pooper) UGH!
I'll just have to truly take it one day at a time and just do what feels right for ME because I have to live in this body. Sorry for such a long rambling rant but I really needed to get that out
Feel free to rant any time! There are a lot of us who feel exactly the way that you do about family gatherings. I love your line: "I mean, why would I even imagine I would be so important?" Seriously, it's not like we want to be the focus of attention.
When you have a minute, be sure to check out this thread: Other People Commenting About Our Lifestyles There are some great suggestions in it and at least you'll see that you're not alone.
Thanks, Meg. Actually, I was a contributor in that thread.
I'd have to say THAT is my biggest issue in all this weight loss stuff...WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE THINKING
I'm so tired of it and I wish I could just say "scr3w them", but it's not that easy.
Can you maybe take a different perspective about people always watching you and what you eat and try to think of it as they are so mesmerized and possibly somewhat envious of the weight you have lost so far that they are watching to see if you fall off the wagon, so to speak. I'm sure most of you're family members don't feel that way - they are probably geniunely concerned. The same thing happens to me a lot at the office. God forbid I tell one of my coworkers that I am trying to lose weight and sure enough the microscope is on what I'm consuming. Sadly, I've come to believe and have really had to accept that most people don't want to see others succeed and coming to terms with this reality just increases my motivation - giving me a sort of "I'll show you" attitude. So in a nutshell, what I'm saying is just strut your stuff and feel assured you are on your way to a healthier lifestyle and body and to yourself say "scr3w them".
LOL! "scr3w them!"
I guess envy could be part of it.
What makes it even more irritating is that I never even wanted to talk about it. I didn't even discuss anything with one of my best friends when I started all this. I just DID IT. I never ever wanted to discuss any of it with anybody. There was ever only ONE person I felt comfortable talking to about it, and that was a friend who had been maintaining to some degree a weight loss and she understood all the emotional things that go along with it. My SO is pretty cool, too. We both just kinda let the other do whatever they feel they need to do.
So when weight loss started to become visible, I had people asking me things left and right and I still didn't want to discuss it.
I had an issue and wanted to deal with it privately, and since weight happens to be visible, it seemed like it was open to public discussion, which I feel it was NOT! So frustrating. I didn't even want compliments. I just wanted to BE.
Oh yes, those of us who have food, let's call them, "issues", we "wear" our "issues" on the outside for the whole world to see. No hiding it . Fun, fun, FUN.
I know you said that you're not ready for it, but maybe you can start faking it right now - scr3w them.
Imagine that they really are watching you. They are all so envious of how great you look that they all want to know your dieting secrets.
It's kind of like visualizing everyone in the audience in their undies when you give a speech.
Of course my preferred way of handling my critics at family functions usually is more like "If you don't think I should be eating this, then why did you make it for me?" "Where is the low-cal/fatfree/sugar free food? Can't you cook without using a pound of butter"? Family, I love them, but there's a reason I moved 1000 miles away.
If the weddings/events have a full bar, try ordering a club soda and lime, which looks pretty darned identical to a vodka tonic. As long as you're not in blacklight, they will never know that you're a "party pooper". Make sure the bar pours it in a vodka-tonic type glass (you can ask them to put it in one, they usually will), no one will be the wiser. Sometimes its easier to fudge a little than try to explain why you aren't drinking...just avoids the busybodies...and its also vague enough that people who are "monitoring" your eating/drinking would actually have to ASK you what you're having, and most won't go that far.
I have done this more times than I can count. It works really well at office/work gatherings, because people don't ask you why you aren't drinking, they just assume you are, and you don't risk a) the extra calories or b) embarrassing yourself by getting drunk (especially in front of coworkers/bosses!)
I understand the "everyone is looking at what I'm eating" thing all too well, and people have actually commented to me about it, so I know that at least some of them are paying attention. I rely on fudging/visually confusing people just because I don't have the energy to deal with the stress. I spread food out on plates so the plates look full, or fill them with tons o veggies so they look like a heap of food, but are still on my plan (works at buffet social gatherings). The people who might think (and I don't know your friends/family, so I don't know if any of them ACTUALLY think this, but you get the idea) "gosh, she never eats, what a party pooper" will shut up because your plate looks full. The people monitoring what you are eating to see if you are being healthy will see all the vegetables and you'll deprive them of the schaudenfreude of seeing you eat something you might not otherwise.
The way I see it, I can make a conscious choice - explain my eating to the people who are asking questions (which I do, depending on the audience...close friends and family don't usually give me a lot of grief about it), or make it so people don't notice (which is my main approach in social settings with people I'm not as close to). I'm not saying you should be ashamed of your healthy habits, or try to hide them or be secretive...just that it is sometimes easier to head off questions by taking some strategic moves so they don't get asked and watched. Then you get to enjoy the party without everyone being on your back, and they get to feel vindicated...not to mention everyone ends up focusing on what they are ACTUALLY supposed to be focusing on (the holiday, the bride and groom, etc).
See, this is what I can't stand! Having to feel "secretive" because I want to eat in a healthy manner. Not because I'm NOT eating, but because I don't want to eat so much of the unhealthy stuff and I want to spread my calories over the day! It just seems so twisted-having to justify not stuffing myself with junk, whereas if I were shoving junk and alcohol down my throat, there would be no "concern" shown at all. UGH
Now you can add another wedding shower to that list! Argh!
I swear, all these occasions are (NOT!) going to make me gain weight back!
I HAVE to take one day at a time and stop thinking like this!
Anyone have any links, books, resources to recommend that have a sort of "one day at a time" message?
We were at a formal party the recently and I decided to try two of the exquiste desserts. I didn't think anything of it cause I knew I'd take my bite or so of each and then hand the plate off to my husband.
As I was walking back from the dessert table, one of our friends made a big announcement that I better be careful or I'd gain all my weight back again. He's very, very overweight and talks to me about my weight loss every time we meet, but he's never broadcasted it like this before. I felt like there was a big spotlight on me and that the portions of cake seem to quardruple right there in front of me. I did enjoy eating it, but I would have rather missed the ridicule.
i can totally relate to how overwhelming social events can be. what i find the toughest are when dinners are usually set at around 8pm or later... on the one hand, I don't want to over eat my calories for the day by eating something earlier and then going to dinner and eating again OR starve myself and by the time 8pm arrives, end up totally overeating coz of the starvation. i also find it sooo difficult to go on dates too... coz well, to make a good first impression, you can't really just order a salad at a restaurant, especially when most men choose restaurants that serve lots of carbs & protein.
coming up this weekend, i've got dinner & drinks tomorrow night, lunch at a chinese restaurant saturday which i'm sooo not looking forward to. there is no such thing as a "healthy option" at chinese restaurants because everything is fried in oil or drenched in soy sauce... but when you have friends that always want chinese food, you can't always be the party pooper & say no either...
As I was walking back from the dessert table, one of our friends made a big announcement that I better be careful or I'd gain all my weight back again. He's very, very overweight and talks to me about my weight loss every time we meet, but he's never broadcasted it like this before.
Ouch! What a jack*ss!
I can't believe people get like this. It's mind-boggling.
Feeling overwhelmed and nervous...too much coming up!
Feel free to rant any time! There are a lot of us who feel exactly the way that you do about family gatherings. I love your line: "I mean, why would I even imagine I would be so important?" 
Seriously, it's not like we want to be the focus of attention.
Family, I love them, but there's a reason I moved 1000 miles away.
