Pet Rules
 

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

Some of these don't apply to all pets:

Normally come when called is pretty iffy for a cat, as well...

But the comment about wearing underwear on the head is a lovely visual...:lol3:

So! When were you in my bed watching my cat sleep?

These are funny!

OMG, I think you've been to my house!!!

I have boxers..the bed thing .. i can relate... oh boy can i relate ... but we are attempting to retrain them to sleep on the floor ..with padding of course.. altho at 3 a.m. ..they figure i am unconcious enough and they can *sneak* into bed with us ..and proceed to push me out of bed .. 4 paws in ya back is not a good way to wake up! 8 paws is worse!

If they get pregnant you can sell their children! :rofl:

I nearly fell outta my chair! :rofl:

LOL, this is definitely my house. My labradors are scared of storms. So, when it storms, we have 8 giant paws in our king size bed. They do push and hog the bed. Plus they take the pillows away. But, they are bathed regularly and cleaner than most children. LOL

haha! so true!!!
i knew i had gone to the dark side of pet ownership the first time i said "axel, mommy needs to eat some dinner, then we'll go to the park and you can play with Nory!!" ... and the fact that im seriously considering getting a second dog so he has company!

haha