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Old 05-20-2007, 06:10 PM   #31  
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That's great news Lily!

I had a talk with DH about his going dancing on Friday night without me and he understood how I didn't like being left sitting home alone.

Later, when we went out to dinner on Sat night, he told me again that he'd like to see me get involved with some sort of organization so I have more social contact while he's away during the week working in NYC. I agreed I need to become more involved in something beyond and Internet connection or my art organizations.

I'm just not sure what I'm interested in doing. In the past, I had done some volunteer work at a school and then at a homeless shelter and both situations begame stress triggers for my bipolar disorder. They both had loud, chaotic children running about which gets me feeling disorganized. I need something a bit more quiet and structured.
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Old 05-20-2007, 09:48 PM   #32  
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Carolyn, I also need to get more involved with social activities. Most of my friends are either married to men that won't let them go out without them or have a bunch of young kids. It seems I don't have any female friends my age that aren't completed tied down. Since I no longer work and DH seems to work tons of Overtime, I get left at home a lot. I used to just hide out at home, but I'm feeling healthier and more secure now and want to be able to go more places. I considered driving for the Meals on Wheels program for homebound people, but my big Expedition takes a ton of gas and I cant' really afford that. I definitely need to find things outside the home to do. That is why I spend so much time gardening and such, just to get out of the house. It is very rare that my sister and I do anything together because she has 2 days a week off work and babysits her 5 grandkids on those days.

Volunteering at a homeless shelter might work for me. Not sure, it's a possibility that I would internalize too many other people's problems/situations and become really stressed over it.
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Old 05-20-2007, 10:24 PM   #33  
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Originally Posted by lilybelle View Post
This buddy (Robert) kept staring at me and smiling (and I saw him give me a wink and lick his lips). Which of course, I didn't say anything to DH about this.
Please don't take this the wrong way, as I am just trying to understand the reasoning behind this, because my DH and I tell each other everything, so I don't relate

I am just curious why you say "Which of course, I didn't say anything to DH about this". I ask, because I tell my DH immediately when this kind of thing happens and actually it usually removes the need for either of us to endure further inappropriate comments, such as the ones that jerk said to your DH. I say, nip it in the bud, ya know?


As for what you should wear, I say wear what makes you and your DH feel the best! I would dress as sexy as I wanted, being supportive to my DH and all

Best of luck to your singin' sweetie!

OH! I now see it's your son who will be competing, so, dress in a way that will make you and your SON feel comfortable, is what I should say
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Old 05-20-2007, 10:33 PM   #34  
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Both the comments and the licking the lips are totally out of line on Robert's part. It's disrespecting you and your husband, and that has nothing to do with weight.

He's a pig and he's still a pig if you wear a burka. Don't change how you dress to try to mollify him. It's not your problem.

(This is one of those things that women who were thin as teenagers or early 20s learn by experience. It's not nice, it's not respectful, and it's not a reflection of anything you've done.)
I LOVE the burka comment! So true!

However, I beg to differ on the "thin" comment. Depending on the culture and preferences of the area (as well as the other attractive traits of the young woman) weight doesn't have a lot to do with how inappropriate men are to us as females.

I developed early and was never "thin", but was very voluptuous. From the time I was 11 I had grown men after me, approaching me in public, offering me rides and so on (and it still happens, even at my current size). I never dressed suggestively as a young woman, either and rarely dress up now.
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Old 05-20-2007, 10:35 PM   #35  
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Please don't take this the wrong way, as I am just trying to understand the reasoning behind this, because my DH and I tell each other everything, so I don't relate

I am just curious why you say "Which of course, I didn't say anything to DH about this". I ask, because I tell my DH immediately when this kind of thing happens and actually it usually removes the need for either of us to endure further inappropriate comments, such as the ones that jerk said to your DH. I say, nip it in the bud, ya know?
But why would she say anything to her dh about it? It's an irritating, but ultimately insignificant event. The event says nothing about Lily's feelings towards her husband or towards this other guy. Mentioning it to her husband would just cause pointless drama. This Robert is an idiot. Lily loves her husband. DH already knows both of these things and there is zero reason to upset him over an insignificant display of poor taste.

Also, it seems to me, Lily, that since your husband has already told this guy to back off to no avail, if you want him to knock it off, I think you're going to have to tell him yourself. He'd probably be horrified to be confronted by you directly--his actions seem to me to predatory and mostly a power play. If you show your own power and refuse to be cowed by him, my bet is that he'd be terrifed and leave you alone for good. It all depends on whether or not you have some barbed words in your repetoire!


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Old 05-21-2007, 03:12 AM   #36  
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I guess when Robert first winked and licked his lips, I thought he was just joking and that would be the end of it. It was later when he made the rude comment to DH and then I told DH about what he'd done to me earlier. I didn't want to stir up any trouble, I just wanted a fun and peaceful night out with DH and DS.

IMHO, sometimes my DH doesn't have to know EVERYTHING. Same goes for me. Ex. I really don't like it when my DH comes home from work and tells me some woman he stopped for speeding bared her breasts to try to get out of a ticket. (Yep, it really does happen). To me this falls under the category of TMI. BTW, if they pull that crap or start crying it's an automatic ticket. LOL.

