[lipidful]

Do you believe a personality can change?
My mother is giving me a hard time because she thinks there's something wrong with me. I'm not as happy go lucky as I used to be. I'm more serious these days and if there isn't a reason to be jumping around for joy, then I don't feel like doing that.
I've had a lot of icky stuff happen to me in the past five years; I rushed into a marriage that was a mistake, my father died, I worked on a Master's Degree while working full time, I got divorced, I had 2 surgeries and multiple car accidents, I lost a best friend to a dumb argument, another one of my favorite and very close relatives (my aunt) died, and I lost a lot of weight while being under the microscope of people who thought I was anorexic or something and I'm having a LOT of financial trouble.
(This isn't really about my mother but she's the one who made me think about it)
Now my mother tells me I'm smart, healthy and beautiful and what's wrong with me? Why have I changed? I used to be adventurous and happy.
I'm not sure what's going on. Is it possible that someone's personality can change as a result of life events and changes? Could it be that I don't feel so sheltered and naive anymore?
Is it that I'm no longer using food to cope?
There are times that I feel like I want to look for something to eat and I identify it with an emotion. I realize it's a residual impulse.
Can it be that I'm actually FEELING all that negative stuff now instead of covering it up with food?
I never expected all my problems to disappear with weight loss. Believe me, they don't. It's definitely worth it, but there are some changes that go along with it.
Has anybody else had anything like this happen to them? Is this my true self? Am I a more serious person than I thought? No longer the "class clown"?
Or is there something deeper? Any thoughts?

[Tara D]

I think I have definitely changed...I'm definitely not the same person that I was in college. I'm definitely more serious than I was in the past. I used to laugh all the time and I was always playing around.

I think some of this is a result of just seeing the realities of life, and some of it might be just growing up. I think most people change as the years pass, it's just a matter of how much.

[Angihas2]

For me, when I choose to deal with the problem, emotion, whatever, instead of reaching for the food, I find I tend to be a bit more serious and thoughful. It's easy to put on that happy face while you're stuffing your face with cake, right? By not using that crutch to cover/bury our problems, we're forced to deal with them, hopefully. I was watching Oprah today, it was a Most Memorable Guest show, they featured a woman they had had on and off since 1985, struggling with her weight, in excess of 500 pounds, and she's written a book, "Winning After Losing" talking about herself and other "losers" who suddenly had to find new ways to cope with issues, be it the original issue or the thrill. Her example was for herself, the "thrill" of planning binges, gathering food, secreting it, gorging on it, added a bit of a thrill to her life, as she had no social life, never dated etc, after her weight loss, she started stealing and couldnt figure out why. For her, she was looking for that "other" that being overweight and the process of it. Once she got caught, she was forced to confront her own issues and from all accounts is dealing well with it all now. But, I think with such a dramatic overhaul externally, how can it NOT affect us internally. I've thought of myself as fat/unfit/*insert socially acceptable deragatory term for fat chick here* for so LONG, it took along time for me to jump the hurdle in my mindset. Now I'm starting to think of myself as thin, although I'm nowhere near the thin I want to be, I find thinking like that, helps me make better choices, not just in meals/snacks, but how I choose to deal with situations that arise in my life.

[Heather]

Are you sure you aren't suffering from depression?? Sounds like there's been a lot going on!

[alinnell]

I think it's all just a part of growing up and becoming a responsible adult. Granted I was never really what you would consider "happy-go-lucky" but I do see myself as more reserved now that I'm a bit older. I'm not spontaneous at all, and rather dislike last minute details. But overall, I consider myself a happy person.

[phantastica]

I think a lot of it is a result of your circumstances. You have been through a ton!! I'm sure there's an inertia effect of just processing everything that's happened.

I have had a bit of the reverse happen to me. Throughout my 20s, I was burdened with responsibility (single parent, no child support, low-paying job, working my way through college). Now I am a noncustodial parent of a teenaged son, I finished college and have a good-paying job. I'm now free to travel, make different choices, and have the luxury of being carefree. I'm far more happy-go-lucky now, and that was an unexpected change.

[lipidful]

Wow, thanks all of you for your nice, thoughtful replies.
I find that my outlook can actually vary from day to day, depending on how much sleep/exercise I get, too. I don't believe that I'm "clinically depressed". I think perhaps that I just have to "feel" things and work through them. It's probably a natural reaction to certain events to feel more introspective/need to be alone more. I think I was given a good baseline in my upbringing and I'll be ok. I have a very sweet and supportive SO at this time who lets me be exactly who I am while also giving me his own thoughtful perspective on things.
Hmmm Alinnell, I have also become less spontaneous. I'm not too crazy about unexpected plans or interruptions in my routines these days...Perhaps my mother is also picking up on that...