The Poo List
 

Needless to say, this is bathroom humor, so let me put in a few returns before I start ...
















THE POO LIST

GHOST POO: You know you've pooed. There's poo on the toilet paper but none in the toilet.

TEFLON COATED POO: It comes out so slick and clean that you don't even feel it. No trace of poo on the toilet paper. You have to look in the toilet to make sure you did it.

POOEY POO: This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe 12 times and you still don't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. The poo leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.

SECOND THOUGHT POO: Your all done wiping and you're about to stand up when you realise it... you've got some more.

POP A VEIN IN YOUR FOREHEAD POO: This is the kind of poo that killed Elvis. It doesn't want to come out until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.

WEIGHT WATCHERS POO: You poo so much, you lose several pounds.

RIGHT NOW POO: You'd better be within 30 seconds of a toilet. You burn rubber getting to the toilet. Usually has it's head out before you can get your pants down.

KING KONG OR DUNNY CHOCKER POO: This one is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A wire coathanger works well. This kind of poo usually happens at someone else's house.

CORK POO (also known as floaters): Even after the third flush, it's still floating in the bowl. Oh no! How do I get rid of it!

WET CHEEKS POO: The poo hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets you all wet.

WISH POO: You sit there all cramped up, fart a few times, but no poo.

CEMENT BLOCK POO: (with extra bluemetal): You wish you'd got a spinal block before you pooed.

SNAKE POO: This poo is fairly soft about as thick as your thumb, and at least 3 feet long.

BEER DRINK AND INDIAN CURRY POO: This happens the day after the night before. Normally your poo doesn't smell too bad, but this on is BAD ... usually this one happens at someone else's house and there's someone standing outside waiting to use the bathroom.

MEXICAN/ VINDALOO POO (also called screamers): You'll know it's alright to eat again when your bum stops burning.

hahahahaha oh dear god...

I can not stop laughing

I find this so offensive. How terrible...that they used "poo" instead of "poop" which IMO is a much funnier word!

OMG...I never should have read this at work...people are wondering WTH is my problem...screaming with laughter. :lol3:

Made my Friday!!! Thanks!!!

You're making me cry :lol3:

Bahahahaa...My kids just looked at me because of how hard I was laughing!!!! Thanks for posting this!

Omg! looool, I'm still laughing

This was too good. I have had every single kind, and it's just hysterical to read about.

LOL Literally! Thanks!

I really needed this . . . :rofl: and :cry: at the same time. Absolutely hilarious.

Thanks for the giggles

Oh my god, I'm crying so hard my head hurts. I just re-read it to my fiance and I was crying all over again. I even cried reading the comments. Thank you so much, what a way to brighten up my day :)

Chantel.

how did I ever miss this before?

LOL...it so funny to read about it but not when it is happening to you.

It's a little bit alarming when I can identify to so many of these! Ahaha

Rotflmao!!!!!!!

:rofl:mammy i'm on the same boat.. I can relate to a whole lot of these .. haha!!! I was laughing so hard I copuld barely even read it..

ohhh i am laughing so hard I am crying!! it's funny to read but not when it's happening to you!

Oh man, I'm crying I laughed so hard!

Wow.. im just dying.. people at work here looking at me, bright red from trying not to laugh.

Hahaha

I came across this over the net a while back. Funny stuff.

I agree with Amy 8888, "poop" is funnier than "poo"

OMG.... my family (this tells you the kind of people we are) dressed up like poo (or sh*t) for Halloween one year... one of us was King Sh*t, another was Holy Sh*t, one was hot sh*t.... we had a blast!

:rofl: I've seen this several times and happen to think half this list is potentially alcohol-induced :lol:

and Idealperson, that SH*T is HILARIOUS!! :D

Originally Posted by Idealperson:
OMG.... my family (this tells you the kind of people we are) dressed up like poo (or sh*t) for Halloween one year... one of us was King Sh*t, another was Holy Sh*t, one was hot sh*t.... we had a blast!

ROFL! I love that! What awesome originality :)

ANGIE HERE-
Are you related to me???
This is just the kind of topic that comes up at ALL my family dinners!!!

ANGIE - perhaps Gary has something to do with that? :p
(just kidding!)

I am full of it SHANE :)

gotta go...morning ya know ;)

I have a new one ~ Knucklehead nephew graduated NAVY basic training yesterday...but...or is that butt? ;)

BOOT CAMP POO ~ Having a pizza party the night before that, as he put it, didn't sit well with him. Had to be escorted out and missed most of the ceremony while he went poo! Nice for my daughter and son in law who flew from San Diego to Great Lakes Illinois for it...and got there way early to have front row seats!

:rofl: that was one of the greatest things ever, and like some of you, i can TOTALLY relate to many of them :)

I haven't laughed that hard in years...rolling with laughter, tears streaming. I had to stop to gasp for air!

The Childbirth Dump - This is a dump that is simply too big to go through the aperture provided by nature for the purpose. You sit there, thinking over your dilemma. First it hurts, and it isn't going to get any better. You wonder if you'll ever see your loved ones again. You imagine the newspaper headlines screaming "Man dies trying to hatch monster loaf". You realize you'll have to resolve the crisis before you can leave the bathroom. Basically there are only three things you can do:

1. Scream
2. Call an Obstetrician
3. Hope like **** have enough Vaseline to get you through it

The Machine Gun Dump - You're just sitting there in a state of sublime peace when all of a sudden you emit a group of noisy gassy bursts that break the silence like machine gun fire. The guy in the next stall hits the floor like a combat veteran cradling his umbrella like an M16...damn commies.

last one, this one makes me giggle...

The Suprise Poopie
You are not even at the toilet, because you are sure you are about to fart, but, SURPRISE---a Poopie!

That is so gross but soo funny! Gotta love poo humor!

bathroom humor. lol.

:dance: Too funny!

*snorts & falls off her chair in a fit of laughter* :rofl:



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