Baffled, I see your point. I may have to tell him to back off. I'm not good with confrontation, so I'll wait and see how it goes.
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Old 06-14-2007, 02:35 PM   #37  
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Some people just have no social skills at all. I have one story in particular that took place in CHURCH, of all places. I had been sitting next to my dad before the service was about to start and started to walk up front since I used to play my saxophone in the church band; I should also mention that I was still in high school at the time. As I was walking away, a man nudged my father and said, "I bet you can't wait to get her home," to which my father replied, "That's my daughter!" The man was embarassed because I was my dad's daughter, and not his wife as he had thought, but he should have been embarassed because what he said was completely inappropriate, regardless.

I live downtown and deal with men all the time. My standard response now is "That's not how to address a lady." It's interesting the reactions I get after that; people don't expect you to stand up for your own dignity. I feel like we have to educate the world, one immature boy (I prefer not to use the term 'man') at a time.

I agree with all the other posts. You don't have to change yourself because of someone else's immaturity. You dress for you and no one else (well, maybe your husband). I've also contemplated dressing down to try to minimize the attention I get (like you, I dress well, but I don't flash the goods; I dress respectably), and just felt angry that I was actually considering changing/hiding who I am. No one is worth that.
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Old 06-15-2007, 11:18 AM   #38  
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DH and I went back out to the same club last night. (very few choices of places to go around here). We had both men and women flirting with both of us. There was one young woman there that I literally have never seen anyone act so desperate in all my life. She kept unbuttoning her blouse half way down and flashing her boobs to everyone and saying "I"M SOOOO Drunk". She must have been at least a 44FF and I thought DH was gonna fall out of his chair. LOL. This woman was also wearing a mini skirt and kept sitting with her legs propped up on a barstool , nothing much left to the imagination. I found her to be completely, utterly disgusting. She even told DH that he and I are both "very beautiful" and she'd like to go home with us. Well, that certainly would never happen and he told her so. It still didn't stop her ridiculous antics. Funny thing was all the single men in the club were DH's cop friends and not one of them took her up on her offer. Even Robert and Royce that are huge flirts, turned her down.

DH made me feel good when he said that although her boobs were Huge, so was the rest of her body . He said mine are completely perfect and completely proportional with the rest of my "small body".

A man I had never seen before stopped me on the way to the ladies room and said "OMG, you are absolutely gorgeous". I just said "thanks" and kept on walking. LOL.

Even with all the flirting and non-sense, it was a fun night out. Of course, I didn't drink anything but a diet coke but still had fun. I sang 2 duets with DH. I'm overcoming some of my public shyness.

DH and I are now beginning to accept that people are going to flirt with us, but we both know that we came together and are leaving together. It used to make me insanely jealous that other women always found him so attractive, but not anymore. It actually makes me feel proud to be his wife and viseversa for him. (of course I didn't appreciate the boob flashing, but I knew she didn't have a shot in h@ll with my DH, LOL).
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Old 06-15-2007, 12:00 PM   #39  
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The boob thing is funny. Girls these days think they can overcome an ugly face by having nice boobs (surgically enhanced boobs). My DH and I entered a deep sea fishing rodeo the other day and of course the weigh in was at a bar. When we went to collect our prize there were this girls in string bikinis, very nice bodies but horribly ugly faces, handing out the pize money and they were taking pictures. My DH made me go up there to collect becuase he did not want his picture taking with these girls. Why do they turn a fishing rodeo into a sex thing?
My point is I may not have the sexy body they have but at least me hubbie thinks I do and he told my I have a nice face to go along with it. And yes at the end of the night I get to take him home with me and vice a versa. It feels good to be married doesn't it?
Terrie

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Old 06-15-2007, 12:32 PM   #40  
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Girls these days think they can overcome an ugly face by having nice boobs (surgically enhanced boobs).
Wow.
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Old 06-15-2007, 12:43 PM   #41  
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Terrie, that is how I feel. Although my body isn't perfect and I don't have ginormous boobs my DH tells me that I look fantastic and actually thinks that I do too. Since I'm smaller everywhere else now, I think I'd look odd with great big boobs. I can't afford breast implants and even if I could, I wouldn't want them any bigger than they are right now, just firmer. At least my back is 10 X more comfortable now with a 36C than it ever was with my 42DD's. BTW, congratulations on winning some prize money on the fishing tournament. I love to fish and we go quite often. We enter some small bass tournaments that are held on local lakes. It is always fun.
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Old 06-15-2007, 01:36 PM   #42  
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Girls these days think they can overcome an ugly face by having nice boobs (surgically enhanced boobs).
I did not mean this to be bad. I know a lot of pretty girls who have had boob jobs. I would love to have mine lifted a little myself. My sister had hers done last year and they are nice. What I meant was a lot of girls think if I have nice boobs it doesn't matter what my face looks like. On the otherhand beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Lillybelle I also wear a 36C down from a 44DD. A little lift would be nice, but I have have to live with a nice push up bra.
We did not win but $25.00, we placed 3rd with a 4 ft 45lb. blacktip shark. There were only 5 sharks entered. We had a lot of fun.
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Old 06-15-2007, 01:50 PM   #43  
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Girls these days think they can overcome an ugly face by having nice boobs (surgically enhanced boobs).
I did not mean this to be bad. I know a lot of pretty girls who have had boob jobs. I would love to have mine lifted a little myself. My sister had hers done last year and they are nice. What I meant was a lot of girls think if I have nice boobs it doesn't matter what my face looks like.
Oh, well. That's so much nicer.
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