METHOD #1
Some people have the misconception that cats never have to be bathed. That somehow they "lick" themselves clean. Well contrary to this popular belief, cats do NOT have some enzyme in their saliva that resembles Tide (with or without bleach).
Cats, like their nemesis, the dog .... do get dirty and have a variety of odors... from smelling like the outhouse where you camped last year to the same odor as your dog's breath. (Remember... your dog will try to eat anything.)

Now we all know that cats HATE water. And we know that giving the cat a sedative to ease this process of a bath is out of the question.

So, the best approach is both sneaky and direct. Remember now, this is not the dumb dog who can be led to tub with lies and a trail of Kibbles and Bits.

Although your cat has the advantage of smarts, quickness and total lack of concern for you .... you have the advantage of size, strength, and the ability to wear protective garments.

1. First .... dress for the occasion. A 4-ply rubber wet suit is suggested, along with a helmet, face mask and welders gloves.

2. A Bathtub with a glass enclosure is preferred to the one with a shower curtain. A frenzied cat can shred one of these in about 3.5 seconds.

3. Have the Kitty Bubbles and towel in the enclosed bathtub area before hand. No ... blow drying the cat after the bath is not suggested.

4. Draw the water, making it a little warmer than needed as you still need to find the cat. Position everything strategically in the shower, so you can reach it even if you are face down or prone in the tub.

5. Find your cat. Use the element of surprise. Pick the cat up, nonchalantly as if you were simply carrying him/her to the supper dish. No need to worry about the cat noticing your strange attire, the cat barely notices you anyway.

6. Once you and the cat are inside the bathroom ....speed is essential. In one single liquid motion .shut the door to the bathroom, step into the shower, close the sliding doors, and drop the cat into the water. While the cat is still in a state of shock . locate the Kitty Bubbles and squirt whatever part of him is above the water line. You have just begun the wildest 45 seconds of your life. Remember that cats have no handles and add the fact that he now has soapy fur. His state of shock has worn off and he's madder than ****.

7. As best, you can, wearing welder's gloves, try to field his body as he catapults through the air toward the ceiling. If possible, give another squirt of Kitty Bubbles with his body now fully exposed.

8. During the 5 seconds you are able to hold onto him, rub vigorously. No need to worry about rinsing. As he slides down the glass enclosure into the tub, he will fall back into the water, rinsing himself in the process.

9. Only attempt the lather and rinse process about 3 times. The cat will realize the lack of traction on the glass by then and will use the next attempt on the first available part of you.

10. Next, the cat must be dried. No...this is NOT the easiest part. By this stage, you are worn out and the cat has just become semi-permanently affixed to your right leg. We suggest here that you drain the tub and in full view of your cat, reach for the bottle of Kitty Bubbles.

11. If you have done step 10 correctly, the cat will be off your leg and hanging precariously from your helmet. Although this view of the cat is most disgusting, he will be in a much better position for wrapping the towel around him.

12. Be sure cat is firmly wrapped in towel before opening tub enclosure. Open bathroom door .... put towel wrapped cat on floor and step back quickly. Into tub, if possible, and do not open enclosure until all you can see is the shredded towel.

13. In about 2 hours .... it will be safe to exit the bathroom. Your cat will be sitting out there somewhere looking like a small hedgehog while plotting revenge. But he does smell better?????

METHOD #2

Dear Cat Owner,

Following are instructions on the best way to bathe your cat:

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.

2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.

3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Don't get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out to grab anything they can find. The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from your toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet 3 or 4 times. This provides a "powerwash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.

6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet and run outside where he will dry himself.

Sincerely,

The DOG



(awww that poor kitty looks like mine hehe)

Definitely do not agree that cats need to be bathed . . . but I certainly had a few moments reading your post . . . thanks for making my morning a little brighter . . .

I didn't usually bathe my cat, but there were a few times she NEEDED it. Especially after she went missing for 10 days and came back looking like she'd been in a...well...catfight. She stank bad and had filth matted in her fur.

She wasn't as easy a bathe as the dog. But once I could get her in the tub, I'd just hook my hand through her collar and wash her on the move. LOL

Lol btw I've never bathed my cat... or at least had to - yet

But she has fell in the tub once or twice while I was bathing (she was curious). Lets say the water had a pink tint to it by the time I finished bathing LOL.

I have six cats that have never been bathed, on purpose . . . the two youngest are Bengal Leopard Cats and they actually think getting wet is fun. Guess it's the wild in their background, they are descended from small Asian wildcats that fish for their livelihood.

I have always used a spray bottle filled with water as a bit of a "cattitude adjuster" when needed -- works on the other four like a charm; but these two little girls sort of look at you and say "Oh thanks, that felt really good" and just continue doing whatever it is they shouldn't be doing.

Many years ago I did have to bathe one cat -- she got 'skunked' -- it was not a fun thing, and it took more than one tomato juice bath to get her back into the world of tolerable and then a soapy bath to get rid of the tomato juice. It was weeks before she stopped hiding whenever I started to run water in the kitchen sink.

SINK?! You never never EVER use something as small as a sink to trap a flopping, pi$$ed off cat in. No no no! You have a towel on hand, the tub ready a bit before the bath is to start, and the shampoo open and in reach. You pick her up and pet her, act like you're going BY the bathroom door, wriggle your hand under her collar and grab tight, then dart into the bathroom, slam the door, and drop her into the water. Keeping your handhold on the collar, you give her about 2 seconds of flopping to thoroughly soak herself, squirt shampoo on her, lather with your free hand. This only requires laying your hand on her and allowing her to flop for a few more seconds. Then you let her flop a bit more to rinse, pull the plug, and when the tub empties, grab the towel with your free hand, hold it over her, let her flop in it a bit, move to the side, remove your hand, and pray.

hehehe

Hahahaahaha!!

The first one was a really funny video on youtube. If I can find it again I'll send you the link. It was absolutely hillarious.

Sarah in MD

That is too funny!!! I don't think I dare try that with my cat. I'd need a suit of armor to get her in the tub!!!

When I was in graduate school, living with my folks to save money, they had a maltese dog, a gray tabby cat; and I had a long-haired tortie and white cat. One summer, they all got fleas, and we had to bathe them all. The dog loved it, until you had to do his face. The old gray cat, also put up with it fairly well as long as you had a good hold on her collar, again until you got to her face, and then you had to work fast. My cat, was most afraid of the bath, and yet the "easiest" (sort of) to bathe, I'd just have to get a bath with her. She'd cling to my chest, and just cry and shiver (sounded like a human baby)
So, I'd just sort of lean into the water with her stuck to me, and I could wet her, lather her up, rinse her and dry her quite easily. I'd then have to get undressed out of my wet clothes and take a shower (luckily the sink was in the basement, along with my bedroom, and a bathroom with a shower). My wet face, chest and arms would be covered in damp black and orange hairs (Did you ever notice that some dogs and cats seem to throw hair when they're nervous - I guess that's where the expression "fur flying" comes from).

Thanks for the chuckle! We actually had one cat that liked the bathtub. She would jump into my bubble bath with me.

It takes both DH and i to bathe our cat, and we did use the sink. Although she is declawed, it was still one **** of a fight.

LOLX100 you'd make a great bounty hunter or hitwoman! lol the "element of surprise!" Something tells me you used to work for the FBI on their secret missions! Thanxs for sharing! Aww that cat is so cute!!!!!!!